To think a grandparent shouldn’t offer to take one child out for the day but not the other

[Norma27]

I’m prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable, but this keeps happening and really annoys me.

My mil is looking after sils children tomorrow. She has phoned my oldest one and asked if she can go out with them too. Totally ignoring the fact my 4 yr old would be devastated. This has happened a few times including asking oldest to go for a sleepover without youngest too.

Sil also does this. Invites oldest over but not younger one. She wouldn’t dream of doing this to her own siblings children though.

The 4 yr old is admittedly harder work but please occasionally try to include her too. She is very well behaved but talks and sings non stop!

I do not expect mil to provide childcare ever, so this is not about me thinking she should do it for me because she does it for her other dil and son. Rather to stop excluding one child who would be devastated if she knew big sis was off having fun with cousins and grandma without her.

Again I would like to point out that I do not expect mine to have the same experiences as each other. They both do age appropriate activities.

However, as family is apparently so important to my in laws (cousins are more important than friends - I never hear of them meeting up with friends) I would expect that they would like to spend some time with the little one too and not completely exclude her.
I have never excluded their youngest, even when it hadn’t been particularly ideal for me or what I would want to do.

I understand why this upsets you, OP. I've seen how it can work very well with cousins of different ages. DH and I have 9 nephews and nieces, aged between 3 and 21. The older ones do a lovely job of looking out for the younger ones and no one is excluded.

But then, we have 2 Grandmas who are in their late 70s so they don't do trips out without DH or me around.

mrsm I completely agree that mil shouldn’t be expected to take all kids all at once. Of course children have different needs and abilities at different ages. I do feel that it is unfair that mil makes no effort on any occasion to spend time with youngest dgc. If she made even the slightest attempt, the op wouldn’t be so upset by the situation.

My mum and dad have 6 grandchildren- if 1 goes they all have the option to go.

No one is ever favoured or left out.

Honestly if there is 5 ice lollies and 6 kids no one gets one. It’s fare or nothing.

When I have them ( I’m childless 29) yes it would be easier to have the oldest both 14 but if they all want to stay it’s all 6 staying

Yanbu