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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my husband reasonable?

396 replies

Twickerhun · 06/08/2018 17:24

My DH wants me to have dinner cooked and ready for when he gets home from work.

I’m on mat leave with a newborn and a 19 month old.

He usually gets back from work just after 6. He is out of the house at work for 12 hours a day. He wants to eat early so he can go out for a run/cycle/gym once the children are in bed.

Is it reasonable for him to expect me to have dinner cooked for him?

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 06/08/2018 18:02

do u get anytime off-does he think its easy coz he has an actual job

bloody men think the world revolves around them

Original poster
Twickerhun · 06/08/2018 18:03

MrsDarcy - food for thought. Thank you Shame I can’t cook your words for dinner

OP posts:
GreatRailwayMaps · 06/08/2018 18:03

Only if he's going to do the washing up and clean up the kitchen afterwards!

Hidillyho · 06/08/2018 18:03

Tell him you want your breakfast ready for the exact time you get up. You also want the kids dressed and teeth brushed before he goes to work

Stillme1 · 06/08/2018 18:04

Get him the cheapest nastiest microwave meals possible and say this is what I can do with 2 tiny kids around.

He will then learn to either cook or starve

mumsastudent · 06/08/2018 18:05

dh put up with jacket potato omelette and salad in desperation he cooked :) = otherwise you get a selection of cheap microwave meals & take your choice love & by the way do one for me - ahem - cook for him but cremate it - he will get the hint!

Stompythedinosaur · 06/08/2018 18:05

He's totally unreasonable! I am outraged for you! How offensive!

He should be doing half the childcare and housework when not at work, not going out so often. When do you get a break?

YouBetterWORK · 06/08/2018 18:07

It's maternity leave. Not housework leave, not wiping husband's bum and having dinner on the table so he can eat, swan off and leave you with the washing up no doubt leave, maternity leave. If you can get any chores done it's a bonus. Same with cooking dinner. But not an expectation of dinner every night, and especially not with a newborn!

In fact if it was my DH he'd probably get home and be cooking dinner for me if I'd not been able to get anything done.

He's got arms and a brain right? He is way unreasonable and the only dinner you should prepare for him with that attitude is the kind you pierce with a fork, and if you time it just right it'll go ping when he walks through the door. Smile Anything more he can sort himself!

littlecabbage · 06/08/2018 18:08

Yep, he is being totally unreasonable. What an anachronism.

DiegoMadonna · 06/08/2018 18:08

Tell him you want dinner cooked and ready for you at 7.30pm so you can eat it and watch TV in the evening after putting the kids to bed. I wonder what his response would be.

CarlyJayne1987 · 06/08/2018 18:08

My partner joked about this scenario once.

Told him if he was for real i would help him pack.

Scifi101 · 06/08/2018 18:09

The lack of care and support that he is showing you makes me feel sad.

Where is the love and support that should be in your marriage?

RoadToRivendell · 06/08/2018 18:09

I think that it would be very nice for you to get dinner on if it's possible, but I'd actually hate my husband if he were to expect this of me. God knows there are some very hard days with a newborn and toddler, and some newborns cannot be put down from about 5-10pm.

MiddlingMum · 06/08/2018 18:09

Outrageous. Do you blame his mother? Or who else gave him the idea that you were his servant?

Racmactac · 06/08/2018 18:10

My husband expected this shit when I had 3 under the age of 6.

He is now my EX husband.

Tiredspice2 · 06/08/2018 18:10

For goodness sake!! What is wrong with these men and some of these crazy outdated views!? Such entitlement! You work full time as well, in the home. Most importantly you have a new born and toddler! If anything he should be rushing home to help you as much as he can, especially in these early stages. He demands his food on the table and goes off to do what he wants. It’s lik you are a single mother.

He sounds like a dictator!!

Just refuse to make dinner for him. Seriously, he can’t talk to you like that.

TheBitchOfTheVicar · 06/08/2018 18:11

@Oysterbabe that!

Then we knocked a few walls through and went open plan...nowhere to shut myself Shock

AtypicalMan · 06/08/2018 18:11

Yes he is being unreasonable

Pippylou · 06/08/2018 18:12

I actually do get my DH's tea pretty much every night but the difference here is crucial, he doesn't expect it.

I also do not have kids, esp not very small babies and he works way more than me. But it's the expectation that's key here...and also he's here every evening. Where is your time here?

He is also retiring soon, so I've been suggesting he cooks occasionally and he's finding it very hard!

Elephant14 · 06/08/2018 18:12

Now you see when I read your title I knew immediately that he very probably was, and it seems he is indeed an entitled arse. As a poster said earlier, tell him "off you pop cunty chops" and I'd just leave it there.

ImAIdoot · 06/08/2018 18:12

12 hours every day is pretty respectable hours and more than most people do. I'd be prepared to consider it but he would have to understand that 12 hours is also a respectable time to do baby care alone and then have your relief bugger off out to do grown up play time gym/cycling instead of letting you have a wash, go to the toilet, go out for some air, get 10 minutes to yourself etc in the way he is probably used to every bloody day of the week if he wants to.

So "expect"? Nope. Fuck that.

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 06/08/2018 18:12

Access to an app that shows how near home he is Shock

He's an entitled twunt....if DP said this is get him checked assuming he had a head injury

I echo the above posters

diddl · 06/08/2018 18:12

I think that it's the sort of thing that is sometimes possible with a toddler & newborn & sometimes isn't.

It wouldn't be my priority, but if I was cooking for myself I would probably do enough for him to reheat when he got in.

I don't think it should be expected though.

Pebblesandfriends · 06/08/2018 18:12

Can you get him to have the baby for a day so he understands? It is unreasonable to demand but if you batch cook on weekends you can freeze portions which he can microwave when he gets in..

airsealengineer · 06/08/2018 18:14

Bloody hell, you're his chattel aren't you? (not having a dig at you OP, but him)
Looking after kids that young is bloody hard work.
I agree with PP that he should making your dinner! Not expecting you to get his ready so he can go out.
As for the handmaiden who said you can just pop a ready meal in the microwave, well he can do that himself can't he?
Sorry but a man who has no understanding of what your life is like but expects you to wait on him is no man at all.

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