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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not loving my niece

193 replies

notthewhiterabbit · 02/08/2018 18:35

Sounds terrible but I don't feel a connection to my niece and it's not her fault at all. She is a cute little girl.
Background is I don't like sil very much for various reasons. She's quite selfish and has not treated DB well imo. Today, I'm visiting my mum and when arrived, I see that niece has been dropped off by DB before he went to work. While sil is going to have a "day off" (she doesn't work and hasn't had a job for years). My DCs played with her well and we had a nice day overall. But I resented having to looking after someone else's child on my day off. DM was preparing lunch and dinner etc and I ended up having to change niece's nappies and entertained her when my ones slept. We popped out for a walk and as her buggy was too heavy/ difficult to steer for DM so I ended up pushing it, in the heat.
I think I do love my niece but I don't seem to care for her as much as my other niece (DH's sister's dd). I'm not making that much effort to interact with her. What's wrong with me!?

OP posts:
daisyinatree · 03/08/2018 17:10

@auditqueen

I really can't understand why some people on this thread can completely fail to understand why the OP was annoyed. Why do we have to love, or even like, all children? Why can't she judge a woman who obviously couldn't be arsed to work even before she had a baby?

Is it because she's a SAHM and therefore next step down from being a saint in some people's eyes?

As @GreatDuckCookery said - what a nasty post! And very demeaning and goady!Hmm

Shame on you.

auditqueen · 03/08/2018 17:17

It wasn't meant to be, but then I've been no more demeaning and goady than people who have demonised the OP!

Caribbeanyesplease · 03/08/2018 17:42

This isn’t a child
This is a baby

WhiteDust · 03/08/2018 17:48

Nasty post audiitqueen. The OP likes her other niece that isn't a blood relative. Maybe her mother goes out to work eh.

Maybe the other mother understands that OP really doesn't want or need another child to look after on her only day off. Maybe, she thinks about others and not just herself.

Redyoyo · 03/08/2018 17:59

I can understand this OP, I feel similar about my sil little girl, although she is dh sisters child. I haven't bonded with her the way i have with my sisters children and i feel quite guilty about it.
I know its purely down to the fact i don't get on well with my sil and have never really had a chance to bond with her.
My friends picked me up every time i refer to her as dh niece and say she's your niece too. Shes 4 and i would love to pick her up for a cuddle like i would with my sisters children but i dont feel comfortable doing this.

daisyinatree · 03/08/2018 18:08

How incredibly sad that someone can't get on with a child because they don't like the mother. Sad

Poor child! Hmm

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 03/08/2018 18:14

Maybe the other mother understands that OP really doesn't want or need another child to look after on her only day off. Maybe, she thinks about others and not just herself.

The Op wasn't looking after the baby, her mother was. The OP watched her for a while and pushed the pram. No big deal. The fact is the OP is resentful of her SIL and that's that.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 03/08/2018 18:16

If a parent doesn't like or get on with their own adult child do they resent or not care for any grandchildren they have to that child?

WhiteDust · 03/08/2018 18:41

The Op wasn't looking after the baby, her mother was. The OP watched her for a while and pushed the pram. No big deal. The fact is the OP is resentful of her SIL and that's that.
The OP was also looking after her niece. The grandmother prepared food several times during the day and OP looked after the baby and changed it's nappy whilst the grandmother was busy. She also pushed the pushchair when they went out. I'd say that's a fair bit of 'looking after.'
I agree that the OP has issues with this child's mother. I would too.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 03/08/2018 18:48

Big deal. Would the OP resent pushing her other niece and minding her while her own mother made a meal? I highly doubt it.

WhiteDust · 03/08/2018 20:00

GreatDuck: Big deal. Would the OP resent pushing her other niece and minding her while her own mother made a meal? I highly doubt it.

How on earth do you know what the OP would do or think in that situation? You're trying your best to make this into a SAHM bashing thread. It seems to suit you to defend the OP's SIL. - because she's a SAHM? Don't let me stop you. Knock yourself out.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 03/08/2018 20:15

What are you talking abou?

MistressDeeCee · 03/08/2018 20:56

I do not get on with my sister at all, we haven't spoken for years. My DCs get on with her tho. & I really get on with her son, my nephew. Me and her not getting on hasn't been 'passed down' to our children. & that's as it should be.

You are being entirely unfair and judgmental OP, that's the explanation. Your niece etc will realise your dislike and keep away from you so problem will resolve itself eventually. Life goes on.

Sil is going to have a "day off" (she doesn't work and hasn't had a job for years

The pettiness 🙄. How dare she have a day to herself because she doesn't work outside the home.

Its likely when you aren't around your mum manages withher niece pretty well. So you aren't essential. As you were there on that day you naturally ended up helping. It's what happens in families. But if you were already feeling resentful you could have left.

You're not obliged to like anybody but judging + disliking a child is unpleasant.

ShumpaLumpa · 03/08/2018 20:59

Why is op getting a hard time for not being thrilled at having to change her niece's shitty nappies?

Would you be giving her a hard time if she were a man posting? Or are women expected to nurture other children apart from their own as well?

ShumpaLumpa · 03/08/2018 21:01

What makes you think OP dislikes or judges her niece, Mistress?

DistanceCall · 03/08/2018 21:51

What makes you think OP dislikes or judges her niece, Mistress?

The fact that the thread is entitled "Not loving my niece"???

Lizzie48 · 03/08/2018 22:42

There's no doubt that I'm much closer to my DSis's DC than to my BIL and SIL's DC. That's because DSis and I are very close and we've done a lot of sleepovers.

What I will never do is resent the other DNs or bitch about them online. I'm just not all that close to them, although that's also because I've never really played a part in looking after them.

BlueSkyBurningBright · 03/08/2018 22:54

I think it is natural to love your own children. It would not occur to me that I would be expected 'love' my siblings kids, nor them to love my kids.

My siblings and I Iive on different continents, so we have only met each others kids a few times, so that may be why.

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