Charity Donations - I may have BU

[BathshebaKnickerStickers]

Just done a bit of a clear out - the first of a number needing done in this house over the next few weeks.
Today it was coats and toys from the garage. I always separate into "sellable" and "rags" and send anything unsellable to fabric recycling.

So - 6 black bags into the car.

Went to my charity shop of choice (shop A) - my friend volunteers there - bum, I forgot its closed on a Monday - however I'm out now, need to not carry these things in the car for weeks - I'm in a fairly big town/city - we have a goodly choice of charity shop, even if most in the city centre aren't easy to park at.

Anyway - I find another - Shop B. Pull up outside, road is wide enough to not obstruct the traffic but I'm not "parked" - Grab a couple of bags, take them in, head back to the car for a couple more - I can then hear the front of shop assistant say to someone "Are we taking donations - she's just dumping things"....I take in 2 more bags to be met with the manager from the back office "We aren't actually taking things I mean, I can take this lot but no more - we don't have many volunteers you know, and the charity shop down the road has closed so everyone dumps everything on us".....

I was a bit perturbed - I did say something along the lines of "Sorry, I was just doing my best trying to help...." and left - in a bit of a daze as to the conversation I had just had.

Round the corner to shop C (more main road so I really hate stopping outside but again - its a wide road so I'm not actually obstructing anyone. Popped in, asked "Are you accepting donations?" - the assistant replied Yes - thank you so much, we LOVE donations and we are happy to accept them"....

So I gave her my last 2 bags and explained another shop had really not been very gracious about accepting things.

Now - this may be where I get unreasonable - I was still so upset at Shop B that I went back, stopped the car, and went back in. I said (politely, honest) "Hi, I dropped some bags off about 10 minutes ago but I got the feeling that you weren't happy to accept the donations - I have found another shop that is happy, so if I can have my 4 bags back, I'll take them round there".

Front of shop went to get the manager. She came out of the office "We are happy to take your donations - but there are only 2 of us."

I replied "To be honest, I felt that you accepted my donations really ungratefully - these are items that my children wore and used - I really would rather they went somewhere that my donations weren't seen as a burden"

Manager "Well we are happy to take them".

Me "Well, I haven't been led to believe you are happy to take them, and I feel really upset by the way my donations have been grudgingly accepted. So Can I take them back - I'll relieve you of them and I'll take them to somewhere that has said they would be thrilled."

Manager "We are always happy to take them"

Me - "well, that's not how I've been made to feel - maybe make yourself a cup of tea as I can see you are not happy today but please have a think about how you have made me feel".

Manager - "I don't have 5 minutes for a cup of tea"....

I left, with my bags, took them to shop C who were absolutely thrilled.

I am incredibly non confrontational. I am very shy and quiet but also very generous and have a background in charity volunteering and in customer service.

(I also hit my head really badly just before I went out with something I was taking to the tip and I'm wondering if I've done my head some damage).

For background - 1 of the charity shops is a national chain, 1 is a local charity with 2 shops in our town/city.

The contents of the bags were jackets - good named brands like Regatta, Helly Hansen and Next - as well as some baby born toys and a couple of bags.

Am I the mad evil woman of charity shop donations...???

There was a degree of unreasonableness on both sides. The charity shop should have been more polite in their acceptance or refusal of the OP's donation; but the time for OP to reclaim had passed by the time she did so, and the cup of tea comment was unpleasant.

Put it down to all of you having a bad day, and move on.

TBH op, I get where you were coming from. Yes, you probably went a bit over the top with what you said, but seeing as shop B had made out you were inconveniencing them mightily by donating to them and shop C had made it clear they would be very happy to have your donations, I can see why you would want to take the stuff back from B and pass it on to C. I can also see why you might feel pissed off by the initial attitude of shop B's manager.

To the people who're asking if the OP wanted to be simpered over, thanked effusively etc - there's a fair old gap between that and "can we take them? She's just dumping them." All the woman needed to say was "sorry, I'll just need to check if we're taking donations today as we're busy" - directly to the OP, not talking about her as if she wasn't there.

It sounds like the people in shop 2 were being pretty rude as they said "she's just dumping things". SHE is the cat's mother by the way!

This is why i don't give to charity shops and use the collection bins.

I think you made your point, and it probably needed making, actually.

It doesn't matter if they are volunteers, no need to be rude. If you are swamped put a sign up saying you're not taking donations at the moment.

My manager turns things away sometimes as there just isn’t the room for it all!

And of course the staff have time for a cup of tea or whatever drink they choose! It's a charity shop not an A&E ward! The nurses among you must be reading that with some mirth.

I thought this was going to be a confessional about leaving the wrong bags with the charity shop. You gave them the rubbish.

It sounds like the people in shop 2 were being pretty rude as they said "she's just dumping things". SHE is the cat's mother by the way!

She was just dumping things. And SHE is the term for a woman when you a speaking to another person and you don't know the woman's name.

If you are swamped put a sign up saying you're not taking donations at the moment

We do put huge signs on the door saying just this, but people tend not to notice them. It's not something they expect to see., and they're focused on bringing in their donations.
If you point out the sign they're still just as pissed off because they've gone to the trouble of bringing stuff in (which is appreciated) As I've said before, we really don't want to turn away donations but sometimes there is no choice.

I volunteer in a charity shop and unfortunately we do not have the staff some days to cope with large quantities of donations, our store room isn't the tardis. Regrettably we do have to decline some donations. And yes there are days when we do not get the time to flick the kettle on. I think your behaviour was unbelievably rude to go back and get them. I always say thank you to every donor , no matter if it's 10 bags or 1 item...... I think some donors expect me to bow down and kiss their feet though..... Personally I was cringing reading your post 🤷‍♀️

I’ve been struggling to understand why volunteers almost never say thank you for bags, as it seems like volunteer training 101. I have concluded they must be traumatised by opening manky bags of stuff.

However the Oxfam Bookshop send a letter saying how much they raised from your donations over the year, even if its only a little.

I took a bag of barely used clothes (inc. Boden, White Stuff, Hobbs) to the Air Ambulance Service shop in a local town, and the woman working there glared at me and said “I hope those aren’t summer clothes. We’re only accepting clothes for the autumn season now”.

When I donate to a charity shop I generally make sure that particular shop does a good trade on those items. Some are more all about clothes and they are nicely displayed but with any books and toys just dumped in a tote box down the back of the shop all getting damaged and not even priced. Other shops display the books in nice A - Z order and do a quick bit of research to see what that as new Lego set might sell for. All charity shops are different in what they want to sell /does sell. Had you (OP) even been in that shop before and been aware of that particular shops focus.

I’ve been struggling to understand why volunteers almost never say thank you for bags, as it seems like volunteer training 101. I have concluded they must be traumatised by opening manky bags of stuff

It would clearly be a lot better if they said thank you but as they are volunteering I think you shouldn’t let it worry you. They are giving their time to the charity and may not consider that they should be the ones to thank you. Probably in the same way you wouldn’t think to thank them for their work. Iyswim

manaftermidnight “she is the cat’s mother” is a well known term (one of my mum’s favourites!) for pointing out that it isn’t polite to just refer to someone as he or she in their presence without properly acknowledging them (thought as you’d started the man/womansplaining I might as well continue).

And your statement that “charity shops aren’t for dumping your clutter” - well if you replace the derogatory terms “dumping” and “clutter”with “donating” and “perfectly saleable items”, which actually seems to be what had happened, then that indeed is exactly what they are for.

Having said that, I do always nip in first to check that my favourite charity shop is accepting donations in case they have too much stuff to be dealing with. There would be no need for anyone to be rude in this scenario. Or a simple notice in the window to say they have temporarily suspended accepting donations.

Wow, how patronising of you.

You really shouldn't have gone back and demanded your donations back - very bad form indeed.

However the Oxfam Bookshop send a letter saying how much they raised from your donations over the year, even if its only a little

Sense does, Red Cross does, Barnardos does, Age concern does. Most of the big ones do. That's only if you do gift aid, cos then they have your name and address and how much money they've made from your donations.

I hope those aren’t summer clothes. We’re only accepting clothes for the autumn season now

You always get one though, don't you?

I brought something from a charity shop once and the shop assistant was really stressed that the till wasn’t working. She snapped at me to tell me it wasn’t working and demanded ‘you better have the right change’ fairly aggressively.

I mean I recognised that wasn’t the best customer service but then I realised I didn’t know what her circumstances were. Some people on ESA or JSA use volunteer jobs in charity shops to regain their confidence before returning to the workplace. The people working in charity shops might be experiencing all sorts of complex life circumstances which means they might be experiencing a period where they do not have the best coping strategies / social skills.

Obviously everyone hopes to be spoken to politely but YABU to expect to expect the same level of customer service / social skills as you might in M&S for example. At least you realise it though.

I know you've updated already, but my opinion is that I don't actually think you were wrong to take the donations back and give them to a shop that seemed like they really were grateful for (or more accurately in need of) them - I think most of us would rather give donate to a charity who would benefit most from whatever we can offer.

The unreasonable behaviour was the laboured and patronising confrontation.

Maybe make yourself a cup of tea
You patronising madam! I’d have made one and poured it over you.

I don’t see why anyone thinks op is wrong. The charity shop didn’t want her stuff, she rectified the situation.

Exactly! They lost out because the OP removed the offerings from their ungrateful mitts and donated them to a shop where the recipient was pleasant, polite, grateful and working properly for the charity.

Easy.

I know a charity shop that throws loads into the bin. Not broken or torn things. Just things that look (gasp) well used.