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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Charity Donations - I may have BU

292 replies

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 30/07/2018 14:13

Just done a bit of a clear out - the first of a number needing done in this house over the next few weeks.
Today it was coats and toys from the garage. I always separate into "sellable" and "rags" and send anything unsellable to fabric recycling.

So - 6 black bags into the car.

Went to my charity shop of choice (shop A) - my friend volunteers there - bum, I forgot its closed on a Monday - however I'm out now, need to not carry these things in the car for weeks - I'm in a fairly big town/city - we have a goodly choice of charity shop, even if most in the city centre aren't easy to park at.

Anyway - I find another - Shop B. Pull up outside, road is wide enough to not obstruct the traffic but I'm not "parked" - Grab a couple of bags, take them in, head back to the car for a couple more - I can then hear the front of shop assistant say to someone "Are we taking donations - she's just dumping things"....I take in 2 more bags to be met with the manager from the back office "We aren't actually taking things I mean, I can take this lot but no more - we don't have many volunteers you know, and the charity shop down the road has closed so everyone dumps everything on us".....

I was a bit perturbed - I did say something along the lines of "Sorry, I was just doing my best trying to help...." and left - in a bit of a daze as to the conversation I had just had.

Round the corner to shop C (more main road so I really hate stopping outside but again - its a wide road so I'm not actually obstructing anyone. Popped in, asked "Are you accepting donations?" - the assistant replied Yes - thank you so much, we LOVE donations and we are happy to accept them"....

So I gave her my last 2 bags and explained another shop had really not been very gracious about accepting things.

Now - this may be where I get unreasonable - I was still so upset at Shop B that I went back, stopped the car, and went back in. I said (politely, honest) "Hi, I dropped some bags off about 10 minutes ago but I got the feeling that you weren't happy to accept the donations - I have found another shop that is happy, so if I can have my 4 bags back, I'll take them round there".

Front of shop went to get the manager. She came out of the office "We are happy to take your donations - but there are only 2 of us."

I replied "To be honest, I felt that you accepted my donations really ungratefully - these are items that my children wore and used - I really would rather they went somewhere that my donations weren't seen as a burden"

Manager "Well we are happy to take them".

Me "Well, I haven't been led to believe you are happy to take them, and I feel really upset by the way my donations have been grudgingly accepted. So Can I take them back - I'll relieve you of them and I'll take them to somewhere that has said they would be thrilled."

Manager "We are always happy to take them"

Me - "well, that's not how I've been made to feel - maybe make yourself a cup of tea as I can see you are not happy today but please have a think about how you have made me feel".

Manager - "I don't have 5 minutes for a cup of tea"....

I left, with my bags, took them to shop C who were absolutely thrilled.

I am incredibly non confrontational. I am very shy and quiet but also very generous and have a background in charity volunteering and in customer service.

(I also hit my head really badly just before I went out with something I was taking to the tip and I'm wondering if I've done my head some damage).

For background - 1 of the charity shops is a national chain, 1 is a local charity with 2 shops in our town/city.

The contents of the bags were jackets - good named brands like Regatta, Helly Hansen and Next - as well as some baby born toys and a couple of bags.

Am I the mad evil woman of charity shop donations...???

OP posts:

Cantspell2 · 30/07/2018 16:25

The whole fisco was of your making as you didn’t ask if the charity shop was taking donations and just dumped 2 sacks and went to get more.
Yes charity shops rely on donations but are not going to be always in a position to accept and deal with 6 sacks of what could be dirty tat( not saying your was but without someone going through them they wouldn’t know and a lot of people do give dirty tat to charity shops just as a way to get rid of it)
I always ask before leaving stuff and give a rough idea of what I am donating so the shop can say if they can take it or not. I always give my donations to one particular shop I want to support and don’t want them having to spend raised funds to pay to have goods they have no use for taken away.

slithytove · 30/07/2018 16:26

I don’t get this ‘saves you going to the tip thing’

Going to the tip - Same driving distance, easier to park, better opening hours, no need to sort or clean stuff

Charity shop - hard to park, restricted opening, have to wash, clean, fold items.

I do the latter because it’s better for everyone not to waste and to try and get money for useable items. But it’s not easier for me, and if a charity shop behaved as the one in the OP did, I think I would also remove the problem I had caused by removing my donation and not bothering with them in future.

slithytove · 30/07/2018 16:27

Incidentally BHF do household pick ups
They get all my donations now

HellenaHandbasket · 30/07/2018 16:27

You were ott. The majority of people give stuff to charity to get it out of their house tbh, and it wasn't that you specifically wanted to help that charity you just happened to be able to park there. Get over yourself.

TheShapeOfEwe · 30/07/2018 16:28

It sounds like you were donating more for the reward of others being grateful than because you wanted to be altruistic. That's a sure fire way to feel disappointment because people often won't live up to your expectations about the thanks you should receive in return. Whereas donating for the sake of donating because it's the right thing to do makes you feel good regardless of how people respond to you! It's a much more rewarding experience that way.

Nomad86 · 30/07/2018 16:29

Whilst she was rude, I can understand her frustration. I volunteer at a clothing bank and we wear rubber gloves to go through bags of donations as some of them are vile. Dirty, smelly, stained, soiled underwear. We get tons, and only a fraction can be given out. Sorting it takes storage and is very labour intensive. So if she was having a particularly bad day, I can see why she was curt. However, she shouldn't have taken it out on you.

Barbie222 · 30/07/2018 16:31

At our tip there's a clothing bank anyway - I guess because so many charity stores are on the high street without easy parking for dropoff.

Cantspell2 · 30/07/2018 16:31

Slithytove not everyone has a tip within the same distance as charity shops.
Our local tip is only open between 10 and 4 on set days and usually has quite long quest to get to an unloading bay.
Plus plenty of people don’t wash and fold donated items. Many just shove it in a bin bag and dump outside the door.

Livinglavidal0ca · 30/07/2018 16:32

*maybe make yourself a cup of tea as I can see you are not happy today

Wow, this was incredibly patronising. Did you ask shop B if they were taking donations before leaving the bags? They could be incredibly short staffed due to he holidays and not have anybody to look through your donations/price them which means they just pile up in the back, their stock room could be full of donations still to be processed.

All you had to do was not take any further donations to that shop.*

This made me laugh, I was reading through the NHS councilling support booklet at work the other day, inside it says, if a patient is struggling, offer them a cup of tea, if they’re struggling at home, suggest they make a cup of tea!
In an NHS book! Being British makes me laugh.

MatildaTheCat · 30/07/2018 16:33

Sending a letter or some biscuits would be a really nice thing to do. We’ve all had our moments which are not our finest and tbh I suspect you probably really upset the manager of shop B.

She will be pleased to get an apology which frankly is a rare thing these days.

slithytove · 30/07/2018 16:34

Cantspell - so? Why do some assume that is the case for everyone, trying to put them down for donating to charity and saying it’s not altruistic.

You dont know that for a fact.

chickenowner · 30/07/2018 16:35

I can't believe you're even considering apologising. They were rude to you.

TheShapeOfEwe · 30/07/2018 16:35

Also just for general info it's a good idea to ask charity shops in advance if they're accepting donations - contrary to what many think, they don't always need stuff and volunteers can get overwhelmed by having to sort through bags of things that they don't need. Then they're often left in the same predicament of having to get rid of stuff that they can't use or sell. I try to pop in the day before and ask if donations will be useful, but if that isn't practical you should at least nip in and speak to someone before unloading your bags.

bsbabas · 30/07/2018 16:36

Do you have a concussion?

Cantspell2 · 30/07/2018 16:44

Slithytove The op herself says she went were parking was easiest. Nothing about the charity she wanted to support and in fact the shop she did originally want to give them items to was closed and she wasn’t prepared to hang on to them for a day or so until she could get back there when they were open.
She just wanted shot of the bags which of course there is nothing wrong with but hardly screams althruisim was the driving force.

RoseWhiteTips · 30/07/2018 16:50

I completely understand. OP. Volunteers who are ungrateful or not polite to givers should not be there, frankly.

As for the she’s just dumping them comment - how DARE they.

Their loss, ultimately. Well done for doing what you did and telling them why.

🙂

RoseWhiteTips · 30/07/2018 16:52

RoseWhiteTips · 30/07/2018 16:54

How weird are those who think you should be falling over yourself to accommodate them.

Wonder if their Head Office knows about the way they treat people who are generously contributing to charity?

NoFucksImAQueen · 30/07/2018 16:56

meh I think you were fine. she made a point of telling you they weren't actually accepting donations but I'll take these and no more like it was a burden for them- especially adding the everyone just dumps their stuff on us.
she was rude first

Karigan198 · 30/07/2018 16:58

Don’t blame you. I’d have felt inclined to do the same but probably wouldn’t have bothered.

sporadicrains · 30/07/2018 17:04

I'm with you OP - I've had the same sort of tutting and eye-rolling welcome in a national charity shop, and I was dropping off quite a lot of practically new stuff. I got back in the car and really wanted to go back and repossess them again and take them somewhere they'd be appreciated. We go to a different one now - a local charity with just 1 shop. They are lovely in there.

PrivateDoor · 30/07/2018 17:09

Given how hard it is to park near most charity shops, I don't really think you should have to go in first and hang around until they are free so you can ask if they want your donation? Surely a sign in the window saying 'thanks to lots of recent generous donations, we are unable to accept anymore just now until we clear more space again' or whatever would solve the issue?

Volunteers or not, people in a customer service role should be polite! Recently we were at a museum that has lots of volunteers on its staff, one was incredibly rude to my child who has autism when she had a bit of a freak out due to sensory overload - I explained about the autism and she replied 'oh I didn't know it isn't right'!!! Yes those exact words!!!! WTF? Being a volunteer does not make rudeness ok.

IDontEatFriedTurtle · 30/07/2018 17:11

You were so unreasonable. They're volunteers and can only do so much, additionally, who is being hurt? Those in need of the money raised by the volunteers.

Why didn't you thank them for doing the hard work? presumably you both do your bit , them through volunteering you through donating?

Witchend · 30/07/2018 17:13

Very rude.

Why on earth didn't you nip into B and ask them first if they were taking donations? Certainly walking in, dumping two bags and walking out again without asking is going to make anyone think you're dumping.

Going back in and asking for them to give the donations back because they weren't grateful enough is the worst kind of attitude.

Btw the charity shop round here that always says they love donations and takes all that comes is also the one that throws most stuff away, and the volunteers take first pick at anything they fancy.

KarlDilkington · 30/07/2018 17:13

I always have to smirk at the scripts people type out on here. As if we all speak perfectly eloquently and reasonably like in this op!

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