Charity Donations - I may have BU

[BathshebaKnickerStickers]

Just done a bit of a clear out - the first of a number needing done in this house over the next few weeks.
Today it was coats and toys from the garage. I always separate into "sellable" and "rags" and send anything unsellable to fabric recycling.

So - 6 black bags into the car.

Went to my charity shop of choice (shop A) - my friend volunteers there - bum, I forgot its closed on a Monday - however I'm out now, need to not carry these things in the car for weeks - I'm in a fairly big town/city - we have a goodly choice of charity shop, even if most in the city centre aren't easy to park at.

Anyway - I find another - Shop B. Pull up outside, road is wide enough to not obstruct the traffic but I'm not "parked" - Grab a couple of bags, take them in, head back to the car for a couple more - I can then hear the front of shop assistant say to someone "Are we taking donations - she's just dumping things"....I take in 2 more bags to be met with the manager from the back office "We aren't actually taking things I mean, I can take this lot but no more - we don't have many volunteers you know, and the charity shop down the road has closed so everyone dumps everything on us".....

I was a bit perturbed - I did say something along the lines of "Sorry, I was just doing my best trying to help...." and left - in a bit of a daze as to the conversation I had just had.

Round the corner to shop C (more main road so I really hate stopping outside but again - its a wide road so I'm not actually obstructing anyone. Popped in, asked "Are you accepting donations?" - the assistant replied Yes - thank you so much, we LOVE donations and we are happy to accept them"....

So I gave her my last 2 bags and explained another shop had really not been very gracious about accepting things.

Now - this may be where I get unreasonable - I was still so upset at Shop B that I went back, stopped the car, and went back in. I said (politely, honest) "Hi, I dropped some bags off about 10 minutes ago but I got the feeling that you weren't happy to accept the donations - I have found another shop that is happy, so if I can have my 4 bags back, I'll take them round there".

Front of shop went to get the manager. She came out of the office "We are happy to take your donations - but there are only 2 of us."

I replied "To be honest, I felt that you accepted my donations really ungratefully - these are items that my children wore and used - I really would rather they went somewhere that my donations weren't seen as a burden"

Manager "Well we are happy to take them".

Me "Well, I haven't been led to believe you are happy to take them, and I feel really upset by the way my donations have been grudgingly accepted. So Can I take them back - I'll relieve you of them and I'll take them to somewhere that has said they would be thrilled."

Manager "We are always happy to take them"

Me - "well, that's not how I've been made to feel - maybe make yourself a cup of tea as I can see you are not happy today but please have a think about how you have made me feel".

Manager - "I don't have 5 minutes for a cup of tea"....

I left, with my bags, took them to shop C who were absolutely thrilled.

I am incredibly non confrontational. I am very shy and quiet but also very generous and have a background in charity volunteering and in customer service.

(I also hit my head really badly just before I went out with something I was taking to the tip and I'm wondering if I've done my head some damage).

For background - 1 of the charity shops is a national chain, 1 is a local charity with 2 shops in our town/city.

The contents of the bags were jackets - good named brands like Regatta, Helly Hansen and Next - as well as some baby born toys and a couple of bags.

Am I the mad evil woman of charity shop donations...???

YABU

You were really rude to the manager of shop B, and suggesting they have a cup of tea is ridiculous and patronising

They had no way of knowing whether you were dumping stuff that would’ve been better binned or if it was good quality stuff. Due to the amount you were dumping (did you not speak to them when you brought the first bags in? Or did you just dump them and go back to your car for more? That’s really rude too) they probably thought it’s more likely to be crap.

Your attitude was uncalled for and rude.

When you went into Shop C you asked, it sounds you just dumped the bags into Shop B? And for the love of God, when you noticed they were less than enthusiastic about taking your donations, why on earth did you persist and dumped two more bags on them?

Nothing inherently wrong with going back, but you seem to have made a huge song and dance of it.

Maybe make yourself a cup of tea as I can see you are not happy today but please have a think about how you have made me feel

^ That was just passive aggressive and condescending.

I do often give directly to appeals that will use the donated goods on recipients rather than selling the for the money.
Projects like Bessom, appeals for clothes for Calais, , womens shelters another example is Sally Army as mentioned. They have all received goods from us.
I think you know you were BU OP. That said have you ever seen around the back of some charity shops one I know of has a skip load of donations that are binned, and they often look useable. In fact one of my friends often roots through them looking for items they have thrown away
I also think some people hand in stuff to charity shops that the minimal volunteer staff have to spend hours sorting through and often over half of it isn't fit for donations or sales.

If you just literally walked in and put bags down on the shop floor without saying a word, then I can understand the volunteers being apprehensive. It sounds like you alarmed them. Were you in a bad mood after hitting your head and finding your friends' shop was closed?

But I don't think you were being U to take your donations back after the first place were very unenthusiastic and the second place were happy to have them.

To be honest, I felt that you accepted my donations really ungratefully - these are items that my children wore and used

Oh my god... cringe. I'm embarrassed on your behalf. Who do you think you are, lady bountiful? bestowing your children's USED stuff and they're supposed to give you a certain amount of gratitude?

Oh cringe!! 😂

I can’t believe you admitted to doing this never mind wondering AIBU. School holidays equals less volunteers people having clear outs doesn’t help matters. I always ask in advance before leaving a donation, I never know how busy they are at the back of the shop.

You weren’t donating you were getting rid as demonstrated by the need to offload them somewhere else when your choice of shop was closed. The charity worker was correct you did just dump the bags you didn’t ask and the manager was also correct you were dumping stuff on her because the other shop was closed.

You need to have a cup of tea and think about how you made that manager feel.

You were so rude and quite ridiculous, maybe you need to give that banged head of yours a wobble.

YABU. I can see why you'd feel a bit put out but to be left feeling dazed that a shop didn't have the staff or space to sort through bags of donations is overreacting a lot.
Also, I take stuff to the charity shop that I need to get rid of anyway. I dont think it's such a benevolent act that the shop needs to be supremely grateful. They can just say thank you and I'll be on my way.

Appletree

Yes I know the money goes to the charity, but it means tax payers money is diverted to the charity from other places it could be spent. It implies that I know best where to send tax payers money, which of course I don't.

I happy enough that the charity gets the money I give directly or from selling the goods I donate.

Where did you think the extra gift aid money came from? The government only have a finite amount!

Anyway, that's my opinion about gift aid having done some research on it. You are perfectly free and welcome to disagree with me.

I had a woman bring in a binbag full of kids clothes last week, all in fairly good condition. I know this because she insisted on opening it up on the counter and holding up every item, one by one, for me to admire.

YWBU. The people in shop B weren’t at all rude to you, they just weren’t sure if they had the resources needed to accept the donation and your huge assumptions going in and dumping the bags made things awkward for everyone. Being massively upset that they pointed out they need resources to process donations and they weren’t quite ready for more at the moment is self-centered, that in itself was unreasonable, though impacts no one but yourself, so of no consequence. Going back to be rude to the manager at shop B was beyond unreasonable. What is going on in your life that you felt driven to something like that?

Its actually quite difficult to donate to charity shops around here, they are usually inundated with stuff. My DD's volunteered at one for a while and it was a health and safety nightmare with all the bags piled up out the back. I have now found a warehouse one in the middle of a deprived area of our town that helps the homeless and are always happy for donations.

@incywincybitofa you wouldn't happen to know where I can donate clothes, toys and such to a woman's shelter on a Saturday? Or maybe you can direct me to a homepage, where I can find that info? The one closest to me is only open on weekdays so I have only managed to make one donation to them as they are an hour away from where I work and they are by far the charity I would most like to donate to.

YABU. They can accept or refuse donations as can any organisation. They are doing up a favour as much as you are doing them one. Everybody wants someone to take their black bin liners of crap for free and sort / wash it to make it look presentable. The way you dashed in and out with your stuff with barely a conversation would have looked really rude!

I don't take crap. I take books that are perfectly usable - cookbooks, novels, non-fiction etc that I could keep but would rather let someone else benefit from. I take clean clothes that are perfectly wearable, sometimes that are new with tags. I take toys and bric a brac, that might only sell for £1, but it adds up. I am not in a financial position to donate my money, and think of it as doing my bit.
A local CS had barbies in knitted outfits that a volunteer had knitted with her wool in her time for nothing. They sold like hot cakes, whereas the dolls wouldn't sell otherwise. That is hardly crap.

I volunteer and sometimes there are few of us to sort through the many donations.

I noted you knocked your head whilst collecting your items together. Perhaps go to your local walk in if you have one or the Doctor.

Knew somebody who banged her head , was years ago now, but she done nothing about it . She ended up knocking it again and went into a coma , due to not having original bump looked into.

Yep, I also think YABU having a go like that. I say that as someone who has felt upset in similar situations (charity shops with signs outside saying they are accepting donations, then when you go in they leaf through your bag and say "oh but not children's books" or whatever- and I'm usually on foot and struggling so end up having to walk them somewhere else). BUT. while I think sometimes there could be better ways of handling the communications with would be donors (e.g. sign outside specifying what they need/want and also what they don't want so you don't have the embarrassment of having everything rootled through, nice manner saying thanks but we can't etc.) I do recognise that a lot of these people are volunteering and there are logistical constraints on space etc. I wouldn't dream of ranting at them like that or taking the bag back like you did. Basically they don't have to be grateful for your old junk (which tbh you want to get rid of too, so they are doing you a favour as well!). There may be some customer service training required but it doesn't justify a massive rant at unpaid volunteers who may not be getting everything right 100%, but are doing something positive however imperfectly.

For the third time... ""We are always happy to take them"

Me - "well, that's not how I've been made to feel - maybe make yourself a cup of tea as I can see you are not happy today but please have a think about how you have made me feel".

Manager - "I don't have 5 minutes for a cup of tea"....

Oh dear.

If you are as "generous" and "non-confrontational" as you claim to be, I would pop in next time I was in town and apologise because you have come across as being pretty self-absorbed.

Okay - so almost absolutely unanimous that I was wrong in this one - I'll accept that.

Just to answer a couple of things - I certainly was not playing Lady Bountiful - I always do all my giving anonymously - I just expected a Thanks and not to feel like I was causing them problems rather than helping.

I didn't ask if they were accepting when I first went in because the front of house member of staff was serving another person - my theory was - esp as the parking is difficult and I had left my car on the road - that I could get another couple of bags in while she was serving and then speak to her after trip 2 - rather than interrupting or hanging about.

And I only mentioned that they were good quality things because I read a thread on here yesterday from someone saying they never got any good charity shop bargains as everything was from Primark - these would have been good bargains for someone.

Anyway - I accept I was wrong and that I was over the top with my cup of tea comment. I'll send them a letter of apology.

Everybody wants someone to take their black bin liners of crap for free and sort / wash it to make it look presentable

Exactly this - whenever I've done a big clear out I'm grateful to the shop for taking the stuff of my hands and sorting it!

I can understand your frustration as the first shop manager could’ve handled it better, but you donate stuff to charity shops to benefit the charity (and yourself, saves going to the tip of disposing them yourself). You shouldn’t expect a fanfare and a cookie for making a donation.

YWBVU. You expected them to be terribly grateful for the stuff you wanted to get rid of. Your motive was clearing out your house, you didn't even ask if they wanted it, you just started chucking it at them as if they should bow down for your cast offs. And then you were incredibly rude to them as well.

Also, isn't it funny that people describe themselves as "incredibly non confrontational" while describing a scenario where they were very confrontational? And rude.

Charity shops are not a dumping ground for your clutter.

I think the letter will be appreciated OP

Oh dear OP. It clearly all went a bit wrong.

Always best to check they are accepting donations first.

In your position I’d have gone back to the first shop and cheerfully let them know that X shop nearby was accepting donations so that they could redirect other people there while they were full.

I’m a bit surprised that you describe yourself as non-confrontational. You behaved in an incredibly confrontational way. You might want to think about that.

I hope your head feels better.

You did go somewhat over the top. I just hand things in and don't give a second thought. Don't get so overly invested in this sort of thing, they are volunteers trying to get through their day.