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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it unreasonable to send an email at 4am?

293 replies

FrazzledRockRed · 05/08/2018 11:30

The Dj at my wedding shouted at me two days before my wedding. I had emailed a list of ‘must play’ songs. I sent it st 4am as I was awake, stressed etc.

The next day he sent DH a text saying ‘keep your wife under control and not disturbing me in the middle of the night’

Just to clarify, it was not a text, it was an email.

I can only assume he put some sort of notification ping for messages from us, because we were the next job he was doing. It really upset me to be treated like that. It’s not my fault he can’t manage his notifications or groupon and all sorts of spam would keep him up Day and night.

OP posts:
missperegrinespeculiar · 05/08/2018 13:04

Have not read the whole thread, but to people saying wait till the morning, I presume you only email people in the UK? I work with people all over the world, if I had to wait for each person to be in their waking hours I'd have to be up for 24 hours myself, be checking the world clock continuously and unable to send the sometimes necessary group emails, I am sorry, but I think it is up to you to manage your notifications!

Whisky2014 · 05/08/2018 13:05

Yanbu and he is a twat. Name and shame

StealthPolarBear · 05/08/2018 13:08

I assume at rgis workplace it's also a savkable offence to email someone who is on leave or off sick.

madcatwoman197700 · 05/08/2018 13:08

Absolutely awful of him! I would be looking for another DJ

I once emailed our electrician who we have used loads at 8pm on a Saturday night. Not as a call out but asking if he could come over and quote for something when he had time. He emailed back saying 'don't contact me on a Saturday night. I deserve a break'

Wtf ?!?!

IDontEatFriedTurtle · 05/08/2018 13:11

You can send an email at any time. He probably gets loads of spam at 4 am. Does he call up the viagra pushers and tell them to fuck off?

Wanker. As for the sexist text to your dh he can fuck himself.

IDontEatFriedTurtle · 05/08/2018 13:11

He emailed back saying 'don't contact me on a Saturday night. I deserve a break

Confused do peopel not realise how email works? He doesn't have to check it!

Scifi101 · 05/08/2018 13:15

I would've expected my husband to be to put the DJ firmly in his place.

I would not have used the DJ no matter how last minute it was.

Bluelady · 05/08/2018 13:17

Isn't the whole point of email that you can deal with it when it suits you? And you're paying this fuckwit money as his customer?

Allthewaves · 05/08/2018 13:20

Nope. I email at all hours. Don't see issue tbh. I turn off WiFi and data on my phone at night

DarlingNikita · 05/08/2018 13:20

I would've expected my husband to be to put the DJ firmly in his place.

Yeah, me too.

sonjadog · 05/08/2018 13:23

Doesn't everyone get emails at all times of day and night? I would have thought these days most people have signed up to emails from international companies that work in different time zones. Standard morning procedure for me is to look through the emails I've got in the course of the night.

SubtitlesOn · 05/08/2018 13:23

I quite often send emails during late evening and night

10pm - 2am etc

When we were selling house sent the to solicitors and EA so they are there when they turn on computer in morning

I don't get up early cos of late night MN and emails and FB etc

I never expected anybody to read or reply to email until next working day

I think a work email sent at 5.55pm when work stops at 6pm is much worse cos it sort of means the person is supposed or expected to read and deal with whatever is within the email before they leave to go home

m0therofdragons · 05/08/2018 13:35

@Clairetree1
yes a 4am email is extremely rude and inconsiderate, and would be a disciplinary offense at my place of work

Really? I work in a hospital with shift and work so that rule is bonkers to me!

ciderhouserules · 05/08/2018 13:35

I don't even have my emails synced to my phone. I read them when I am on my laptop. If I had them on my phone, I'd have the notifications turned off.

If it were Texts, I can understand he would be annoyed at 4am.

And yes, I noticed that ebay/wowcher etc email in the early hours.

middleagedalready · 05/08/2018 13:49

My DH works in an international company so he gets emails 24 hours, this isn't that unsual nowadays I would have thought. It is up to you to manage your own phone settings to ensure you aren't disturbed when you don't want to be.
He response was so bad that I would be looking for someone else ASAP.

Bluelady · 05/08/2018 13:52

Same as you, cider. No email on my phone and most of the rubbish appears overnight. If you make yourself contactable 24/7, don't complain about being contacted

MsBagelLady · 05/08/2018 13:52

YANBU
I expect to be able to send emails whenever I like/ is convenient for me, I do not expect the email to wake the recipient. The only people who read emails at 4am are already awake so it wouldn't be an issue. Nothing urgent is sent via email, the bloke is clearly a moron, get a different disco.

OoohSmooch · 05/08/2018 13:59

yes a 4am email is extremely rude and inconsiderate, and would be a disciplinary offense at my place

I work in HR and that would never be a reason to invite someone for a disciplinary. It's possibly a working time conversation at most.

It's also not rude or inconsiderate....he's working in the entertainment business and provides work for weddings. Some brides and grooms are going to be up with wedding insomnia (not a real thing but I'm 100% it happens), some may work nights. Like any normal sensible person he should have had his email notifications on silent....like someone else above said....he must be waking up all through the night with countless junk mail and email subscriptions!

I worry for all the people on here who actually think it's bad the OP sent this at this time. It an email!

theymademejoin · 05/08/2018 13:59

why would I be joking? people have notifications on for all sorts of reasons, not the OPs business whether he has not not .

No. Not her business but equally not her concern. If you have notifications on, you get notifications. If you don't want notifications, you either turn them all off or modify the settings so that only certain notifications appear.

At my workplace people are on call for emergencies, and if the ancillary staff circulate irrelevant emails to company lists/emails it could result in a bunch of people being woken up to check them.

Email is a very inefficient way of contacting people on call. Phone or pager are much more effective as you know there is immediate contact. Email and text are not necessarily delivered immediately so the emergency response could be delayed significantly if relying on email or text.

I am very much of the school of thought that email and text are asynchronous methods of communication and so can be sent and replied to at the convenience of the sender and responder respectively. Using a synchronous method of communication, such as a phone call, would be rude at 4am. Using an asynchronous method is not. It is the responsibility of the reveiver to set up a notification method that suits them.

I can only presume that all those claiming it is rude don't really understand the nature or purpose of email.

PatchworkGirl · 05/08/2018 14:01

I send emails pretty much any time they occur to me - it wouldn't occur to me that the recipient would have notification on when they don't want to be disturbed. Same with texts - though I might hold off late at night - I would assume that people have set up their phone to suit themsleves and will read/reply at their convenience. Calling is different imo as a ringer might have to be on in case of emergency. So no, YANBU.

InsomniacAnonymous · 05/08/2018 14:04

It's no more unreasonable to send an email at 4am than it is to post a letter at 4am. You're not demanding it be read - let alone answered - immediately.

MusingAboutCruising · 05/08/2018 14:07

I probably wouldn't send an email out at that time now as people are so attached to their phones these days.

However, lots of professional mail shots are sent out automatically in the early hours to ensure receipt (and hopefully reading) first thing in the morning. Emails can also come from other countries, form different time zones.

Overall, I think it's him who's unreasonable and very rude. He's running a business and should know better than to take his phone to bed with him with his notifications on.

MusingAboutCruising · 05/08/2018 14:07

*from

Thebluedog · 05/08/2018 14:12

Yanbu to send an email at 4am. A text or phone call yes, buteail, no not at all.

Callaird · 05/08/2018 14:12

You don't need to keep your phone in loud if you might have someone need to get in contact with you.

With the iPhone you select some numbers as favourites - I have my parents, my brothers home and mobile and my Uncle/godfather Willy. If I’m working overnight (I’m a nanny) then I add the parents to my favourites.

If any of you favourites call 3 times in 5 minutes on the third ring it will be audible.

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