Are we being unreasonable re: baby names or are they?

[HelpMeOutHereASecond]

I'm pregnant, almost 6 months now. We don't know the sex and not through lack of trying. My husband's brothers on/off girlfriend is also pregnant, due a boy imminently.

Since forever, husband has always wanted to name a future son [X name] after his grandfather. Our hypothetical son has always (for years) been going to be called [X name] [Y name], after both of our grandfathers.

When we found out that BiL was expecting a baby (not himself, obviously) we had a word (she was literally 6 weeks pregnant, it's been clear right from the start) and made it clear that we were trying and that this was and had always been our plan regarding naming a boy. We also told them the name we would choose for a girl too. We haven't deviated from these names from the start. Our baby will be either, or, depending on the sex.

Tonight husband gets a text from his brother to say the on/off girlfriend (part of me suspects that it's actually him - they've been very quiet on discussing name ideas for a long time now) really wants to use [X name]. We cannot swap the names around either - they already have a son called [Y name].

We're not wrong to be angry/upset/pissed off/all of the above, right?

“Trying to publicly bagsie a name is just ridiculous”

So is living in your brother’s house for 9 months and casually texting him one day that by the way, we’re naming our kid the same name you’ve told us you’re going to name yours. And as ours will be born first, we get “dibs”

Worse than a bagsie.

Decide not to be pissed off. Hope for a girl. Make your position clear and stick with it
My dbro and our cousin have the same name. Not an issue.

If you're nearly 6 months pregnant, how come you're only just having the anomaly scan?

you had a word when she was 6 weeks pregnant? Get over yourself. Who knows what plans they had!

Feeling miffed about this is understandable if you are that way inclined, although I would quite like it. If you have good relationships with BIL and his GF, would it be worth jeopardising them? Rise above it, say nothing. YANBU for being fed up about the issue but you would be U if you made a “thing” of it. Congratulations by the way!

@mikado1 they told us at 6 weeks over a family dinner and we all had a discussion about names. Husband has always been adamant (when other nieces/nephews have been born etc.) that this is the name he'd choose so it's hardly new or a secret. We told them privately that we were trying (had to be very carefully planned due to risks with my own health) and I fell pregnant straight away.

The middle name that we will use (my grandfather's name) is the name of the other child and also very similar to my husband's name (to the point where people wrongly assume that it is his name) which is why he's not keen to use it as a first name.

Use the name.that you and dh planned, and start telling everyone now "we have decided to call our baby boy X when he is born after dh grandfather and my grandfather" then when db gf had her baby with the same name it will look like they stole your name

But do use the name you want to use..I went to school.with a girl who had a cousin with the exact same first me and surname and it wasn't a problem...and your baby won't have been the same surname as your brothers surname and husbands surname will be different...e.g John Jones, John smith, Tim cooper Tim cotton

So you see it won't matter if they even go to the same school., Because it won't be identical names...

So.use the name.you always planned to use

Op go ahead and name your child the name you planned and wanted. Forget about what they name their child. If there’s 2 of them, so be it. Not your fault and not a problem. Any raised eyebrows by other family members, you can just say “oh we decided on name years ago and did tell them in advance but hey what can you do”

There are 2 boys in the same year at our school with exact same name (both names!). They aren’t even related.

Just use the same name. There are same name cousins in my family - it’s not an issue.

My sister and brother both named their sons James, after my father. Nobody batted an eyelid, or thought that either party owned the name.

Name your child whatever you want, and allow your BiL to name his child what he wants. It won't matter in the long run.

@pasanda repeated failed attempts! First attempt was at 20 weeks and they keep being unable to visualise important bits (heart, head, brain etc) hence multiple attempts

Yabu. They can name their child whatever they like as can you. You don't own that name. In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter?

And as ours will be born first, we get “dibs”

I have obviously missed the bit where the bil tried to ban the op and her Dp from using it too. I can't see that anywhere.

Maybe they feel equally annoyed you're using Y name, their existing son's name as the middle name? If having the same name at school is likely to be a problem, Y name X name is probably your best compromise if you're set on using those names.

This is risk people run when bagsieing a name in public. You tell people "this is name we will be calling our future child, please don't use it because we want it", you've then put the name out there and people think hmmm, that's actually a really nice name....now I can't get it out of my head. Annoying, but it's what can happen. YABU.

HelpMeOutHereASecond I expect this baby being your only one will add to the upset, but really it isn’t a big deal. 18 summers on and the boys will be making their way into the big wide world. Lots of cultures have naming traditions meaning cousins have the same name. You can’t change it but you can change how you think about it. Really not a big deal now you’ve told them you will still be using the name.

@Anxious2niteaaah surnames will be the same. It's my husband's brother, not mine, and I took my husband's surname at marriage (as someone who grew up in a family with a totally different surname to parents and siblings after being given an estranged father's surname)

NEVER EVER tell anyone the name you want to call your DC. When my SIL2 was pregnant with a boy I asked her what names she was considering. She said she didn't know. I said, if and when I have a boy I really want to call him £$%^&&. I distinctly remember her reaction which was "oh, I like that". A few months later, out he pops and he was called this. It was quite an unusual name, so not one that is quite common.

On the other hand when I was pregnant my other SIL (single, no DC) told me that I wasn't allowed to use the names Oliver or Thomas because when she got married and had DC this was what she was calling them. At the time this really pissed me off because these names were quite popular and sort of massively narrowed my options. I wouldn't have chosen them, but reserving these names for her imaginary DC annoyed me.

Best to keep it to yourself. I told my DF what I wanted to call my DS and he didn't like it as he knows someone horrible called this. I did it all the same but it upset me.

Always offer it up as a done deal. As a fait de complis. Sorry, that is what it is, it is on the birth certificate.

I wouldn't give it another thought. Two of my GS's have the same name. No problem.In the family we call them Big X and Little X.

You don't own a name - why would it matter at all?

You can't reserve a name. Anyway, the children might not mind? I have a first cousin with the same name as me - we always liked it!

@TypicallyNorthern as far as we're concerned it is. It's the level of my husband's upset that has upset me most I think. He's wanted children for years (we've been together 10 and he's wanted children for at least the last 5 of those) but he/we have had to patiently wait due to my health and this is very likely our only shot at it because of this.

Add in the fact his brother has lived with us virtually rent free for 12 months, we have rooms we cannot use because they're full of his stuff, I think he just feels a bit betrayed that it's suddenly come out

You told them when she wa 6wks pregnant that they couldn't use a certain name as you wanted it for a boy if you ever had one.

That is the most ridiculous, arrogant thing I have ever read.

And tbh it would make me feel like using the name.

@diddl at no point did we say they couldnt use the names. We told them at 6 weeks that we were also trying. There was a discussion over dinner that we would use X and Y names for a boy and a girl when our time came.

Our time came 2 weeks later as it happens...