To feel sad that DS16 is spending the entire summer holidays in his pyjamas?

[Crazyladee]

Okay so we're post gcses and he has had a stressful few months but now a few weeks into the exams ending, he has turned into a lazy slob. He doesn't get dressed, just stays in his pyjamas and apart from coming downstairs to get food or do the odd job for me such as unload the dishwasher, he doesn't leave his bed. We've suggested various things for him to do but he's not interested in any hobbies or activities other than Netflix or the Xbox.
The other day he went for a sleepover at a mates house but he caught the bus home late evening as he missed his own bed!
I said to DH what are all his mates doing but we have worked out that they are all hanging out via the Xbox together all in their respective bedrooms!
We can't exactly drag him out of the house or his bedroom but I can't help but feel sad as I have fond memories of the summer I broke up from school doing all sorts and also having a part time summer job and made quite a bit of cash.
Please tell me I'm not alone or do I really have a reclusive lazy slob for a son??

Sparkling

I'm not saying I advocate this but one young woman, just done her A levels, so is 18 has worked at night throughout her A levels.
She has saved a lot for uni as even did overtime during the holidays so almost ft on £7.90 ph for some of the time.
I said "I bet your parents are proud of you, I know I would be"
She smiled and said "I dunno, they haven't said" I work because they can't afford to pay for uni, or the odd night out with friends.

At 16 post GCSEs I spent the entire summer reading/pottering in the garden and sleeping.

I’m a fully functioning member of society.

I do however understand totally the important of rest. When DD was away with her dad for a week I set aside two days and did nothing. One I didn’t even get dressed

I feel a million dollars!

Jacques, I did that too. I remember reading Great Expectations as well as a Tale of Two Cities and the Scarlet pimpernel (obsessed with French history at the time!). So wasn’t all trashy novels . I’ve never had the time again to read like I did then.

I also watched every Wimbledon match, and sunbathed listening to the music of the time. Beautiful South’s “Song for Whoever” always takes me back to my school years and post-GCSE rest.

OP my DS was just like yours. It didn't change with age. Same story at AS levels then A levels. Disaster in the long run. He was perfectly capable of being sociable but now says he hates it; he's lost confidence,lacks life experience, and has few real friends (all in line). He is living vicariously thro a screen. It makes me very sad and I wish we had been firmer.

Good luck

He’s worked hard. Let him enjoy the summer holidays! If he likes gaming then let him carry on! As others have said, once he’s at work/uni he won’t have the chance to just laze about for weeks on end again.

Btw- do u really want a 16 year old boy out on the streets with his friends?? Really? Because that’s more likely to lead to trouble than the gaming. Bored teenagers left to their own devices... not a good recipe. Times have moved on. I’d be grateful he’s content with staying at home and playing on his PS4.

While I certainly wouldn’t advocate staying inside all summer, and think a part time summer job would be good, I’m not convinced that one needs to work 7 days a week for 6 years to get a job after uni.

I don’t think admin jobs in banks as a 16 year old are easy to come by, and I don’t really see the point in martyrdom at the alter of capitalism to the point of having no free time. I did my GCSEs a decade ago and admin jobs weren’t two a penny then; in fact I know no one who had one.

I did a bit of part time waitressing in the uni holidays and also “walked” into a well paid job. This, as with any other single example proves very little- the plural of anecdote is not data.

Ds 16 is a bit like this too. Spends most of the day sleeping, playing his Xbox or playing his Bass. However he does have to go visit his grandma and do some chores for her, and is about to have an 11 night run at the Edinburgh Fringe which will challenge him and keep him on his toes.
I wish he was more active but equally he's not out causing bother or asking for loads of money so I'm not too worried.

@Curlyhairedassassin I'm not saying that the OPs son needs a job in a bank. I'm saying that he needs to be proactive in looking for ways to spend his summer holiday! I started job hunting as soon as I received my National Insurance number. It took me three months of applications,during GCSEs, to get that job.
Yes, we have had a recession but the world did not stop turning! There are opportunities out there for those that choose to seek them.

@Etymology23 I'm not a martyr- I'm merely proving a point that as with anything in life, if you work hard, you will reap the rewards. Lots of people on here seem to think that their kids can sit on their backsides and everything will be handed to them. Then they wonder why their kids are sitting at home in their pyjamas for weeks on end!

On a side note, I experienced periods of deep depression between the ages of 17&20 (lots of illness/death in the family), and having that purpose to get up and go to work/study/be busy, quite possibly saved me. I mention this because I noticed a few other posters suggesting that teenage boys of a certain age are susceptible to mental health issues. The onus is on us, the parents, to do what we can to support our children, so please don't let them languish in their bedrooms for weeks on end. Encourage them, support them, instil a healthy work ethic in them from an early age so that they are able to succeed in the rat race of life.

I'm saying that he needs to be proactive in looking for ways to spend his summer holiday

Why? A relaxing summer post GCSE isn’t going to equal wastrel who doesn’t amount to anything.

I’m surprised that they don’t want to hang out with friends/boyfriends. I remember (vaguely) the summer after my GCSE’s- I had a part time job and spent the rest of the time hanging out shagging my boyfriend in various fields/barns/gardens, or cycling to see friends, going to town, cinema etc. Still relaxing but I wouldn’t have wanted to be stuck in all the time.

@Scarletrose28 - when my DS gets to that age I think I’d prefer him to be out and about socialising rather than stuck in on his own gaming. It’s not healthy or normal.
OP - I’m sure it’s ok for him to do this for a short time to unwind but I don’t think I’d be happy for him to do it for the whole summer.

I would say, your right it’s your summer so laze about and make the most of it and after summer we will discuss a better balance of time being spent out as well as in.

Glad to see I'm not alone!

To answer a couple of questions, he is socialising with his friends, but via the Internet! He occasionally catches the bus and goes off to see his mates but when he gets there, he is just sat in their bedrooms as oppose to his!

He showers and brushes his teeth every night so his hygiene isn't really a problem.

As well as unload the dishwasher he does a couple of other jobs around the house as and when required. If I leave him a list he will do it but if I don't he won't think that the dishwasher needs unloading and reloading with dirty pots etc. He will reluctantly take the dog for a walk poor dog comes back full of energy with an expression of "is that it?"

He has half heartedly applied for a couple of summer jobs but not heard anything. You have to be quick around here and I think he left it too late.

Yes he will be off to college in September (with the usual 6am get ups) fingers crossed he has got the necessary grades required.

On rainy days it doesn't seem to matter as much to me, but especially with the gorgeous weather it's hard to take a step back as I just feel he is wasting his summer.

Whoops name change fail!

Canshop- where is there for 16 year olds to go really? Gaming isn’t a solo activity - they often do it online and talk to friends via headsets. I’d rather they be safe at home than out in a group down park where temptation at that age is to drink etc.

God though can you imagine looking back on your teens and going “yeah, great times in my room, alone, staring at a screen for days on end”

Nowt wrong with a few shandies in the park on a sunny day, or some flirting and hook ups, parties, having a laugh DOING stuff and living.

My 16 year old daughter is exactly the same! She was recently tested for autism, and her 'cave' is her comfort zone. She too could sleep for Scotland. I feel bad that she doesn't have more friends and more going on, but she's not one for joining clubs, etc. And she has had a couple of wee holidays away.
Next year, when she has finished 6th form, she will have to find a summer job. Fortunately she's happy with this, as she loves having money in her pocket
Your son sounds totally normal to me

Nowt wrong with a few shandies in the park on a sunny day, or some flirting and hook ups, parties, having a laugh DOING stuff and living

And nothing wrong with not doing that either

Turn off the WiFi (take the box with you when you go out if you need to) and make him get up. He’s living in your house. You have a say

I just hadn’t realised how boring teens lives were these days.

I just hadn’t realised how boring teens lives were these days

I was 16 in 1998 I had no interest in hanging around parks or drinking shandies!

Enjoying different things isn’t boring.

My ds 14 is exact same

Kick him out of the house from 9-5 and force him to find something active to do. Volunteering in a charity shop would be ideal.

He's a cocklodger in the making.*

What an absolutely stupid reaction and comment. If he’s finished GCSE’s then gone on a “partying” holiday as you’ve described he’s probably physically and mentally burnt out. Give him a break and let him just slob/relax. Sometimes it’s just what we need.

And as for the poster who says everyone in the house has to be up and fully showered by 10am. Talk about controlling, glad I don’t live in your house.

Maybe its because we have in the past worked from home a lot and dh still often has private students come to visit so its not approriate for people to be wandering around half dressed. The bathroom is at the top of the open stairs that go off from our living room so visible to anyone waiting in our living room.

Would you really want your pre-teen/teen daughter sitting waiting for a lesson and a half dressed/unwashed teen wandering past to the bathroom/down to the kitchen to get a drink?