Not loving my niece

[notthewhiterabbit]

Sounds terrible but I don't feel a connection to my niece and it's not her fault at all. She is a cute little girl.
Background is I don't like sil very much for various reasons. She's quite selfish and has not treated DB well imo. Today, I'm visiting my mum and when arrived, I see that niece has been dropped off by DB before he went to work. While sil is going to have a "day off" (she doesn't work and hasn't had a job for years). My DCs played with her well and we had a nice day overall. But I resented having to looking after someone else's child on my day off. DM was preparing lunch and dinner etc and I ended up having to change niece's nappies and entertained her when my ones slept. We popped out for a walk and as her buggy was too heavy/ difficult to steer for DM so I ended up pushing it, in the heat.
I think I do love my niece but I don't seem to care for her as much as my other niece (DH's sister's dd). I'm not making that much effort to interact with her. What's wrong with me!?

You're projecting your envy and dislike of your sil onto a small child, that's what's wrong with you. Grow up.

Sad really, it's not the baby's fault you don't like her mum. Don't take it out on your niece

If you make an effort you will be able to find things you like about her. It depends if you want to!

Hold on, I haven't taken anything out on my niece. I looked after her today.
And I don't envy her mum. I want to feel connected to her

I presume your sil is a sahm so that is what she does everyday, i dont think you can begrudge her a day off? Anyway, it was your mam who agreed to mind her so its nothing to do with you. You should have left if you didnt want to help your mam mind her, and given the two of them some time to bond, im sure they would have enjoyed their day together. Yabu to resent a child that small and for being mean about your sil getting a day off

This is your brothers child.
Put aside whatever it is you feel for her mum and don't be so pathetic.

Bloody hell.

Judge much? You can’t resent someone for having a day off parenting!!! You have no idea what difficulties she has!

Your husbands niece isnt even related to you. This is your DBs child. Try to remember that. Your blood.

It's ok for your niece to spend a day with her GM. Try not to go over there while your niece is there if it spoils your day off.

It sounds like youre subconciosly projecting your dislike for your sil on to your neice which isn't fair.
You say you love your dhs neice so it can't be because she's someone else's child
Also you seem to resent the fact that this little girl was spending time with your mum. What ever you feel for this little one it's her GC.

It seems your dislike her mother is holding you back from loving your niece as much as you think you should.

Try to separate the two, it's not the little girls fault you don't like her mum, also she didn't ask to be dropped off to your mum's and have you do all the baby sitting that was your DB and SIL decision.

Are you jealous that your mum looked after your niece? That’s how it reads. Why shouldn’t sil have a break sometimes?

Also why didnt you prepare lunch and dinner for your mum so she could spend time with grandchildren?

I find that really sad. I don’t have a fantastic bond with my niece from my brother in comparison to my nephew from my sister. We just do not get to see my brother, sil or niece enough and my brother is the worst at maintaining. My sister and I however talk and see each other all the time.

I would still absolutely love to see and look after my niece regardless if it was my day off. She is my niece and I love and what a better way to bond and enjoy her.

You should not let your dislike of your sil affect how you see time with your niece.

Are you envious of the time your mum spends with the baby? Does she have your children the same amount of time?

I don't get this. You're talking about a young baby here. Is there more to your tale?

I feel the same way about one of my sisters DC. I care about them but I don't like them. You can't force these feelings, as much as I'd like to. Doesn't make you a bad person.

If I find it harder to like a particular child at school I actively look for things to like about them. Works every time- put in extra effort to notice good stuff. They usually end up being ones I particularly enjoy teaching in the end.

Well you can’t help how you feel but it might be an idea to have a look at why it is and think about how it’s not going to become an issue when she’s old enough to realise.

Do you see anything of your brother in her? I’m desperate to be an aunt, I’m already a step aunt but the idea of babies that have bits of my wonderful siblings in is amazing! It’s the next generation, that’s very exciting.

Do your children like spending time with their baby cousin?

You can’t be annoyed at DB, SIL or DN about the heavy buggy or the weather. Your DM shouldn’t be taking on more than she can handle and it sounds like she’d have struggled without you there today but that’s for her to tackle.

You should tell that baby to buy a better pram that is easier for you to push and also reason with that baby to use the toilet. When will that young child get a job so she can earn enough to purchase an easier pram for me to push. How selfish is she?!

In my day, babies were born fully independent and able to carry on conversations to entertain me.

Sarcasm

I've never been a SAHP but I should think that a "me" day is vital if you're spending day in day out with your child.

If you weren't happy to spend time with the poor child you should have left.

You need to put your (seemingly unwarranted) dislike of your SIL aside for the sake of your DB and your niece.

Also it does read you judge your sil for having some time off from your niece. Stay at home mothers are allowed a break too you know and am sure your mum loved having her granddaughter.

Hippo I couldn't refuse to help my dm if she asks me to help push the buggy!
I don't mind at all that she has joined us for the day but wasn't expecting to have to do more childcare. And I arranged to see do today, on my one day off, not likely to just leave after a bit of a drive so I could leave them to it?
I'm trying to find an explanation for the way I feel.

you are MY SIL!

We don't particularly get along although we are civil and never horrible to one another however how she treats my children compared to her other nieces and nephews is disgusting and I've had my eldest ask me why won't anty play with me like she does the others?

You resent the baby. You don't actually dislike her, you just want your mum all to yourself because you don't like SIL.