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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it unreasonable to send an email at 4am?

293 replies

FrazzledRockRed · 05/08/2018 11:30

The Dj at my wedding shouted at me two days before my wedding. I had emailed a list of ‘must play’ songs. I sent it st 4am as I was awake, stressed etc.

The next day he sent DH a text saying ‘keep your wife under control and not disturbing me in the middle of the night’

Just to clarify, it was not a text, it was an email.

I can only assume he put some sort of notification ping for messages from us, because we were the next job he was doing. It really upset me to be treated like that. It’s not my fault he can’t manage his notifications or groupon and all sorts of spam would keep him up Day and night.

OP posts:
extinctspecies · 05/08/2018 11:43

How ridiculous.

Absolutely nothing wrong with sending an email at any time of day or night.

It's an email, it's not remotely intrusive.

If people can't manage their work emails by switching off their phones/computers or having them on silent/do not disturb, then that is ridiculous and is their problem, not yours.

MrsSteptoe · 05/08/2018 11:43

Yes, I'd send an email at 4am if that's when I remembered to do it. I also set my phone to Do Not Disturb when I go to bed, and turn it off the next morning. If I was concerned about missing an urgent phone call, I'd turn off the email/text notification at night and leave the phone on. My sleep, my responsibility.

Apart from anything else, I get auto-stuff pinging into my inbox overnight, as well as emails from friends who live abroad.

Devilishpyjamas · 05/08/2018 11:43

I wouldn’t send a text at 4am but wouldn’t think twice about sending an email. Who on earth has constant email notifications?

BertieBotts · 05/08/2018 11:43

Erm no! It's perfectly fine to send an email at whatever time. Emails aren't an urgent form of communication, so don't need notifications on 24/7 anyway. I'm always getting automated emails sent by computer systems in the middle of the night and they don't disturb me.

He was also shockingly rude in response - I would have sacked him.

cardibach · 05/08/2018 11:44

Claire presumably the disciplinary part of that is more about the sender than the recipient? Trying to force people into work life balance?
I can’t see any reason not to send emails whenever - neither rude nor inconsiderate since they don’t require an immediate response. As PPs have said, what if your business/family/friendship group happens to be international? Emails will be sent from different time zones - would you expect them to stay up until work hours here to send an email so you don’t have the indignity or having a message arrive during sleep hours?

Devilishpyjamas · 05/08/2018 11:44

And I do need to be able to receive phone calls at night. So all notifications are switched off except phone/text.

It’s not difficult.

The man is an idiot.

April241 · 05/08/2018 11:45

I receive emails at all sorts of times because I’m signed up to some international companies and get dispatch emails etc. Never been woken up by an email. I also wouldn’t think twice about sending one at 4am either. DJ sounds like a right prick! Do you have anyone else who can stand in? I’d hate to have him at my wedding

PattiStanger · 05/08/2018 11:45

Clairetree1 - what kind of work tries to control what time you send emails?

That's some weird nonsense there, why would you allow your employer to dictate when you can arrange your wedding?

BarefootHippieChick · 05/08/2018 11:45

My dh works with people all over the world and therefore wakes up every morning to a flurry of emails sent from different time zones. He switches all phones, tablets etc off overnight. Anyone who leaves their phone on and doesn't mute it runs the risk of getting a notification of some kind or another. The dj sounds like an absolute twat tbh and I would be finding a better one and telling him exactly why.

Ariela · 05/08/2018 11:46

Emails are, IMO fine whatever the time, as not many people set their phones to ping them when they arrive. Texts or messages are different.

SuperSharpShooter82 · 05/08/2018 11:48

I think he is being ridiculous and very rude!

I get emails sent at all times, often automated crap that comes through in the small hours. My email notification settings on my phone are on vibrate only. I also get emails from work or people abroad, the beauty of email is you can send msgs when you want! They aren't intrusive like texts or calls. I often also get WhatsApp and Facebook messages at crazy times from people who live abroad. We live in a globally connected 24 hour society now. That's what technology is for! So it's up to him to manage his settings.

Also, what stupid notifications has he got on to wake him up?! A tiny ping wouldn't disturb me and even if it did I would ignore it and go back to sleep!

I wouldn't be comfortable having someone so rude at my wedding. I'd sack him on that text alone.

Sunflowersforever · 05/08/2018 11:49

One man telling another to get a woman under control?

Fuck that. I'd rather dance in silence than have that pig present

MrMeSeeks · 05/08/2018 11:50

Id be finding another DJ. No-one speaks about me like that.

haribosmarties · 05/08/2018 11:50

No I wouldnt think so! Why does he have his phone on loud for email alerts at 4am? I keep my turned off and my husband has to have his on for work emergency calls but you can turn the sound on for only calls.. you dont have to have email alerts on. If his phone is capable of getting emails then it will be capable of turning the sound alerts off for them.
Very odd to blame you as I really dont think many people keep email alerts on overnight and so you would not expect to disturb anyone by sending an email at any time.
Also incredibly rude and sexist the way he spoke to your husband about you.

megcustard · 05/08/2018 11:51

Emailing at any time is fine. If he gets notifications every time he received an email then he's an idiot.

As for his response - what a cunt. He wouldn't have come anywhere near my wedding after that.

Yanbu.

Furx · 05/08/2018 11:51

We have a fabulously awful email server at work. It sometimes sits on emails for a few hours.

I’ve had incredulous messages from colleagues ‘did you really send this at 4am?‘

Hell no. I sent it at 2pm.

So YANBU. Emils DONT always Land when they were sent.

Sunnybeachbabe · 05/08/2018 11:51

I'm quite Hmm at the idea that sending an email at certain times is rude and thoughtless. Surely the beauty of email is that it can be sent any time and then read/responded to at leisure. My emails don't come through on my phone unless I open them, also have a sleep mode on my phone which only lets certain callers get through (for emergencies)
Unless you bombarded him with 20 emails and several follow up texts at 4am I can't see the problem. He is an idiot and his comments were awful!

45redballoons · 05/08/2018 11:52

Also him being a DJ what would be an acceptable time? I assume 9am might be too early since he is likely to finish work very late?

Exactly what kind of emergency is a DJ expecting to be emailed that he needs email notifications on? Who has email notifications? Surely that is bloody irritating to have it constantly going off about office nonsense when you’re not at work, just check them every now and then if it’s urgent you’ll get called.

StealthPolarBear · 05/08/2018 11:53

My phone sometimes beeps in the night if I forget to put my do not disturb on. That is my fault!

Tiredperson · 05/08/2018 11:55

Sack him and just set up your computer to play your play list and hire speakers. Who needs djays anymore?!

Also, who has email notifications? That’s crazy. With the amount of spam emails most of us get, we would be woken half the night!

Ginkypig · 05/08/2018 11:56

The entire original point of emails was an electronic mail that can be sent anytime it's convenient and ready to be received/read by the recipient anytime they feel it's convenient.

If his notifications are loud enough to wake him then he's set them up wrong! He is using this (assuming) phone as a business phone so he needs to be responsible about how he sets it up so it doesn't disturb his home life.

To be honest though if he had sent that message to my husband to be then I'd be very seriously considering sacking him and finding someone else! What is this the fucking 50's!

CardsforKittens · 05/08/2018 11:56

What sort of DJ is asleep at 4am? Do the clubs close very early in your area?

Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 05/08/2018 11:57

No need for him to be rude but was this the straw that broke the camel's back? What else had you requested?

Aridane · 05/08/2018 11:58

Fine to send emails any time, not so for texts

glintandglide · 05/08/2018 11:58

Of course it’s not unreasonable. I find it really odd that people are saying it is- what about email marketing that gets sent overnight, people in different time zones, emails that were sent that day but delayed in the system being delivered- surely any sensible person manages this but turning off alerts if it bothers them that much?

I would’ve told the DJ to go fuck himself

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