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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it unreasonable to send an email at 4am?

293 replies

FrazzledRockRed · 05/08/2018 11:30

The Dj at my wedding shouted at me two days before my wedding. I had emailed a list of ‘must play’ songs. I sent it st 4am as I was awake, stressed etc.

The next day he sent DH a text saying ‘keep your wife under control and not disturbing me in the middle of the night’

Just to clarify, it was not a text, it was an email.

I can only assume he put some sort of notification ping for messages from us, because we were the next job he was doing. It really upset me to be treated like that. It’s not my fault he can’t manage his notifications or groupon and all sorts of spam would keep him up Day and night.

OP posts:
SeaWitchly · 05/08/2018 12:13

I often send emails at 3am or 4am as this is often when I wake thinking about my 'to do' list and emailing is one task I can do straight away... and the beauty of sending it at this time means that a task has been ticked off my list and I can go back to sleep.

Bollocks is it rude Hmm People need to learn to turn off their email/text alerts if they are going to sleep right next to their mobile.

meerkatsinmyuggboots2 · 05/08/2018 12:13

Clairetree I suppose if someone was awaiting a kidney donation or something, maybe they might leave their phone notifications on overnight. My friend needed a liver transplant and she had to take a pager with her everywhere in case news came of a liver being available. we were in church together when she got the happy news. The pastor bless him was very supportive of her having pager with her even during the sermon. I cannot think of many reasons though. Perhaps I am unimaginative.

Having said all that I do try to not send things at night just in case. If the person wants their notifiations on, not my business to tell them to switch them off.

itbemay · 05/08/2018 12:13

I am of the thinking that if you don’t want to be disturbed you put your phone on silent so sending a text at 4am wouldn’t be unreasonable to me. His text to your dh is rude and outrageous! I hope dh responded and said same!!

PinkHeart5914 · 05/08/2018 12:13

Surely the beauty of email is you can send them anytime of day and anyone that doesn’t want notifications turns the sound off?

I own a business and I am never disturbed in the middle of the night becuase the sound is turned off before I go to bed.

You weren’t unreasonable at all OP

Badbilly · 05/08/2018 12:14

What sort of DJ is asleep at 4am? Do the clubs close very early in your area?

Generally speaking, Wedding DJ's and Club DJ's are completely different genres, and my experience (been a DJ since 1972-still working) Wedding DJ's are usually older and play a totally different music mix.

This guy was an arse though, and if it hadn't been 2 days before the OP's wedding, I would have sacked him.

Unfortunately, I find many DJ's to be so full of themselves and have ego's the size of the earth, and fail to fully understand customer relations and seem to think they are doing you a favour by playing music at your wedding.

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 05/08/2018 12:14

When we get threads like this, and people are annoyed they get texts in the middle of the night thinking it is rude, and others are all "texting is at the convenience of the sender, it is your fault for not having DND on " I am always firmly on the side of sending texts in the middle of the night is damn rude.

But even I would send an email whenever.

No way would he be dj'ing at my wedding now. He would make me uncomfortable all night.

BewareOfDragons · 05/08/2018 12:14

He's a sexist twat.

I email or message friends all over the world ... I don't sit around wondering what time it is on their side if I'm responding to things ... figure they'll get back to me when they're up and they can!

He should have his phone/electronics turned off or on silent if he's asleep. That's on him entirely, not you.

ImAIdoot · 05/08/2018 12:15

There is absolutely no way that sending an email at a certain time is a disciplinary event so that's bullshit for a start.

I can see this happening in the right circumstances. At my workplace people are on call for emergencies, and if the ancillary staff circulate irrelevant emails to company lists/emails it could result in a bunch of people being woken up to check them. Even receptionists wtc are able to do that in case of emergencies, so anything irrelevant could piss the directors off.

No disciplinary restriction where I work, but I can see how it could end up as one.

mineisarossini · 05/08/2018 12:15

I would be cancelling said DJ and there is no way I would possibly consider using him for my wedding, he could ruin your day.

I send and receive emails all times of the day and night, and so does everyone I know. My friends email me at all the time at 1am onwards or whenever they want, and I email them back once I am up at 05.30am. No one needs to actually read any email unless they want to, it is not the same as a text that could well start pinging at 4am if you leave your phone on.

Totally outrageous message to your dh and I would drop him like a stone.

mostdays · 05/08/2018 12:15

I hope you've left honest feedback for him on a review site somewhere, OP!

SmileSweetly · 05/08/2018 12:15

I wouldn't send an email at that time as I wouldn't want to disturb anyone (email notifications do pop up on phones)

But, that comment if his is dreadful and I hope you've replaced him.

onalongsabbatical · 05/08/2018 12:16

Well he sounds like a miserable misogynistic cunt and I think you should do what a poster suggested and post reviews all over saying all this. What a nasty way to treat a customer, and upset a wedding.

MadMags · 05/08/2018 12:20

I wouldn't send an email at that time as I wouldn't want to disturb anyone (email notifications do pop up on phones)

Unless you change your settings, which is what I did. Hmm

megletthesecond · 05/08/2018 12:20

Nothing wrong with emailing at that time. I never have my phone on at night but I'd assume people who do at least have them on silent.
He's a sexist shit and I'd have had a flounce and sacked him.

eddielizzard · 05/08/2018 12:21

you can send emails at whatever time you like! If he's set his notifications to wake him up in the middle of the night that's his lookout. And his text to your dh was completely unacceptable.

He's a prize arsehole.

Original poster
FrazzledRockRed · 05/08/2018 12:22

Thank you for the replies. The wedding has been and gone. I’ve just been getting some stuff off my chest. I’m probably going to do another thread about something else too.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrazzledRockRed · 05/08/2018 12:22

To be fair, DH shouldn’t have shown me but it was more of wtf, look at this!

OP posts:
TSSDNCOP · 05/08/2018 12:23

My next e mail, sent at whatever time of day pleased me, would be “you’re fired, sincerely TSS”

Ta1kinpeace · 05/08/2018 12:23

Very rude to email at that time
You've never dealt with people whose 9-5 is in other time zones then Hmm

eggncress · 05/08/2018 12:24

“I wouldn't send an email at that time as I wouldn't want to disturb anyone (email notifications do pop up on phones) “

Only if you let them and don’t switch off your notifications ( not difficult)

borlottibeans · 05/08/2018 12:24

What an absolute sexist crackpot. Emails are for all times of day because they are meant to be read at the recipient's convenience. For him to then go on and speak to your fiance like that is totally unacceptable and I would not have someone like that anywhere near my wedding.

I don't know if it's too late now but it's very easy (and cheap) to set up a Spotify playlist and a decent pair of speakers.

borlottibeans · 05/08/2018 12:25

Sorry, x post. I'm sorry this shitbag had to be involved with your wedding.

duplodancer · 05/08/2018 12:26

Emails can be sent at any time. What sort of idiot has notification alerts on emails in the middle of the night? Madness

Badbilly · 05/08/2018 12:27

It was too late to get anyone else.

It's never too late - although it's not a stress that you need in addition to everything else.

He got our first dance wrong too. We had a first dance and last dance and mixed them up. He was grumpy and didn’t speak.

As a professional DJ that is totally unforgivable. He should have really had this discussion with you weeks in advance, but I have also done weddings where they change the song at the last minute, or don't even give it to you until 5 minutes before the dance. In the modern internet age that is not a problem, but in the old days of vinyl it was a major problem. If he didn't actually speak, then you may of well have just hired a juke box!

He’s someone who was on local radio in our hometown years ago. Many would remember him and I thought it would be nice to have his voice. He didn’t speak once so no one knew who he was sad. I suppose I wasn’t clear enough why I had hired him but I think it was pretty obvious. E.g. welsh drive time radio and we are now in London.

I am so sorry that you had this experience with your DJ. It is your special day, but just another gig to him. He should really pull out all the stops to ensure your special day goes exactly as you want it too, and should have professional pride in doing a good job to your specifications. As a DJ of many years standing I would like to apologise on behalf of the profession, as it is arseholes like him that give the whole lot of us a bad name.

Ethylred · 05/08/2018 12:27

He is a weapons-grade idiot.