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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Charity Donations - I may have BU

292 replies

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 30/07/2018 14:13

Just done a bit of a clear out - the first of a number needing done in this house over the next few weeks.
Today it was coats and toys from the garage. I always separate into "sellable" and "rags" and send anything unsellable to fabric recycling.

So - 6 black bags into the car.

Went to my charity shop of choice (shop A) - my friend volunteers there - bum, I forgot its closed on a Monday - however I'm out now, need to not carry these things in the car for weeks - I'm in a fairly big town/city - we have a goodly choice of charity shop, even if most in the city centre aren't easy to park at.

Anyway - I find another - Shop B. Pull up outside, road is wide enough to not obstruct the traffic but I'm not "parked" - Grab a couple of bags, take them in, head back to the car for a couple more - I can then hear the front of shop assistant say to someone "Are we taking donations - she's just dumping things"....I take in 2 more bags to be met with the manager from the back office "We aren't actually taking things I mean, I can take this lot but no more - we don't have many volunteers you know, and the charity shop down the road has closed so everyone dumps everything on us".....

I was a bit perturbed - I did say something along the lines of "Sorry, I was just doing my best trying to help...." and left - in a bit of a daze as to the conversation I had just had.

Round the corner to shop C (more main road so I really hate stopping outside but again - its a wide road so I'm not actually obstructing anyone. Popped in, asked "Are you accepting donations?" - the assistant replied Yes - thank you so much, we LOVE donations and we are happy to accept them"....

So I gave her my last 2 bags and explained another shop had really not been very gracious about accepting things.

Now - this may be where I get unreasonable - I was still so upset at Shop B that I went back, stopped the car, and went back in. I said (politely, honest) "Hi, I dropped some bags off about 10 minutes ago but I got the feeling that you weren't happy to accept the donations - I have found another shop that is happy, so if I can have my 4 bags back, I'll take them round there".

Front of shop went to get the manager. She came out of the office "We are happy to take your donations - but there are only 2 of us."

I replied "To be honest, I felt that you accepted my donations really ungratefully - these are items that my children wore and used - I really would rather they went somewhere that my donations weren't seen as a burden"

Manager "Well we are happy to take them".

Me "Well, I haven't been led to believe you are happy to take them, and I feel really upset by the way my donations have been grudgingly accepted. So Can I take them back - I'll relieve you of them and I'll take them to somewhere that has said they would be thrilled."

Manager "We are always happy to take them"

Me - "well, that's not how I've been made to feel - maybe make yourself a cup of tea as I can see you are not happy today but please have a think about how you have made me feel".

Manager - "I don't have 5 minutes for a cup of tea"....

I left, with my bags, took them to shop C who were absolutely thrilled.

I am incredibly non confrontational. I am very shy and quiet but also very generous and have a background in charity volunteering and in customer service.

(I also hit my head really badly just before I went out with something I was taking to the tip and I'm wondering if I've done my head some damage).

For background - 1 of the charity shops is a national chain, 1 is a local charity with 2 shops in our town/city.

The contents of the bags were jackets - good named brands like Regatta, Helly Hansen and Next - as well as some baby born toys and a couple of bags.

Am I the mad evil woman of charity shop donations...???

OP posts:
Piffle11 · 30/07/2018 14:39

Of course YABU!! Most charity shops have limited space 'behind the scenes' and a lack of volunteers means that stuff piles up. I've often seen signs on doors of charity shops - especially at Christmas when people chuck out the old toys - saying that they cannot accept any more donations. I recently did a massive clear out: good stuff to my favourite charity shop, and the stuff that's still decent but couldn't be sold goes on Freecycle. I'm glad the stuff is getting used or being put to a good cause, but they are doing me a favour too by taking it. You are irked because they didn't fall over you with gratitude for the stuff that you no longer want … fine, be pissed off, but to go back and have a go because they didn't thank you the way you wanted is awful. You have a background in charity volunteering and customer service … really? I would have just left it and in future gone to the 2nd shop. I think you should read your OP again - you don't come out of it well, IMO.

Joinourclub · 30/07/2018 14:39

Omfg you sound like hard work.

Elllicam · 30/07/2018 14:40

I think YANBU. I wouldn’t be particularly pleased to give my donation to people who were rude and grumpy.

NaomiNagata · 30/07/2018 14:40

The manager is possibly paid, but the others are volunteers or people on community service. They are not going to fawn over your donations... that's just how it is.
If you're donating, you do it because you want to not because you're looking for praise. And if it is chain, then the donations are often taken in bigger stores, sorted and then sent out. The smaller ones will take donations, but the locals probably know they prefer not too. The just don't have the staff to sort through it.

You handled this badly though. Giving to charity is not about getting praised and thanks. These are ordinary people who are doing a lot more to help then you are by volunteering, or they are people being punished for committing a crime, so expecting thanks and praise is a bit silly. Especially if you just dumped the first bags, and didn't say "hiya, can I bring in some donations".

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 30/07/2018 14:40

I think you were over the top going back and asking for the bags back if I'm honest

But it does irritate me when you get the meh response and complaints over people donating

I've had this , and just said...ok fine don't worry I'll go elsewhere

And before anyone moans I worked for charities for a good long while , two of which had shops and they would have been horrified at being so ungrateful

It's not a bow and scrape as such but that basic courtesy

Agreed the comment about a cup of tea was patronising though

abbsisspartacus · 30/07/2018 14:41

Managers do get paid and some of the volunteers become "staff" depends on the store

AnExcellentUsername · 30/07/2018 14:42

This is so embarrassing.

Redisthemagicolour · 30/07/2018 14:43

I’m not sure I’d have been brave enough to go back but I’d have wanted to! Some of the people (volunteers or not) are incredibly rude to people donating. I don’t blame you to be honest.

SunsetOnTheHorizon · 30/07/2018 14:43

Your clothes therefore your choice as to where it is donated to.

Donating to charity should make you feel like you have given something to help, a sense of satisfaction so you give more in the future. Not stress you out and give you a whole heap of confusion as you walk away.

Mrsmadevans · 30/07/2018 14:46

I have never had this but l think you were dead right to take the bags bad ungrateful bleeders!

afromom · 30/07/2018 14:48

Ineedmorecake - I also find it hard to believe that bin loads of things get taken away from charity shops. If that is the case, your friend who volunteers should really be whistleblowing as that is certainly not the policy. Very little gets thrown away, almost everything can be ragged, sent to the bookman, etc. If large amounts are just being thrown out it really is a single shop issue, not a charity shop issue.

In terms of accepting donations, it is incredibly difficult to get volunteers to help in the shops. Many managers are left lone working, or one person sorting huge amounts of donations on their own. It does become a health and safety issue in the store rooms (which are often minuscule - as charities can not afford the rents of large shops in town centres) and therefore, for the safety of staff and volunteers they have to stop taking donations, until they can clear the space to a safe level.

Unsurprisingly this time of year is very busy with donations, whilst people clear their houses for the summer break.

That being said, it does sound like the staff/volunteers were not particularly grateful and I would suggest a more measured response would have been an email to the charity, via their website, rather than returning to take the bags back. Those type of emails are taken seriously - in fact I have dealt with 2 already today!

Susikettu · 30/07/2018 14:48

I'm a manager of a charity shop and although shop Bs attiudie didn't sound the best quite often people do just dump black bags in the doorway without saying they are dropping off donations and for health and safety we have to make sure we have room to accept them into the back room. The size of a lot of charity shop back rooms is not as spacious as you think and I couldn't always accept all donations, especially if I was already full and didn't have any volunteers to sort that week. I would always try and explain this politely but people do get annoyed that you won't take everything. Also as we were on the way to the tip people often think it's easier to dump it on us then carry on down the road.
In terms of telling her to have a cup of tea if she was having the kind of day it sounds like I wouldn't want your donations anyway, it's a hard hard job with minimum pay and a lot of time there isn't time for a cup of tea. That was BU.

RideOn · 30/07/2018 14:48

YABU that was quite unkind and unnecessary.

You should have asked shop B what they are looking for first, they have the right to say we will take 4 bags but stop at that, maybe they don't have space or time to inspect, hang, clean and price more than that at the moment.

KittyHawke80 · 30/07/2018 14:51

Inviting someone to make themselves a cup of tea to make themselves more affable, is vvvvv u. It would have annoyed the shit out of me. That said, they ought perhaps to have been a bit more gracious, and it was reasonable for you to make that point. ONCE.

Jaxtellerswife · 30/07/2018 14:52

You will be the person the staff talk about when they get home and yes, that was a bit ridiculous.
If anything I think they were nice to just give it back as technically it was already donated.
I don't think you've made anyone think the way you meant them too, put it that way

MikeUniformMike · 30/07/2018 14:52

Take in things little and often. The shops I take my stuff to are so grateful I almost feel embarrassed. It's just clutter to me. Pop a few things in your shopping bag and drop them off when you go into town. Much less hassle than several bin bags. Some shops don't take certain things like books because they don't sell. Take those items to a book bank or a charity shop that does sell them.

CaMePlaitPas · 30/07/2018 14:52

Having worked in retail you don't half get some headbangers in - the British public are absolutely nuts. Yes OP you are one of them.

KittyHawke80 · 30/07/2018 14:53

I agree with Jay, as well, that she wasn’t obliged to give them back. You massively belaboured the point, and made yourself look faintly ridiculous.

KittyHawke80 · 30/07/2018 14:54

Jax!

LetsGoBitches · 30/07/2018 14:54

Jesus Bathsheba, I think you’re stratospherically missing the point of charitable giving.

If you really want to do something for charity, how about offering your time to shop A to help sort through dumped bags, as you seem to have a lot of it on your hands.

What do you really want out of life? A gold star?

JessicaJonesJacket · 30/07/2018 14:55

If you had taken the bags back because you accepted shop B was understaffed and not really equipped to take the donations then that would have been fine.
But you turned it into an issue about their lack of gratitude and then were very patronising to suggest they took time out to have a cup of tea.
Charity shops don't take donations every day. They do need to have the staff to sort and manage the donations. It's frankly bizarre that you reacted to that fact as though it was a personal insult.

PomegranateBun · 30/07/2018 15:00

I don't understand charity shops who don't want donations. Where do they get their stuff from then?

Sometimes, like just after Christmas and often during spring people have a massive clear out and we get inundated with donations to the point where we have black bin bags piled to the ceiling in the back of the shop - often to the point of becoming dangerous.
Add to that one or two volunteers not turning up, or being on holiday or ill, there just aren't enough people to sort them.
We sometimes cannot physically fit another bag into storage, so we have to stop accepting donations until we get things under control.
In the shop I work in, we don't like doing it and are aware that it pisses people off when they've made the effort to bring stuff so we apologise profusely and thank them for thinking of us.

Sometimes if it's really hectic we're just in panic mode and may not thank you enough (like OP).

TwoBlueShoes · 30/07/2018 15:01

I think people get a bit over-invested in their kids clothes.

I would have been a bit irked with Shop B, but absolutely wouldn't have gone back in and asked for the donations back. That's just Shock

PomegranateBun · 30/07/2018 15:02

A friend of a friends volunteers in there and she said if there's too many clothes to go thro it gets binned!

Well that's not generally true. It can get taken to other shops who are low on donations, or sold for rags (which makes quite a lot for our shop). It would never be binned without being sorted.

Atetoomanyjaffacakes · 30/07/2018 15:03

OP you are one of those people who just does nice things to get a massive pat on the back aren't you?

I bet you are posting here for us to all fawn over you at what an amazing thing you have done today...

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