Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking that this man should be banned from the shop forever?

254 replies

Ilovemuesli · 29/07/2018 21:15

Hi,
So the following happened this morning and I am still in disbelief about it - and wholly disgusted with this man's attitude.

I was sitting in the cafe of a well-known supermarket with a couple of friends and my two month old DD. On the table in front of us were two girls, probably around 19/20 yrs old. They were caring for two boys who were about 9/10 years old and were obviously disabled - in wheelchairs e.t.c. The girls also had some jackets on with a charity logo printed on the back. Across the aisle from their table was a man and his wife having breakfast/coffee.

At one point one of the boys threw his bottle of pop in the air and it unfortunately hit the man's wife in her face. One of the girls immediately stood up to apologise, but the man started ranting and raving, swearing at the two girls who were looking after these boys and shouting at full volume that the children "should be made to leave" and that "they don't belong here". It was very upsetting for the poor children - it took a long time after the man had eventually left for the girls to calm the children down - the boy who threw the pop was particularly distressed.

The cafe assistant fetched the manager who took them aside for a private word then came to see the two girls and apologised, also saying that the wife had asked for a first aider but other than that there was nothing they could do for a genuine accident.

AIBU to still be outraged at this man's behaviour? In my opinion he should be banned from ever entering the shop again - I haven't really described everything he was shouting at them - and also me when I told him he should be ashamed of himself and his behaviour (I may have called him ignorant) It was clear that it was an accident, while I understand it won't have been nice to have had a bottle of pop hit you in the face, but demanding that the children be removed and that they don't belong in the same place as everyone else? In my opinion - he is an absolute disgraceful/disgusting human being. How dare he say that those children shouldn't be allowed in there? It was blatantly obvious that they were disabled and needed extra care, and the girl/carer had tried to apologise straightaway, but the language, the volume and the content of what he was saying is still making my blood boil nearly 11 hours later !

Sorry for the rant! Please tell me if I'm overreacting (!)

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 29/07/2018 21:19

Op I'd be angry about it too.

She asked for a first aider? Confused was there blood or a broken nose?

restingbemusedface · 29/07/2018 21:21

Well done for telling him hit was being a dick OP. How horrible. Poor kids.

yawning801 · 29/07/2018 21:22

No he is an absolute arsehole, YANBU.

Original poster
Ilovemuesli · 29/07/2018 21:27

@kaytee

No, nope blood! It hit her on the side of her face, it looked like she was holding her cheek. A bruise at most. She didn't say a word to the children, but her husband had plenty to say!

Fair enough, perhaps the carers should have moved the bottle out of the boy's reach, or given him the bottle when he wanted a drink only, but I know how easy it is to overlook simple things like that. There was absolutely no reason for the man to stand up, swear, shout, point and say the things that he said (!) It was clear that he was referring to their disability when he was shouting that they should be removed/didn't belong in the cafe with other people.

I have a lot of respect for these carers - if this is the kind of reception they get from idiots like this man and they manage to keep their tempers as well as those two girls did, they are much better people than me (!)

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 29/07/2018 21:31

YANBU. He must have seen that the children had additional needs.
However if the wife had have kicked off.( I don't mean to level he did, obviously)
I might very very very very slighty understood.
I mean it müst have bloody hurt.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 29/07/2018 21:33

Being hit in the face by a bottle would really hurt....no wonder the man kicked off....id be bloody angry too !!!

Chuggachuggatoottoot · 29/07/2018 21:38

That is really horrible he said that OP. It's not on. Yes it isn't great being accidentally hit in the face and annoying but to say those things no YANBU

Original poster
Ilovemuesli · 29/07/2018 21:39

I think I'm annoyed more at the man's attitude towards those children.
Absolutely agree - nobody wants to get hit in the face by a bottle of pop (FYI the bottle was half empty so not a full heavy bottle - but I guess still some weight to it)

If the carer had not tried to apologise immediately then I would have felt a bit more sorry for him/his wife, but he immediately started shouting at them and then to say things like they don't belong in here was just well over the top and completely unreasonable/offensive.

I usually try and look at things from both sides but this really made my blood boil !

OP posts:
londonrach · 29/07/2018 21:49

Op...it really depends. His wife might be ill, had dental problem or had a brain tumour like my gran. Someone throwing a bottle at her would leave her in agony

IceCreamFace · 29/07/2018 21:53

YANBU I'm glad you stood up for them.

spiderplantsalad · 29/07/2018 21:58

So his wife was minding her own business in a cafe and was hit in the face with a bottle of juice, badly enough that she felt the need for a first aider? I wasn't there and didn't see him shouting but I can understand why they could have been upset actually.

To say they don't belong in here is obviously wrong though. The carer should have taken more care with the bottle but the children belong there as much as anyone else.

Original poster
Ilovemuesli · 29/07/2018 22:02

@londonrach

So sorry about your gran's brain tumour. I totally accept that I don't know anything about the poor woman who got hit by the bottle and she could well have been in serious pain from that - hence the request for a first aider. And now that I am cooling down I can understand her husband being annoyed/concerned for her welfare.

What upset me the most was how he went on about how they didn't belong in the cafe and should be removed - it was very clear he was referring to their disability as the reason why they should be removed.
I know we often say things in the heat of the moment that we don't really mean but carrying on shouting at everyone like he did was really nasty.
I'd like to think if I had been in his shoes, even being as angry as he was I would have acted with a little more respect, understanding and with more dignity.

OP posts:
didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 29/07/2018 22:02

I can see both sides tbh.

I'd absolutely flip my shit. I have Trigeminal Neuralgia and this incident would have likely meant months of agony for me. And I mean agony. During one of my worse episodes I took an entire box of Co-dydramol. I didn't care if I died as long as it stopped. Wind can set if off so god know what a bottle to the face would do. Even without a preexisting condition, I imagine it would hurt. What if it had hit a baby? I bet if you were sitting there feeding your newborn and a bottle smacked him/her in the head, you'd be singing a different tune.

Their additional needs are irrelevant; violence is not acceptable and the carers should not have allowed their charges to pose any kind of a risk to anyone. If you know they tend to throw things about, you don't allow access to anything that can injure if thrown.

Bollocks to the "they don't belong here" comment, that is just twattery at its finest. The man was obviously wrong and downright disablist in his handling of the situation but I don't blame him at all for being angry. He was an utter utter cunt but that doesn't make him entirely unreasonable. I'd have shouted too although not saying things like that.

It's not the boys fault, it's the people who should have been supervising him.

LanaorAna2 · 29/07/2018 22:03

Being hit in the face by a bottle of drink hurts & the wife would have been shocked too. But the H just overreacted - it happens. Not everyone's perfect.

He might have had a hidden disability.

YouTheCat · 29/07/2018 22:04

It's fine to be upset about it. It's not fine to shout at carers and children with additional needs. Accidents happen.

NotMyCircusMonkeys · 29/07/2018 22:05

I would have been bloody angry if I was sat having breakfast and suddenly got hit in the face by a bottle of drink. That is not acceptable, at all. It's not the boy's fault but I would definitely not have been impressed with the people who were supposed to be supervising them.

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/07/2018 22:08

You don't know what is going on in their life and you are also minimising being hit by a pop bottle.

He was wrong and reasonable but you need to see why they were upset.

PatchworkElmer · 29/07/2018 22:14

What he said is disgusting.

I’m just thinking how I’d react. Tbh, I think if DH or I were hit, I’d be having a word with the staff and highlighting that the children weren’t properly supervised and were posing a danger to others.

If it was DS that was hit, I would be very angry indeed. I wouldn’t be spouting that hateful bullocks, but I would probably be telling those supervising the children that they should’ve been doing a better job.

LlamaPyjamas · 29/07/2018 22:16

I can totally understand how, if someone’s disability means they can’t be prevented from physically harming bystanders, the bystanders might feel that the person shouldn’t be allowed in that situation. If a person is violent due to disability then their carer needs to be able to control and manage them.

PatchworkElmer · 29/07/2018 22:17

Also, people react angrily when scared. It doesn’t make it right, but it is understandable.

And as others have said, there could well be something else going on- my DM had moes surgery on her face recently, and a knock like that would cause serious pain and damage. It’s not a rare procedure.

fleshmarketclose · 29/07/2018 22:17

It is so upsetting to experience this when your child has a disability. I remember my own son in the local newsagent start to scream (because they had changed the display) I was trying to leave the shop with him but a man who was in our way instead of stepping aside bent down and roared at ds. The newsagent who knew of ds's needs told the man he was barred, to leave the shop and she would never serve him again. What he didn't realise was that my big bear of a father who was waiting for us had witnessed it all and grabbed him on the way out and held him tight whilst he gave a grovelling apology to me , ds, the newsagent and himself before warning him, that if he ever saw him again or if I ever reported that he had glanced in mine or ds's direction he'd give him a good hiding, before sending him on his way.I like to think he learnt a thing or two that day.

PurpleFlower1983 · 29/07/2018 22:18

His comment was completely out of line but I understand why he was pissed off.

Barbie222 · 29/07/2018 22:19

What a lot of intolerance and violence all around.

PurpleFlower1983 · 29/07/2018 22:19

If they regularly throw things then the café was likely not the best setting for them.

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/07/2018 22:20

fleshmarketclose

You realise that your story puts your father in the same (possibly worse) are than the man in the OP?