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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my husband reasonable?

396 replies

Twickerhun · 06/08/2018 17:24

My DH wants me to have dinner cooked and ready for when he gets home from work.

I’m on mat leave with a newborn and a 19 month old.

He usually gets back from work just after 6. He is out of the house at work for 12 hours a day. He wants to eat early so he can go out for a run/cycle/gym once the children are in bed.

Is it reasonable for him to expect me to have dinner cooked for him?

OP posts:
marvellousnightforamooncup · 06/08/2018 17:26

Fuck that shit!

Norma27 · 06/08/2018 17:28

Does he want to do this every day?
Does he ever help you put the kids to bed or does he want to come home everyday, eat, have a quick rest then do his own thing? Do you get a chance to do your hobbies?

I think a couple of times a week would be fair enough but not everyday with a toddler and a newborn.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 06/08/2018 17:29

Every night? No way. I think cooking should be split 50/50, even when one person is on mat leave.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/08/2018 17:30

It's feasible some days ime but he shouldn't expect it on the table when he walks through the door. Every day is different with two young children.

Racecardriver · 06/08/2018 17:30

No of course not.

TheExhausted · 06/08/2018 17:30

No it's not. After a day with a 19 month old and a newborn he should be cooking your bloody tea!

Hopeful16 · 06/08/2018 17:31

OMG I had a dream when I was on mat leave with DD that I'd have DH's dinner ready for him every evening in some sort of Stepford Wife style! NEVER happened!
When I go off this time on mat leave I'm not even going to pretend to think it'll happen. AND he knows this won't happen.
We already cook in shifts around work and DD time - I start dinner whilst he baths her and then he takes over whilst I get her down. Teamwork!

Aprilshowersinaugust · 06/08/2018 17:31

Why not??
Tell him you need a definite time of arrival.

Then a few mins before pop a ready meal into the microwave.

Or my mn phrase of fancy :
off you pop cunty chops. ....

Original poster
Twickerhun · 06/08/2018 17:32

He wants dinner done every night.
He goes out 2-4 nights a week. I can’t easily go out in the evenings due to new born feeding issues.
He does every other bedtime for our toddler but none of the babies care yet.

OP posts:
FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 06/08/2018 17:33

yes my husband expected dinner to be ready, a clean house and clean well behaved children when he came in.
On the other hand if I was the one out working, he would get dinner on.

Creatureofthenight · 06/08/2018 17:33

My DH did dinner most nights when LO was a newborn, and I didn’t have a toddler to contend with!

Original poster
Twickerhun · 06/08/2018 17:35

He’s given me access to an app that lets me check his exact location so I can see how his journey is going. And he texts me as he leaves so I can get his dinner ready.
It’s not impossible for me to get dinner done for this time but it’s hard work. I just wondered where on the scale of reasonableness this request was in all of your opinions.

OP posts:
theressomethingaboutmarie · 06/08/2018 17:35

Yes, he's being unreasonable. He's assuming that because you are on mat leave, you are there to tend to his every whim. He's forgetting that mat leave is about looking after babies. Frankly, he should be getting YOUR dinner sorted on a few occasions a week as part of the teamwork that this stage of life demands.

Norma27 · 06/08/2018 17:36

No way! I would maybe try to do it a couple of times a week, but he needs to cook for you on some of the other days too.
When do you get a chance to do some hobbies or have some me time?

userabcname · 06/08/2018 17:37

Lol no. Tell him to cook a quick meal when he gets in (and do yours at the same time). You have a newborn and toddler FGS! What an arse.

M00nUnit · 06/08/2018 17:37

No of course he isn't reasonable to expect that! If he was a single guy living on his own he'd have to cook his own dinner so why just because he has a wife does he now think he's entitled to a servant? You're working hard looking after his children and he should not be expecting you to wait on him.

Original poster
Twickerhun · 06/08/2018 17:38

Thanks all.

OP posts:
WelcomeToShootingStars · 06/08/2018 17:38

I don't think it's unreasonable.

LunaTrap · 06/08/2018 17:40

Of course he is unreasonable! And why is he going out up to 4 nights a week with two babies at home?

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 06/08/2018 17:40

tbh it IS a bit unreasonable when you have a newborn….AND a toddler..does he phone and ask if there is anything you need him to pick up, or anything like that..?

BunsOfAnarchy · 06/08/2018 17:41

Jesus.
He knows your hands are a little full right?

My husband works 14 hour days and still doesnt expect that! (Currently on mat leave with first child 17weeks). He even offers to cook! Not a brag but i think his 2 weeks of unpaid pat leave was eye opening for him to see how overwhelming it can get. I csnt even imagine have a 19month old on top of that.

Yea some women do it. My mum managed this with 3 children. But it should not ever be expected.

Ittakestwo · 06/08/2018 17:41

Do you think he’s being reasonable? I think you probably don’t and there’s nothing wrong with that.
What he wants and what he gets depends on the kind of day you’ve have, and with two babies it’s probably tough!

bluemascara · 06/08/2018 17:41

I don't think it's unreasonable.
You may not have it served hot for him walking in the door but it's reasonable to expect that you've prepared a meal that is in the oven or he can put in the microwave

Lemontart25 · 06/08/2018 17:45

So he goes out 2-4 nights a week, only helps with the toddler every other night & nothing with the newborn? Ha, No!!! He can "expect" all he likes. I would "expect" a better partnership from my husband in all honesty.

Thesearepearls · 06/08/2018 17:45

I cooked dinner for DH every night when I was on maternity leave

The dinners were getting ever more elaborate until DH quietly begged me to stop. He said he'd put on a stone since I'd been on maternity leave and wasn't it about time I went back to work?