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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Charity Donations - I may have BU

292 replies

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 30/07/2018 14:13

Just done a bit of a clear out - the first of a number needing done in this house over the next few weeks.
Today it was coats and toys from the garage. I always separate into "sellable" and "rags" and send anything unsellable to fabric recycling.

So - 6 black bags into the car.

Went to my charity shop of choice (shop A) - my friend volunteers there - bum, I forgot its closed on a Monday - however I'm out now, need to not carry these things in the car for weeks - I'm in a fairly big town/city - we have a goodly choice of charity shop, even if most in the city centre aren't easy to park at.

Anyway - I find another - Shop B. Pull up outside, road is wide enough to not obstruct the traffic but I'm not "parked" - Grab a couple of bags, take them in, head back to the car for a couple more - I can then hear the front of shop assistant say to someone "Are we taking donations - she's just dumping things"....I take in 2 more bags to be met with the manager from the back office "We aren't actually taking things I mean, I can take this lot but no more - we don't have many volunteers you know, and the charity shop down the road has closed so everyone dumps everything on us".....

I was a bit perturbed - I did say something along the lines of "Sorry, I was just doing my best trying to help...." and left - in a bit of a daze as to the conversation I had just had.

Round the corner to shop C (more main road so I really hate stopping outside but again - its a wide road so I'm not actually obstructing anyone. Popped in, asked "Are you accepting donations?" - the assistant replied Yes - thank you so much, we LOVE donations and we are happy to accept them"....

So I gave her my last 2 bags and explained another shop had really not been very gracious about accepting things.

Now - this may be where I get unreasonable - I was still so upset at Shop B that I went back, stopped the car, and went back in. I said (politely, honest) "Hi, I dropped some bags off about 10 minutes ago but I got the feeling that you weren't happy to accept the donations - I have found another shop that is happy, so if I can have my 4 bags back, I'll take them round there".

Front of shop went to get the manager. She came out of the office "We are happy to take your donations - but there are only 2 of us."

I replied "To be honest, I felt that you accepted my donations really ungratefully - these are items that my children wore and used - I really would rather they went somewhere that my donations weren't seen as a burden"

Manager "Well we are happy to take them".

Me "Well, I haven't been led to believe you are happy to take them, and I feel really upset by the way my donations have been grudgingly accepted. So Can I take them back - I'll relieve you of them and I'll take them to somewhere that has said they would be thrilled."

Manager "We are always happy to take them"

Me - "well, that's not how I've been made to feel - maybe make yourself a cup of tea as I can see you are not happy today but please have a think about how you have made me feel".

Manager - "I don't have 5 minutes for a cup of tea"....

I left, with my bags, took them to shop C who were absolutely thrilled.

I am incredibly non confrontational. I am very shy and quiet but also very generous and have a background in charity volunteering and in customer service.

(I also hit my head really badly just before I went out with something I was taking to the tip and I'm wondering if I've done my head some damage).

For background - 1 of the charity shops is a national chain, 1 is a local charity with 2 shops in our town/city.

The contents of the bags were jackets - good named brands like Regatta, Helly Hansen and Next - as well as some baby born toys and a couple of bags.

Am I the mad evil woman of charity shop donations...???

OP posts:
BathshebaKnickerStickers · 30/07/2018 14:14

TL:DR - Was I right to get my donations back rom shop B because shop C were happier to have them.

OP posts:
chickenowner · 30/07/2018 14:17

I don't blame you.

I once took a bag back when I said I didn't do gift aid (I don't agree with it - it takes tax payers' money away from things like the NHS and overseas aid), and the woman said 'well thanks anyway' in a really sarcastic tone.

implantsandaDyson · 30/07/2018 14:19

Oh for Christ’s sake - YABU. Donate, don’t donate but don’t make it about how “good” the thanks is or how grateful people should be. It’s not about you.

And really telling another grown up to have a think about how they made you feel? Seriously I can only assume there’s something bigger going on than caused you make a bit of a show of yourself.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 30/07/2018 14:20

YABU- they can’t take unlimited stuff but you really laboured the point and was all a bit unnecessary.

tectonicplates · 30/07/2018 14:22

I don't understand charity shops who don't want donations. Where do they get their stuff from then?

PrivateDoor · 30/07/2018 14:22

I would have done the same op. What a a flipping palava to just try and make a donation!

AppleTree0915 · 30/07/2018 14:22

Chicken, I’m not sure what you mean about not agreeing to Gift Aid. The money given to charities through Gift Aid goes back into the charity programmes (its basically an added donation to make money go further without costing you anything). So in the end it’s spent on overseas aid or programmes in the UK.

INeedMoreCakeInMyLife · 30/07/2018 14:23

My local barnardos often has a bin lorry pull up and LOADS go into it..
A friend of a friends volunteers in there and she said if there's too many clothes to go thro it gets binned!

SlartiAardvark · 30/07/2018 14:24

Jesus, you sound like a bloody nightmare!!

I'd have been embarrassed to act in the manner you did.

Lmmontgomery · 30/07/2018 14:24

YABU and a bit of a dick.

They're not getting paid, you know. They're volunteers. Who knows what's going on in their lives?

And don't make out like you're some selfless person giving away your things. You just wanted to get rid of stuff without having to take it to the dump.

PuppyMonkey · 30/07/2018 14:27

I think going back into the shop to have a big moan at them was very OTT of you. Telling him to have a cup of tea and a think about it? Cringe.

slashlover · 30/07/2018 14:28

maybe make yourself a cup of tea as I can see you are not happy today

Wow, this was incredibly patronising. Did you ask shop B if they were taking donations before leaving the bags? They could be incredibly short staffed due to he holidays and not have anybody to look through your donations/price them which means they just pile up in the back, their stock room could be full of donations still to be processed.

All you had to do was not take any further donations to that shop.

PuppyMonkey · 30/07/2018 14:28

Sorry, think I misread - manager was a she.

Ezzie29 · 30/07/2018 14:30

I see why you were annoyed but I don’t think they really did anything wrong and you should have left it.

How is your head though? Should you be driving if you’ve banged your head?

Bombardier25966 · 30/07/2018 14:31

I'm cringing just reading that. You were rude and condescending to the manager, and you are confrontational. In fact you sought out confrontation.

What an embarrassment.

swampytiggaa · 30/07/2018 14:32

My local barnardos often has a bin lorry pull up and LOADS go into it..
A friend of a friends volunteers in there and she said if there's too many clothes to go thro it gets binned!

I struggle to believe that tbh I work for barnardos and we are encouraged to recycle absolutely everything as we get paid for rags etc. We take absolutely everything 🙂

Shoxfordian · 30/07/2018 14:33

You were very rude to the second shop manager tbh

GloGirl · 30/07/2018 14:35

Is your head ok? Are you feeling a bit dizzy or sick?

Phone a friend and have a small chat, let them know you've bumped your head and aren't feeling right. Ask them to check back with you tonight Flowers

HRTpatch · 30/07/2018 14:36

I just couldn't be arsed to get so involved

DontCallMeCharlotte · 30/07/2018 14:36

"Am I the mad evil woman of charity shop donations...???"

Er.... yes. Grin

catlady34 · 30/07/2018 14:36

Why should they be simpering over your bags of old clothes? Confused

SassitudeandSparkle · 30/07/2018 14:37

It seems quite common round here for shops to go through periods of not accepting donations due to being swamped tbh. Even the nearest large donation centre (accepts anything, which I found out about when the local shop branch wouldn't accept a large donation and directed me there instead) stops accepting stuff in the early afternoon to give them time to sort.

Local shops often have limited storage so can easily be swamped by someone having a good clearout don't ask how I know this but while I can see that the last shop appreciated the donations more, I don't think going back to the other shop and asking for the bags back was a good idea.

AJPTaylor · 30/07/2018 14:37

you already know you over reacted and were a little unkind.
i would have made a mental note of the shop that seemed pleased and directed people there in the future.
i always check if a charity shop wants what i have. eg local Sally Army i asked because i had baby clothes but couldnt see any in the shop. they said they are v grateful indeed for clothes for babies and children of all ages. they dont put them out. they sort them and send them straight out to their programmes to help parents clothe their children. makes sense rather than sell them on for a fraction of their cost often to people who are looking for stuff to sell at a profit. all outgrown clothes go sally army now.

megletthesecond · 30/07/2018 14:39

You should have asked if they wanted it and where they wanted it left before you dropped stuff off in shop b.
If they don't have many volunteers over the summer it might be hard to sort and put items out.

bastardlyandmutley · 30/07/2018 14:39

YANBU. They were rude and ungracious. No you don't want a medal for taking stuff to the charity shop just a simple thank you. Good for you OP.

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