Not loving my niece

[notthewhiterabbit]

Sounds terrible but I don't feel a connection to my niece and it's not her fault at all. She is a cute little girl.
Background is I don't like sil very much for various reasons. She's quite selfish and has not treated DB well imo. Today, I'm visiting my mum and when arrived, I see that niece has been dropped off by DB before he went to work. While sil is going to have a "day off" (she doesn't work and hasn't had a job for years). My DCs played with her well and we had a nice day overall. But I resented having to looking after someone else's child on my day off. DM was preparing lunch and dinner etc and I ended up having to change niece's nappies and entertained her when my ones slept. We popped out for a walk and as her buggy was too heavy/ difficult to steer for DM so I ended up pushing it, in the heat.
I think I do love my niece but I don't seem to care for her as much as my other niece (DH's sister's dd). I'm not making that much effort to interact with her. What's wrong with me!?

I think maybe your dislike of SiL is disproportionate. I don't see what's wrong with her having a day off from looking after a young child and you only had to push a buggy and change a few nappies. If you resent helping at all with DN you should have brought it up with your mum - she was the one who agreed to look after DN knowing she'd need your help at times.

It is your mums fault that you ended up doing childcare nobody else’s, she had obviously agreed to look after the little one. If you didn’t want to change a nappy tell your mum that.

This isn't very nice OP....

It's your DM's "fault" you were doing more childcare, she was responsible and presumably your DM agreed to have the baby and is capable. Don't blame anyone else for that.

Clearly I am being U. I did say it's not my niece's fault and I'm not mistreating her here! It's a bit like seeing a friend's child. I know and like them but no real bond?
There is a lot more to SIL and if I have some details, a lot of you wouldn't be defending her.
I'm not jealous of any time my DM is having with anyone. We had a nice day but just wondering why I don't feel this bond, like some of you say, she is my blood relation. And strangely, she actually looks just like me.

So you were actually helping your mam, why blame that on the child/parents. If you hadnt been there your mum would have managed to change nappies etc herself and probably wouldnt have gone for a walk. I could actually understand ( not agree with, but understand) if you didnt love an older child, if their personality grated on you but a child still in nappies cant have done anything to deserve your resentment. Maybe start by looking at the positives in both your sil and your niece and then you might stop feeling resentful of the two of them

Omg. You resent a baby who is that young that they are in a buggy and nappies. Maybe your mum wanted to see her grandchild.

Grow the effect up and stop projecting. You don't love her as much as your neice-in-law.

Don't worry, I'm sure resented child will be well aware and not want a relationship with you anyway. Problem solved.

Eff not effect 🙄

It really isn’t anything to do with sil though so body has any need to ‘defend’ her. The reason you did childcare today was nothing to do with her, if you didn’t want to help you should have told your mum. How is that your sil fault?

Firstly it's your mum who let her stay when you were there. Nothing to do with her parents. That's entirely on your mum, it's perfectly normal to ask if grandparents can babysit your child for the day.

Secondly she is at absolute most a toddler if she is still in nappies? How can you dislike a baby? How can you not care for a baby? If you want to feel connected and your not making much effort why don't you make more effort? It's quite bizarre to start a thread about how you don't like a toddler

Op, my brother & sisters have 14 dcs between them. I am very close to those I spent a lot of time with, but there is no obligation to love them all unconditionally. You can’t love someone to order.

You sound completely normal to me

Ouch. Childcare?? You really don’t have feelings for her if you view pushing her pram and changing her nappy as childcare.

This is all about your SIL, that’s clear. What would really worry me, if I were you, is how my dislike of SIL could possibly overtake my love for my brother, to the extent I view doing minor things for his child as “childcare”.

So you had two meals prepared for you and you resented taking care of the baby during that time?

Blimey, next time ask your mum if she can feed you grapes while she's sorting yours and your DC's food.

But what are you expecting to feel? She isn't your child, I like all baby's tbh friends and relations but I don't love any baby (own children included) that I haven't made any effort with

I mean own children excluded not included!

Esmee. i suppose like Grandparents are usually closer to their daughters children.
Aunties are probably closer to their sisters children. I've never really thought of that.

I just can't believe an adult starting a thread about how they like one baby more than another!

I think you’re getting a bit of a hard rap here OP because you jumped in with not loving your niece, a baby, without explaining why.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being put out that your day off that you intended to spend with your mum has been usurped by your brother bringing his child round. What should have been a nice day was kind of soured by having an extra child in the mix - I know you know that this really has nothing to do with the child and everything to do with your brother, his wife and your mum.

Bottom line is, mum could have said no. Brother could have said no. Wife could have chosen another day to ask. She likely didn’t know you and yours would also be there.

What is wrong with you?
Your very obviously projecting your dislike of you sil onto the child.

How was sil meant to know you would even be there? She dropped the child off first for a day with nanny.
Also why dig at her having a day off? If the child is in nappies I can assume she’s either a baby or a toddler and so the women is a SAHm so obviously she doesn’t have a job. Why wouldn’t she be entitled to a day off? No everyone HAS to work while their children are still in nappies and it DOESNT mean they aren’t entitled to a day off. Being at home with kids is hard work too.

Maybe call ahead next time if she’s having a day at nanny’s you can cancel... and avoid having to look after your niece or spend any time with her at all 🙄🙄🙄

This is like reading a post written by a not particularly sharp 9 year old.
Utterly lacking in insight.

I'm with Senior, I don't love my nieces and nephews, my link to them is my brothers (who I don't particularly like). If one of my brothers or sister in laws claimed to love my dc I would think they were lying. I do however love the children of 2 very close friends and those children and mine claim to be cousins (even though they know they're not).

There is a lot more to SIL and if I have some details, a lot of you wouldn't be defending her.

You're sounding worse by the minute.
Does your mum like her DIL?

Hmmmm. Hard work when you have to do it, but not classed as work when the SIL needs a day off from it?

You're projecting your envy and dislike of your sil onto a small child, that's what's wrong with you.

This. Plus most of the other comments.

You dislike your SIL. Fair enough.

You are projecting ALL of that onto a little baby who is your brothers child.

I hate my sister to the point that I feel nauseous when I see her because she is so abusive. I LOVE my niblings (nieces and nephews) because they are not her. They are separate people.

I'd suggest a time out for self reflection - but I get the feeling you can do very little wrong.