Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we being unreasonable re: baby names or are they?

324 replies

HelpMeOutHereASecond · 01/08/2018 02:17

I'm pregnant, almost 6 months now. We don't know the sex and not through lack of trying. My husband's brothers on/off girlfriend is also pregnant, due a boy imminently.

Since forever, husband has always wanted to name a future son [X name] after his grandfather. Our hypothetical son has always (for years) been going to be called [X name] [Y name], after both of our grandfathers.

When we found out that BiL was expecting a baby (not himself, obviously) we had a word (she was literally 6 weeks pregnant, it's been clear right from the start) and made it clear that we were trying and that this was and had always been our plan regarding naming a boy. We also told them the name we would choose for a girl too. We haven't deviated from these names from the start. Our baby will be either, or, depending on the sex.

Tonight husband gets a text from his brother to say the on/off girlfriend (part of me suspects that it's actually him - they've been very quiet on discussing name ideas for a long time now) really wants to use [X name]. We cannot swap the names around either - they already have a son called [Y name].

We're not wrong to be angry/upset/pissed off/all of the above, right?

OP posts:
TheDropBear · 01/08/2018 02:26

Sorry but you're being unreasonable, it's your BILs grandfather too so he has the same reason to use the name that your husband does. Equal reasons and his baby is due first and definitely a boy whereas you and your husband might end up having all girls and not get to use the name anyway.

BettyDuMonde · 01/08/2018 02:29

I can understand why you are upset but ultimately It is BIL’s grandad’s name too.

My sister and I both have sons with our grandad’s name as their middle name - my son is 6 years older but I didn’t feel I had the right to object, and now my son is 18 I kinda like him having a shared named with his cousin.

If your baby does turn out to be a boy you could still use your first choice name officially but use a diminutive as an almost-always-used nickname?

Prince Harry is officially named Henry - no reason us non royals can’t do similar?

Alternatively, just use the name anyway - George Foreman named all 7 of his sons ‘George’ - they don’t even have different middle names (they are all ‘George Edward’)

Apileofballyhoo · 01/08/2018 02:32

I'd just use the name you want anyway. DH has a cousin with the same name as him. My DM has 2 cousins with the same name as her (same surname also).

Do you live nearby and would they be at school together etc?

Apileofballyhoo · 01/08/2018 02:36

Just realised DM had a more distant cousin with the same name also who eat in school with her, so DM was known as her first and second name e.g. they were both Jane Johnson but DM was known as Jane-Anne Johnson.

Apileofballyhoo · 01/08/2018 02:37

Nobody ate anyone else, despite my weird post.

Original poster
HelpMeOutHereASecond · 01/08/2018 02:39

Live nearby (same small town) and very close family, so it's not like they'd even only be together at Christmas. They're likely to be at the same school and in the same year as well, they're due 2 months apart, so both using the same name would be weird.

They have never mentioned or discussed using this name at all until now and we're fine when we told them our plan and they've not mentioned it since. We've not kept it a secret and have been openly referring to our baby as "little boy name/girl name".

OP posts:
Original poster
HelpMeOutHereASecond · 01/08/2018 02:41

Were, not we're

OP posts:
Original poster
HelpMeOutHereASecond · 01/08/2018 02:46

And 2 separate sonographers have said likely boy but cannot be 100%. We have a final attempt at the anomaly scan next week.

OP posts:
steff13 · 01/08/2018 02:48

They're not unreasonable to want to use the name.

BitOfFun · 01/08/2018 02:48

I think you have to suck it up, in the circumstances, as your baby will be born later. You might as well resign yourself to it now, as you can't change their plans.

Call your baby WXY and have fun with deciding the W.

SleepWarrior · 01/08/2018 02:59

It's irritating for sure but not much you can do and they're not exactly in the wrong. Nor are you though.

Maybe a reply to the text saying "Totally understand you wanting to use the name, he was your grandfather too after all. We've been dead set on this for years though, so do be aware we won't be changing our minds even if you do go for it. Looks like there might be two little Xs running about!"

I wouldn't worry, it won't be that weird after the first 5 mins. Everyone will find an easy way of differentiating and it'll get forgotten for forevermore.

Soulstirring · 01/08/2018 03:00

What a shame and how bloody annoying. I do think as you have made it clear they should have chosen another name although obviously you have no ‘right’ to a name, especially with it being familial. I’d be straight for another gender scanif you can without telling anyone for your own peace of mind. There is no point getting worked up if it’s a girl.

To be honest for the time being I’d text back and say that’s what you’re calling your son end of and if called on it stick to the fact that two scans already highly suggested boy so that’s what your working to. And see what they do when their son is born...you have a little time OP.

Original poster
HelpMeOutHereASecond · 01/08/2018 03:03

@SleepWarrior that's the conversation that I'll be having tomorrow essentially. What's upset me most is how upset my husband is about the whole thing. He and his brother are very close which is why this has come as a bit of a shock as if they'd been contemplating this for a while (as anyone does with a name, especially one your sibling has had earmarked for a while), I'd have expected there to have been some sort of discussion.

OP posts:
SailingDay · 01/08/2018 03:04

Totally understand you wanting to use the name, he was your grandfather too after all. We've been dead set on this for years though, so do be aware we won't be changing our minds even if you do go for it. Looks like there might be two little Xs running about!"

^^ just send this.

BitOfFun · 01/08/2018 03:08

Hmm, I've had a rethink since seeing SleepWarrior's post. Perhaps it IS best to call their bluff like that, in a cheery but determined way, then see if they back down at the birth. Be prepared though that they may not, and be patient. If it turns out they swoop in on that name after all, make sure you have a Plan B that you both love.

Original poster
HelpMeOutHereASecond · 01/08/2018 03:15

@BitOfFun I think if ours is a boy we would go with it anyway. It's the identity that we have given our male child for a long time already, I think it would be hard to change that at this stage. SiL has a son and she went with her then partners choice of name for him and has always, not so much regretted it, but says it doesn't feel right.

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 01/08/2018 03:19

Sorry massively unreasonable. You don't get dibs on a name, can't believe u 'had a word' when she was only 6 weeks and it's bul grandfather too

TheDowagerCuntess · 01/08/2018 03:20

Exactly as SleepWarrior says, just confirm to them that you'll still be using the name as originally planned, understand they want to use it too, so looks like they'll both have the same name.

And then deal with the double-up if names if and when it actually happens.

coffeeandrainbows · 01/08/2018 03:23

How soon is SIL due? Could it be before sept 1 and then you’re due after so boys will be in different years at school (with likely different friendship groups) so only really the same within the family? That wouldn’t be too bad, especially if you’re very clear that you will also be using the name no matter what and leave it up to them.

It is annoying though and YANBU to be upset.

mathanxiety · 01/08/2018 03:23

On again off again girlfriend - how likely are they to stay together?

That aside, I think SleepWarrior is right. This is how you have seen your potential baby boy for such a long time, so I would do it. It's possible that either baby might develop a nickname that could easily distinguish one from the other but no problem if not.

Having two with the same name wouldn't be a disaster. I am one of a pair of cousins with the same name and in my extended family there are others.

Original poster
HelpMeOutHereASecond · 01/08/2018 03:29

@Allthewaves "had a word" = we had a discussion over Sunday dinner Hmm

@coffeeandrainbows they're mid September and we're November

@mathanxiety honestly? Probably unlikely. They've been together

18 months-2 years and have split and got back together 4 times, the majority being recently.

OP posts:
TheDowagerCuntess · 01/08/2018 03:30

Just use the name. They don't have dibs on it any more than you do.

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 01/08/2018 03:30

I would be annoyed so YANBU, but you'll just have to either a) resign yourself to the kids sharing a name, b) beg them not to use it or c) choose a different name and have done with it. Has your husband replied?

Original poster
HelpMeOutHereASecond · 01/08/2018 03:32

Not sure if he's replied, I was asleep when BiL text him, he told me when I woke up and he's now asleep himself. Will discuss it with him properly in the morning.

OP posts:
TiffanyAtBreakfast · 01/08/2018 03:33

Ah ok. I feel for you though, I'd be very grumpy about this!

Swipe left for the next trending thread