To feel sad that DS16 is spending the entire summer holidays in his pyjamas?

[Crazyladee]

Okay so we're post gcses and he has had a stressful few months but now a few weeks into the exams ending, he has turned into a lazy slob. He doesn't get dressed, just stays in his pyjamas and apart from coming downstairs to get food or do the odd job for me such as unload the dishwasher, he doesn't leave his bed. We've suggested various things for him to do but he's not interested in any hobbies or activities other than Netflix or the Xbox.
The other day he went for a sleepover at a mates house but he caught the bus home late evening as he missed his own bed!
I said to DH what are all his mates doing but we have worked out that they are all hanging out via the Xbox together all in their respective bedrooms!
We can't exactly drag him out of the house or his bedroom but I can't help but feel sad as I have fond memories of the summer I broke up from school doing all sorts and also having a part time summer job and made quite a bit of cash.
Please tell me I'm not alone or do I really have a reclusive lazy slob for a son??

Saying that it's not a good thing not to leave your pyjamas or your bedroom or show an interest in anything not on screen for weeks on end is not making 'a diagnosis'. With respect.

Saying that it's not a good thing not to leave your pyjamas or your bedroom or show an interest in anything not on screen for weeks on end is not making 'a diagnosis'. With respect

Throwing around terms like “depression” or “addiction” is a heavy implication.

One thing that's interesting is if this was an adult being described most posters would see this as classic depression. There was a post almost identical to this recently with an adult who rarely left her bedroom

Well that rather depends on the situation. A finite period like the OP’s son as a recharging period? Wouldn’t be concerning in itself.

nostaples because it's the summer holidays. He has just finished exams. He wasn't in bed all day in pyjamas staple-gunned to a screen for the last year. Like I said, if this interferes in life when he's back up against the grindstone, then worry.

Exams finished mid June. How can anyone know this period is 'finite' since it's not over?

I've had two really bad bouts of depression- one as a student, very isolated lots of free time - the second as a a horrendously busy single parent newly-qualified teacher. The point is depression is not linked to laziness (if you're going to insist on moral labels) Genes, brain chemistry and circumstances play a part.

I would expect a set list of jobs done in the house. That's only fair. He is part of the household, he should pull his weight a bit. Otherwise, acknowledging that he is nearly an adult, I would let Home get on with it. I hate bloody screens but if he is socialising, albeit virtually, then he is not isolated.

I am not a fan of the jolly hockey sticks, can't-waste-a-moment school of thought. Such people are often driven by anxiety, not enjoyment and constant activity allows no space for reflection or just being.

Mind you, I've just lazed for 2 days as DCs are away. It's been bliss. Cooked, eaten, read, napped, TV (did some washing and a spot of gardening). DCs back at 9am so I will be back on duty soon enough

Have to agree with nostaples here, yes it's normal for a teen to lounge about and not go out but this seems to be more than that, he sounds like he has no interest in anything other than gaming and is actually not socialising at all ( I don't believe talking online about a game to be socialising), it also sounds like this is abnormal behaviour for him because OP is upset about it. It could just be that he needs a rest but if it were me I'd be trying to have a conversation to find out if it was anything more than that. He could very well be struggling enormously to deal with anything other than sleeping and gaming. Boys don't talk enough and it should be encouraged not looked down on. I really do hope it is just normal teenage behaviour but it seems more than that to me.

6 weeks in pyjamas not leaving a bedroom with no interest in doing anything else would be taken seriously by s GP.

How can anyone know this period is 'finite' since it's not over?

Well given the OP said “summer holidays” it’s reasonable to assume that will end when summer does.

At THAT point if the OP’s son doesn’t return to school/college/employment then might be cause for concern.

Right bowing out now. Off to play in the garden with my teens! Enjoy your evening all!

nostaples with no other defining symptoms, it would definitely not be taken seriously by a GP. It would be considered as teenage boy summer fatigue.

And finite means there's an end point. Summer holidays have an end point so it's finite.

I don't know how old your teenagers are but I truly can't imagine 'playing in the garden' with my 16-year-old dd who has had a lovely chilled day, listening to music, chatting to friends on Skype and drawing. In her room.

I don't believe talking online about a game to be socialising)

Why not? Is talking in real life about a game socialising? What about talking on the phone? Or is talking online about a holiday acceptable? Why is talking online via headsets less sociable than sitting talking in the same room and watching TV?

I

Screen time is ruining lives! We all need a duvet day now and then but there’s a heatwave going on and he’s old enough to get a summer job. What happened to saving for a first lads holiday away or money for driving lessons? There’s not much you can do but I feel sorry he’s missing out! At least he comes down to help every now and then....maybe get him to wash the car, hoover, cut the grass? A little task each day to get him up and out?

Adaline - I think that it's a sign of him being reclusive. if it's accompanied by face to face socialising that's different but it's all he's doing. Face to face socialisation is very different and requires a lot more energy, perhaps why he's resorting to online only, I don't look down on it ( I do it a lot) I just think it's a little worrying along with his other behaviour