Is my husband reasonable?

[Twickerhun]

My DH wants me to have dinner cooked and ready for when he gets home from work.

I’m on mat leave with a newborn and a 19 month old.

He usually gets back from work just after 6. He is out of the house at work for 12 hours a day. He wants to eat early so he can go out for a run/cycle/gym once the children are in bed.

Is it reasonable for him to expect me to have dinner cooked for him?

With a newborn? And a 19mo? HIBVU. And any hint of an expectation/demand is getting into pretty unpleasant territory.

When the dc are older, it may be a reasonable assumption that you will generally cook (not necessarily that it will be on the table for 6!), but even then, demanding/expecting it as if you were staff is not on.

Your mil told him that the two of you were having a girly chat about cleaning so he could go out?
I would expect him to tell her to butt out. If not I would have told her to fuck off!

My EX H expected a hot meal on the table when he got in from work when I had a new baby and a toddler, so he could then go out again 3-4 times a week.

My now DH got home and cooked the evening meal every evening after work when I was on maternity leave. I’ve got 4 kids now and he knew I was at home to look after babies, not be a general skivvy. After the first few months we went back to sharing the load, but i’m his equal partner, not his helpmeet.

The prep/batch cook thing is not really addressing the problem. The problem is a man who thinks that his wife's job, after they become parents, is to facilitate things so that his life doesn't change. And who has no concept of what looking after a newborn and a toddler, with all the delights of a postnatal body, actually MEANS.

Batch cooking and freezing food wouldn't solve this issue, unless of course she was batch cooking and freezing him. I would not convict.

I personally think that is a reasonable request, if you are home all day, whether you have children or not you should be able to get a meal ready for him when he comes in, it isn’t a lot to ask.

Does he bring you breakfast in bed? It's 1 for 1. You eat breakfast in bed and he gets tea on the table.

Buy a 101 slow cooker recipes book. Sling in the ingredients as you get round to it. Meat first then veggies as and when throughout the day. Always ready as he walks in, no matter what time.

You should also make sure you go out asap and leave him with both kids and tell him you expect tea promptly served at 6pm witching hour when you get in. Just to make sure he appreciates you doing it for him!

@crazydoglady6867 have you ever actually done this? Cooked a meal every night while looking after a newborn and toddler?

If so, please share your secret.. I'd really love to know how you managed it.

I'm not sure. You're essentially a SAHM and on any other thread you would be expected to do it all as he has been at work all day

Fuck off.
she isn’t a SAHM, she is on mat leave. Even if she was a SAHM the term is stay at home mum. Not HFC (husbands fucking chef)

I think he is after a Stepford wife type.
Just tell him OP either he pulls his weight and does 50/50 or he can get out and thats it.

crazydoglady6867

It is an enormous amount to ask. He leaves work at 5.30, and between 5.30 and 6, the OP is meant to ignore the needs of her tiny baby and toddler in order to ensure his dinner is prepped?

Why can't he make a meal himself?

I have 2 children 16 months apart. Maternity leave after the 2nd was the hardest year of my life. Physically and mentally exhausting, no breaks, constantly 'on'. I have now returned to work in a reasonably senior/pressured office job 4 days a week and it is a breeze compared to being at home with two small children. Of course, cook him tea if all is going well, same as he should cook tea when he's had a smooth day at work. I'm guessing if he's honest and/Or knew the reality of what you're dealing with day in day out that would mean he would be cooking tea 4 out of 5 weekdays!!

crazydoglady6867 I guess Mary poppins was based on your life if it’s that bloody easy

Op. I would laugh in his face. As for the app so you can follow his every movement.......I’d be by the door as he got home. I’d put the baby in his arms and say “your turn!”.
Just unbelievable.

With a man like this, you need to go back to work asap and do the kids/house/cooking 50-50

As he clearly does not respect the concept of sahp, and never will

So back to work, or be a skivvy (get his pipe and slippers ready whilst you are at it)

It's doable sometimes. But it's hard to get the dinner on if the baby is screaming or needs feeding etc. Casseroles or one pot meals are good. Prepare them when you get the chance and bung in oven.

There's always beans on toast too.

crazydoglady please do tell us how you cook when your new baby is heavily into cluster feeding and your toddler is clamorring for attention. I'd love to know.

I wonder how men like this managed when they were single. They still had to work, and there was no one at home he could treat like a skivvy. However did they survive with no one to wipe their arses?

Of course it's not unreasonable. It's not difficult to have produced a meal with two babies in tow.
It's not wife's work it's whoever is home to make it.
In a few years you can be at work too and you can both have nights off to do your own stuff. ( if you aren't happy leaving the newborn ATM which you stated earlier).
If you aren't happy with the arrangement make sure it's different at the weekends and get a decent hobby planned for next year.

"Twickerhun

He wants dinner done every night.
He goes out 2-4 nights a week."

Hmmm I'm not a math genius but to me the answer is cook dinner only on the nights he doesn't go out on the days he works. Just simple things like a pasta bake.

I wonder how men like this managed when they were single. They still had to work, and there was no one at home he could treat like a skivvy. However did they survive with no one to wipe their arses?

Well, obviously that was totally different because they hadn't purchased a woman at that point. And everyone knows that once your wife is on maternity leave in order to recover after the fucking horror of birthing your child, and care for him/her, that makes you the Main or Sole Earner, and therefore you have purchased her.

SheWoreBlueVelvet

But why? Why should the OP run round like a twat getting his dinner ready so he can leave the house shortly after he comes home for leisure and she can keep working?

Why is he out so much in the evening when he has 2 small children? When does he see you? How much does he do around the house?

All those saying it's perfectly reasonable. Do you also think it's reasonable that he has done none of the care for his own child yet?

OP I think you need a serious word with your DH, try to lower his expectations and make sure he understands how hard it is for you 'at home'.

roadto If you can’t get an hour to yourself to make your partner a meal with 1/2 even three children you are really doing something wrong. I have had children and I know that I had many many hours to do housework cooking and god forbid even have a nap and my children survived! It is about time SAHP was understood for what it is, a chance to spend time with your children and look after the wage earner, god knows what these men/women are doing with their time to be so short of an hour to cook a decent meal. Does her toddler not eat, why not make a meal when she does theirs and plate it up. Get real and think about what you are all saying this OP is home ALL day.