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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my husband reasonable?

396 replies

Twickerhun · 06/08/2018 17:24

My DH wants me to have dinner cooked and ready for when he gets home from work.

I’m on mat leave with a newborn and a 19 month old.

He usually gets back from work just after 6. He is out of the house at work for 12 hours a day. He wants to eat early so he can go out for a run/cycle/gym once the children are in bed.

Is it reasonable for him to expect me to have dinner cooked for him?

OP posts:
Everyoneiswingingit · 07/08/2018 17:15

Not really. Only on MN.

Everyoneiswingingit · 07/08/2018 17:18

My point is not about him. He sounds very lazy and expectant. My point is entirely about not being able to prepare a meal because you have 2 chn. I did it, millions do it every day. It's team work. If one is out working the other does housework including child care and making simple meal. If he worked away would she and her toddler not eat?

IDontEatFriedTurtle · 07/08/2018 17:23

No, ovens are usually not great places for children.

It doesn't matter if she could struggle though if her husband was away. he is not away.

I could drive the bins down to the tip if the binmen refused to do it. I could have an unassisted home birth if my midwife flat out refused to help me. I could grab a garden hose and put my own house fire out if the fire dept didn't want to. What's you point?

Everyoneiswingingit · 07/08/2018 17:24

No, ovens are usually not great places for children. Lol

Everyoneiswingingit · 07/08/2018 17:26

I wonder how she manages? I'm presuming she uses 2 hands to type on MN?

IDontEatFriedTurtle · 07/08/2018 17:30

not on a smart phone. And you can't burn a child with a grease fire on a smart phone.

She could live on beans on toast but wouldn't it make more sense for the other fully functioning adult in the house to come home and make dinner once in a while?

Everyoneiswingingit · 07/08/2018 17:53

I think we both know that babies are not being dangles over fires or spitting fat. Most people take care or put the baby down in a safe place, or prepare simple food or put the slow cooker on while baby sleeps.It's not that hard whether you are male or female. I'll leave you to your argument in a paper bag turtle as that is what you are intent on it seems. Must go and prepare a meal for my family.

firsttimemum889 · 07/08/2018 17:59

Dont you altrady cook for you ? And your toddler ? So surely he can eat the same thing ?

ravenmum · 07/08/2018 18:08

@firsttimemum889 He wants it on the table at a time convenient to him.

RB68 · 07/08/2018 18:10

For me its the wants it on the table at x so he can then go out for y. If he wants the evening off he cooks and gives OP time to herself for that 30 mins or so as he is buggering off to do his thing

Pengggwn · 07/08/2018 18:15

Is it just me, or is the phrase "prepare a meal" nauseating?

derxa · 07/08/2018 18:17

I wouldn't be cooking gourmet meals but I don't think it's unreasonable. As long as he does the shopping. I'm sure I did this but can't actually remember. Surely you want to eat as well.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 07/08/2018 18:19

Why are so many people missing the fact that he wants her to time it specifically for his maximum convenience so that he can fuck off?

When OP's not breastfeeding, is she going to get all these evenings off while he does dinner, bath and bed?

BabySharkDooDooDooDoo · 07/08/2018 18:22

He is being so unreasonable it is unreal. Cheeky arse can help with dinner it wont melt him fs

LeftRightCentre · 07/08/2018 18:31

Is it just me, or is the phrase "prepare a meal" nauseating?

No, it's not just you.

Pengggwn · 07/08/2018 18:36

LeftRightCentre

Oh thank God.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 07/08/2018 18:52

I don't mind it too much, but when it's preceded or followed by 'because looking after young children while postpartum means your life is a total doss and you now exist to facilitate everyone else's fun', that's when the frying pans come out...for the purpose that'll please ME.

Pengggwn · 07/08/2018 18:54

AynRandTheObjectivist

Fair play! I'd be like, well, I would cook you dinner, but the following items are 'busy' this evening: the frying pan, the fine grater and the whisk.

cheshiremama89 · 07/08/2018 18:58

I do this EVERY night with a 6MO as well as making him a packed lunch for the next day.

If I didn't we wouldn't eat dinner.

DH has a high pressured job and not home before 7pm.

He does the bath, and cleans the kitchen afterwards though...

AynRandTheObjectivist · 07/08/2018 19:01

I used to live alone and not get home before 7pm. I made my own dinner. If I didn't I wouldn't eat dinner.

LeftRightCentre · 07/08/2018 19:03

If it's such a no big deal to prepare a meal then there's no reason why he isn't capable of knocking it up himself for himself.

Exactly, Ayn. I worked long hours for years, worked abroad, sorted my own dinner even after a long shift. Imagine!

Pengggwn · 07/08/2018 19:05

cheshiremama89

Right, so when your DH gets home, the rest of the work is shared.

cheshiremama89 · 07/08/2018 19:09

@Pengggwn yes, but can't help but feel he has the nice task! While I run around like a blue arsed fly!

Cook dinner
Eat
DH baths DS
(I have to assist DH getting DS out of bath, seems incapable of doing it alone!)
Make packed lunch
Go to bed for 9pm because DS is bedsharing and will only breastfeed to sleep

Sad seriously hate my life atm

Need to start a proper bedtime routine but DH probably won't see DS before bed, and he will get no dinner!

AynRandTheObjectivist · 07/08/2018 19:15

(I have to assist DH getting DS out of bath, seems incapable of doing it alone!)

What? From the tone of your comment I assume there's no disability or anything, so what's the problem?

You have a six month old, you say? A six month old what???

Pengggwn · 07/08/2018 19:18

cheshiremama89

Yes, you definitely have the bum deal.

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