To feel sad that DS16 is spending the entire summer holidays in his pyjamas?

[Crazyladee]

Okay so we're post gcses and he has had a stressful few months but now a few weeks into the exams ending, he has turned into a lazy slob. He doesn't get dressed, just stays in his pyjamas and apart from coming downstairs to get food or do the odd job for me such as unload the dishwasher, he doesn't leave his bed. We've suggested various things for him to do but he's not interested in any hobbies or activities other than Netflix or the Xbox.
The other day he went for a sleepover at a mates house but he caught the bus home late evening as he missed his own bed!
I said to DH what are all his mates doing but we have worked out that they are all hanging out via the Xbox together all in their respective bedrooms!
We can't exactly drag him out of the house or his bedroom but I can't help but feel sad as I have fond memories of the summer I broke up from school doing all sorts and also having a part time summer job and made quite a bit of cash.
Please tell me I'm not alone or do I really have a reclusive lazy slob for a son??

He's probably burnt out. Burnout is a real thing, not just a phrase, and the end result can often be needing to just hide away and rest until you feel better. Obviously things like fresh air and exercise help, but those are hard for teenage boys anyway!

We all need a break sometimes and, depending where you live, it has been extremely hot these past few weeks. I my self have been spending far more time lying on my bed than I usually would from exhaustion! When you hit "adult life" you get very few chances to laze around in your pj's playing xbox! So I would say just let him enjoy it.

My son has a good balance of being out and active and on his xbox in bed generally, but he spent all last week in his room sleeping till lunch time. Its his summer to do what he wants with, if he wants to spend it doing things that require little thought and effort then i don't blame him, i kinda wish i couldnt spend the summer in bed chatting with friends playing games too.

I disagree with the other posters; don’t turn a blind eye. I have a son who was like that at 16 and is now an addictive gamer who didn’t put in the work for his ALevels and more than likely lost his uni place for this reason.

Yes your ds has worked hard and deserves a break but it’s a slippery slope and you have to be very aware. Do you/he have a summer holiday planned to break up the long break?

Give him a bit of time but keep opening windows and curtains. You can get a bit agoraphobic if you are stuck in the house ( health problems etc) so get him to go out a bit before planning something bigger that requires being out all day.

Perhaps your WiFi box could have an ‘accident’ 😉?

OMG that sounds amazing! I remember when I was a teenager and used to waste all summer lying around reading and drawing in my bedroom. It drove my mum nuts.

I spent last Friday to Monday in a hotel by the seaside, and didn't go out at all, except when I caught the train back home. I spent the whole weekend in knickers and a T shirt reading books, watching Netflix, playing games on my iPad, Snapchatting my mates and doodling. I ordered room service. I had 2 baths a day. I came back SO refreshed: definitely doing that again. I'm 51 and hold down two jobs, BTW.

OMG, I have strayed off-topic.

TL;DR: let him do what he wants. This is why they say "youth is wasted on the young".

The sheer bloody luxury of being able to do precisely zip for weeks on end is one that (after he leaves college) he won't be able to enjoy again until retirement.

Is it too late for NCS? My friend is doing a chart for her ds of same age which is essentially paying him to bike, swim and run! My godson is 16 and is working (kids summer camp), rowing( the sport)and watching tv. It's just late to organise stuff now...

Whilst I agree that spending all day every day in your bedroom gaming isn't ideal - don't underestimate just how burnt out he might be feeling. My DS was exactly the same at that age and I just left him to it. We went on a family holiday and he spent a large amount of time just lounging around catching up on sleep and glued to his portable games! He said at the time that he just really, really needed a good long "down time" after the pressure leading up to GCSEs and appreciated the change to sleep for hours, stay up late, do nothing!

Encourage him to leave the house though even if just for some shopping trips. Are you going away anywhere over the summer?

It doesn't improve OP. My 22 year old is at the tail end of his MA and came home for a week recently. He slept for the first couple of days at home and didn't get dressed either. It's par for the course, post GCSEs, A -Levels and during university as well.

I have been known, when I'd decided he'd had festered for long enough, to use a very cold and damp flannel to get him out of bed. It works.

plan a weekend away with him, where would he like to go, whats the budget.....

Kick him out of the house from 9-5 and force him to find something active to do. Volunteering in a charity shop would be ideal.

He's a cocklodger in the making.

And the award for biggest over reaction goes to @HolyPieter

We've been finished school for over 8 weeks now. Our school year is condensed and intense and we are up and out of the house for 6am most days. I worked solidly without a break from January till May. This summer we couldn't travel back to the UK as I lost my passport and we've just lazed around. We've been out and about (it's too got to play out or sit out - we are in Kuwait and it's pushing 50c most days) but a lot of the time we've just pottered in the house. The kids have needed it - granted mine are younger but we all need a rest from time to time.

I was like this after GSCEs. No xboxes or mobiles then, but I lazed about, read Cosmo, watched repeats of Knots Landing (!) and talked to friends on the 'phone. It was a brilliant summer.

I went to parties but not loads. Went to the beach a few times. Played a couple of games of tennis. I wasn't a total recluse but it sounds as if your son isn't either given that he went to someone's house.

He obviously needs to be doing his share of the housework, but other than insisting on that, I'd leave him be.

diddums needs to do a little more than eat and unload the dishwasher. Won't kill him to pull his weight round the house.

stop the hotel service and see what happens then.

Feel free to ignore as my DC are a lot younger but could you give him little errands to run, maybe pick something up from a shop or help out in the garden. Spend a few hours with extended family? Ok not riveting but would mean a bit of time out doors.

I finished my GCSE's in the summer of 1999 and was out all the time with friends. Didn't have internet then though so staying at home would've got boring quickly.

DS2 is 16, post GCSEs and doing a mix of slobbing about in his pyjamas, gaming and spending days on the playing fields playing footy with his mates.
He is also job hunting.

Same here. My DS, nearly 13, has 8 and a half weeks off school. We have been away for a week and he has had 2 days out with friends but apart from this he has spent the whole time in his room on his phone watching videos. He doesn't have a gaming station so can't do that but does do a lot of coding. He says he is fine and happy but I am worried about him too. He had a brilliant year at school and did really well academically. He looked worn out by the time they broke up and I remember at the time telling him he needed to rest and relax.

What to do? We have been away and are going away again so only have about 10 days to fill with something to do.

We gave dd a week or so of lounging round (she didn't actually finish school until 3 weeks after GCSE's ended due to having to take part in her school dance show) then set some ground rules.

Everyone has to be showered and fully dressed by 10am. There are certain basic household tasks we all help with. In actual fact she has been getting a lift with me to the gym each day (I drive past it). Her younger brother has been a bit harder work but the xbox and computer is downstairs and as dh is home too at the moment screen time has to be fairly shared out. Dd did have a bit of an issue slobbing in her room watching drag race on her phone all day every day at first but we changed the subscription so it can only be used on the actual TV.

Try a multivitamin and mineral supplement for him, at least that way he'll be healthier than if he's just hibernating in his room.

We got back a week ago from 11 nights all inclusive in Turkey. It was full on eating and drinking and partying for us and him! ( excellent entertainment for the teenagers in the hotel) Before the holiday we said once we get back from holiday things will change..and we will impose some boundaries. He made noises about joining a gym but now he says he doesn't want to. We had a chat the other day and he says it's my summer holiday leave me alone.
I'm not kicking him out and he's not a cocklodger in the making!

Kick him out of the house from 9-5 and force him to find something active to do. Volunteering in a charity shop would be ideal. He's a cocklodger in the making

Ridiculous and completely laughable.

Make him get dressed for meal times. I wouldn't put up with this. 16 is old enough to get his act together and be helping around the house, housework, cooking etc. Pyjamas are for bedtime or if you're ill.

As long as it doesn't continue post summer holidays and you aren't concerned there is an underlying reason e.g. a fallout with friends- then seems harmless enough and like he needs a rest.