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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it unreasonable to send an email at 4am?

293 replies

FrazzledRockRed · 05/08/2018 11:30

The Dj at my wedding shouted at me two days before my wedding. I had emailed a list of ‘must play’ songs. I sent it st 4am as I was awake, stressed etc.

The next day he sent DH a text saying ‘keep your wife under control and not disturbing me in the middle of the night’

Just to clarify, it was not a text, it was an email.

I can only assume he put some sort of notification ping for messages from us, because we were the next job he was doing. It really upset me to be treated like that. It’s not my fault he can’t manage his notifications or groupon and all sorts of spam would keep him up Day and night.

OP posts:
Lindalee3 · 05/08/2018 11:58

@Clairetree1

yes a 4am email is extremely rude and inconsiderate, and would be a disciplinary offense at my place of work

You are, of course, JOKING?

Elephant14 · 05/08/2018 11:59

What sort of twattery is this? I send e-mails to clients 2am if I am up against a deadline. Advertising e-mails come in overnight, even emails telling you that a new bank statement is ready. Is this man in a constant state of hysteria with his notifications on, awaiting any shit that might come in and then PING wailing and rending his clothes shouting "if only all these men would control their wives!!'?

Fuck him right off out of it. Please don't tell us you have kept him on?!

Strugglingtodomybest · 05/08/2018 12:00

What a dick he is.

You did nothing wrong and if he got woken up by your email then that's his own fault. I can't imagine having notifications set on my phone for emails. Doesn't everyone get hundreds a day??

Clairetree1 · 05/08/2018 12:00

why would I be joking? people have notifications on for all sorts of reasons, not the OPs business whether he has not not .

Very rude to email at that time

Elephant14 · 05/08/2018 12:00

Oh oh sounds like the wedding has been and gone. Wait till around 3am and e-mail to thank him.

frogsoup · 05/08/2018 12:01

Of course you can send an email at any time of the day or night Shock To the person saying it'd be a disciplinary to send an email at 4am - what happens if you're (shock horror) emailing somebody in the USA or Japan? Do you have to stay up and send in the middle of the night so that it arrives in their office hours?! I'm honestly boggling at some of these replies.

Re the DJ, if he has his email set up to ping all night every time a message arrives, more fool him. Not altogether surprising though that such a neanderthal arsehole would also have an IQ so low that he can't work out the very basics of using the internet.

Bombardier25966 · 05/08/2018 12:01

a 4am email is extremely rude and inconsiderate, and would be a disciplinary offense at my place of work

Bollocks.

Strugglingtodomybest · 05/08/2018 12:01

Sorry, that sounded a bit boasty! I just mean that I get loads from all my social media accounts, newsletters I've signed up for, stuff I've bought etc etc.

Strugglingtodomybest · 05/08/2018 12:02

Very rude to email at that time

It really really isn't.

NotTheFordType · 05/08/2018 12:03

Has your wedding already happened? If so, and you didn't sack him, I'd leave an absolutely scathing review for him on every website possible. TrustPilot, Google, Yell, Yelp, Facebook etc.

glintandglide · 05/08/2018 12:03

Oh and if someone tried to give me a disciplinary for that I would quit, begin the process of taking them to employment tribunal and only agree to stop it if they paid me an enormous amount of money.

meerkatsinmyuggboots2 · 05/08/2018 12:04

but the text about keeping his wife under contro is outrageous I know. I was like "bleurghhh" when I read that bit.

mostdays · 05/08/2018 12:04

It's an email for goodness sake, not a call or text. I set my phone not to ping when I get a new email because I don't want to be woken up by them at night, is this man not able to do the same? As for the 'keep your wife under control' comment- I'd want to sack him for that alone!

ImAIdoot · 05/08/2018 12:04

Generally it's ok to send emails whenever if they're personal because people control their own notification settings.

I would avoid doing it with work/business emails because some people will wake up to deal with them, especially if some function they use their work email for involves being available outside working hours and you don't know - better to be safe than sorry.

Keeping your wife under control, this is rude, there's no situation where you should say or expect this (well ok I just thought of one, but off topic for this thread). I would accordingly NOT give this man your money or any business, I would make a point of emailing him to accept his cancellation of the work.

JacquesHammer · 05/08/2018 12:04

Very rude to email at that time

What a lot of nonsense especially with all the tools smartphones have to personalise notifications to the nth degree.

MadMags · 05/08/2018 12:06

There is absolutely no way that sending an email at a certain time is a disciplinary event so that's bullshit for a start.

And I don't care that I don't know where that poster works. There's just no way that's true.

OP, why on earth did you keep him after he'd done that? I would slate him on social media, in reviews, and any other way I could. How fucking dare he, the sexist twat?

meerkatsinmyuggboots2 · 05/08/2018 12:07

RE: the notifications on his phone, why could he not just turn them off overnight? Or turn the phone off overnight? My sister, bless her, is like "I'm going to bed, please don't send anything to my phone" and am like "why does she have her phone on whilst asleep?"

userabcname · 05/08/2018 12:07

No way were you unreasonable. I get emails all through the day and night (teacher) and accept this is because people have different routines / shift patterns etc so ensure I do not have email notifications pinged to my phone. Does he have social media for his DJ-ing business? I would be leaving some strongly worded feedback about his lack of professionalism and sexism if I were you.

DarlingNikita · 05/08/2018 12:08

Has the wedding happened now? If not, sack him for sure. ‘keep your wife under control'???? What a cunt.

I choose to have email notifications for important clients etc, but am an intelligent adult and therefore capable of turning them off at night, on holidays etc.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 05/08/2018 12:08

I am staggered that anyone thinks it's rude to send an email at 4am.

titchy · 05/08/2018 12:08

yes a 4am email is extremely rude and inconsiderate, and would be a disciplinary offense at my place of work

I'd like to see that in a tribunal! Utter bollocks.

People are responsible for managing their own notifications. It's not up to the sender to do that for them. Presumably the recipients are NT adults with a basic knowledge of technology?

JumblieGirl · 05/08/2018 12:08

Of course it isn’t, the whole point of an email is that you can write one whenever you choose and answer it likewise. As others have said, a text or a phonre call would be a problem, but an email?
The comment is unacceptable, and I’d be looking for a replacement.

Original poster
FrazzledRockRed · 05/08/2018 12:10

It was too late to get anyone else.

He got our first dance wrong too. We had a first dance and last dance and mixed them up. He was grumpy and didn’t speak.

He’s someone who was on local radio in our hometown years ago. Many would remember him and I thought it would be nice to have his voice. He didn’t speak once so no one knew who he was Sad. I suppose I wasn’t clear enough why I had hired him but I think it was pretty obvious. E.g. welsh drive time radio and we are now in London.

OP posts:
oxcat1 · 05/08/2018 12:11

Totally off-topic, but it really would not have occurred to me not to send an email outside 'normal' hours. I get 50+ emails a day, arriving throughout the day and night, but they simply show as unread on my phone, to be dealt with when I have the time.

I am genuinely surprised how many people consider this thoughtless, and one person even mentioned it being a 'disciplinary' offence?! Really I had no idea, and I would love a straw poll of what percentage would genuinely consider this rude?

HappyEverIftar · 05/08/2018 12:11

I don't hold sway with this withholding-because-it's-a-certain-time philosophy at all. I send emails/texts/WhatsApp's at my convenience, fully expecting the recipient to respond at theirs. If there were mitigating circumstances (someone upthread mentioned having to be available for a sick relative) then yes of course I would be mindful of this.

Everyone else is fair game; If you cannot manage your alert notifications in a manner convenient to yourself, then that's on you.

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