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Original poster

Is it unreasonable to send an email at 4am?

293 replies

FrazzledRockRed · 05/08/2018 11:30

The Dj at my wedding shouted at me two days before my wedding. I had emailed a list of ‘must play’ songs. I sent it st 4am as I was awake, stressed etc.

The next day he sent DH a text saying ‘keep your wife under control and not disturbing me in the middle of the night’

Just to clarify, it was not a text, it was an email.

I can only assume he put some sort of notification ping for messages from us, because we were the next job he was doing. It really upset me to be treated like that. It’s not my fault he can’t manage his notifications or groupon and all sorts of spam would keep him up Day and night.

OP posts:
Cauliflowersqueeze · 05/08/2018 11:31

I wouldn’t send one at 4am. I’d write it and put it in Drafts and then send at 8 or 9am.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 05/08/2018 11:31

But the text about keeping his wife under control is outrageous

Blerg · 05/08/2018 11:32

I wouldn’t want to use him after he was so incompetent, unprofessional and sexist. Emails can be sent at anytime, people should control their notifications if trying to sleep!

YeTalkShiteHen · 05/08/2018 11:33

I think sending anything which would potentially send a notification in the middle of the night is staggeringly thoughtless tbh.

My phone is usually on silent at night, but when my Mum was very ill I had to keep it on loud. One particular friend had to be bluntly told to stop fucking sending shit in the wee hours of the morning.

As PP said, by all means write it at 4am, but don’t hit send until the morning.

JacquesHammer · 05/08/2018 11:33

He’s a sexist twat.

You of course aren’t being unreasonable. It’s an email not a summons. The beauty of emails is they can be sent at any time, but dealt with later.

If he’s set up notifications that’s his bad luck.

YeTalkShiteHen · 05/08/2018 11:33

But yes, the “wife under control” comment was absolutely awful. He should have just spoken to you and asked you not to do it again.

Alwayscommuting · 05/08/2018 11:34

That's his own fault for having notifications set that he would be woken up at that time. With the comments he made I would be finding another DJ. I wouldn't call someone at 4am and unless I knew they had their phone off or on silent I wouldn't text them but I wouldn't think twice about an email.

Cel982 · 05/08/2018 11:34

Nothing wrong with sending an email at any time, it's not intrusive the way a call would be. I'd forget about it, his response clearly indicates that he's a sexist twat of the highest order so his opinion on email etiquette is unlikely to be correct.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 05/08/2018 11:34

I would be sacking him for such a rude, sexist and arsey reply! It is fine to send an email any time of day as long as you don’t expect an immediate answer. He sounds an almighty git.

Oysterbabe · 05/08/2018 11:35

It's fine to send an email at 4am. Emails and texts are designed to be sent at the sender's convenience and read at the recipients convenience. It isn't your fault he doesn't manage his setting properly and allows his phone to disturb him.
I would also sack him for being an arsehole.

Original poster
FrazzledRockRed · 05/08/2018 11:35

The message was perfectly normal.

Dear Dj,

Please would you play these songs. (List of about 30) no particular order. Let me know if there are any problems getting any of the songs.

From Frazzled

All normal chart songs.

What we had done is put a message in our rsvp ‘we would love to see you on the dance floor! Please pick a song that will get you moving’ and they could write it down, so that everyone had at least one song they liked. I had only finalised the list a few days before the wedding and sent it on.

There were only one or two unusual ones from older people e.g. frank Sinatra, but nothing way out there that would cause a lot of extra work.

OP posts:
Lindalee3 · 05/08/2018 11:35

WOW, he would definitely be getting the boot. What a horrid, misogynistic cunt. I am shocked you still used him.

How did he get disturbed by an email? If he sleeps with his (smart) phone on and it pinged in his ear at 4am, tough shit. Shouldn't sleep with the smartphone in the bedroom.

I often get mates, friends and family abroad, and even people in the UK sending texts and emails and tweets at stupid 0 clock. I don't mind, as I don't sleep with my phone! Hmm

museumum · 05/08/2018 11:36

Email is not “instant” messaging. Send whenever you want. I get loads from other time zones. I have my phone on silent overnight but if I needed it on for any reason I would certainly not have email notifications on, that’s ridiculous.

Cel982 · 05/08/2018 11:36

Sorry, I'm presuming the wedding is over at this stage - otherwise I would have cancelled any supplier who spoke to/about me like that.

Clairetree1 · 05/08/2018 11:36

yes a 4am email is extremely rude and inconsiderate, and would be a disciplinary offense at my place of work

His response is pretty poor too

DorothyGarrod · 05/08/2018 11:36

People email me at all times of the day and night because my work is international. I have my phone on silent at night so I don’t get disturbed. It is his misogynistic problem, not yours.

BarbaraOcumbungles · 05/08/2018 11:37

I wouldn’t have used the sexist twat after that and would have told him why!

Nixen · 05/08/2018 11:38

He sounds like a dick for the telling your DH to ‘keep you under control’ never mind the email thing. Douche. I’d find another DJ if possible

VioletCharlotte · 05/08/2018 11:38

This would stop me from using him, how very rude! I get all sorts of emails (mostly marketing ones) in the middle of the night, I don't even notice them to the next morning, why would you? If his phone pings every time he gets an email, that's his fault!

Madeline18 · 05/08/2018 11:40

That text back is outrageous. I have a couple of numbers that will come through on my personal phone even when it's set to silent, he should do that if expecting something urgent.

In a semi related matter I have had to block my general managers EA from being able to contact me on my work phone. I have to do on call work so I have to have my phone on loud so I don't miss texts and calls and she will text me stupid stuff all through the day which really really annoys me as I only want to have to check my phone for actual important things, not a newspaper article she thinks I want to see at 6.30am on a Sunday when she gets up. I've complained but that hasn't stopped her so blocking was the only solution!

GerdaLovesLili · 05/08/2018 11:40

Emails can and should be sent at any time of day or night. If the recipient can't work out how to mute their devices when they don't want to be disturbed, they should probably give up on the 21st century and join a nunnery/monastery.

Also, he's a staggeringly rude idiot. Ditch him.

eggncress · 05/08/2018 11:40

I would send at any time of day or night. It’s up to him to switch off his notifications.Thats not your problem.
It wouldn’t surprise me if he didn’t get woken up, but just saying that to make you feel guilty.
I would have got a replacement DJ too after his comments.

purplecorkheart · 05/08/2018 11:41

I wouldn't have sent the email at 4am as most people get notifications on their phones.

However, his behaviour was totally out of order.

liz70 · 05/08/2018 11:42

Arsehole. I'd have ditched the dickhead there and then. Not sure if I could be arsed to explain to the thick twat that you weren't your DH2B's "wife" the day before your wedding, either.

People who don't want to be disturbed at night should either switch off or mute their pcs and gadgets when they go to bed. It's not that difficult.

thecatsthecats · 05/08/2018 11:42

A text at 4am would be ridiculous, but anyone keeping email notifications on at any time of day on their phone no less is an idiot.

Emails, by definition, are asynchronous, and at the whim of the reader. Nobody should be sending urgent communications by email, so there should be no reason to be instantly alerted to them.

I don't even have a pop up on my notification bar.

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