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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For thinking that this man should be banned from the shop forever?

254 replies

Ilovemuesli · 29/07/2018 21:15

Hi,
So the following happened this morning and I am still in disbelief about it - and wholly disgusted with this man's attitude.

I was sitting in the cafe of a well-known supermarket with a couple of friends and my two month old DD. On the table in front of us were two girls, probably around 19/20 yrs old. They were caring for two boys who were about 9/10 years old and were obviously disabled - in wheelchairs e.t.c. The girls also had some jackets on with a charity logo printed on the back. Across the aisle from their table was a man and his wife having breakfast/coffee.

At one point one of the boys threw his bottle of pop in the air and it unfortunately hit the man's wife in her face. One of the girls immediately stood up to apologise, but the man started ranting and raving, swearing at the two girls who were looking after these boys and shouting at full volume that the children "should be made to leave" and that "they don't belong here". It was very upsetting for the poor children - it took a long time after the man had eventually left for the girls to calm the children down - the boy who threw the pop was particularly distressed.

The cafe assistant fetched the manager who took them aside for a private word then came to see the two girls and apologised, also saying that the wife had asked for a first aider but other than that there was nothing they could do for a genuine accident.

AIBU to still be outraged at this man's behaviour? In my opinion he should be banned from ever entering the shop again - I haven't really described everything he was shouting at them - and also me when I told him he should be ashamed of himself and his behaviour (I may have called him ignorant) It was clear that it was an accident, while I understand it won't have been nice to have had a bottle of pop hit you in the face, but demanding that the children be removed and that they don't belong in the same place as everyone else? In my opinion - he is an absolute disgraceful/disgusting human being. How dare he say that those children shouldn't be allowed in there? It was blatantly obvious that they were disabled and needed extra care, and the girl/carer had tried to apologise straightaway, but the language, the volume and the content of what he was saying is still making my blood boil nearly 11 hours later !

Sorry for the rant! Please tell me if I'm overreacting (!)

OP posts:

LeighaJ · 29/07/2018 23:03

My Mom got a concussion from being hit in the head with a can of soda so even half full bottle would hurt a lot.

The man could have defitinetly handled it better.

haribosmarties · 29/07/2018 23:16

this is a depressing thread. Cant believe people still feel this way about disabled people in this day and age. There is no 100% fool proof way of guarenteeing that someone with severe behavioural issues will not accidently cause someone minor harm at some point whilst out in public.

I used to work with a man who had four trained carers with him 24hrs a day who occasionally would still end up doing things like throwing something in a supermarket or shouting or grabbing... Are PPs actually suggesting that these people should be confined to specialist environments for the entirety of their lives just because of a handful of accidents where someone has gotten hit by something?
Of course these instances shouldnt happen and should be apologised for, but there is no way to completely guarentee that they wont ever happen except to keep these people away from the general public totally.... and im afraid you just cant do that
I mean when you weigh it up... someone gets hit in the face with a coke bottle once in their life against someone being kept away from the public for the entirety of their existence it just looks ridiculous.

Duck90 · 29/07/2018 23:17

His over reaction does hint at more going on in the couples life.

haribosmarties · 29/07/2018 23:18

point is these things happen and none of it was malicious and yet even after an apology that man still went on a tirade... that is not okay... its actually much much worse behaviour than those boys were displaying

Fang2468 · 29/07/2018 23:26

What if it had been a cup of hot coffee straight into a baby’s face? It sounds dangerous and like it happened due to not enough supervision. Maybe the cafe wasn’t a suitable environment for the boys SN? Could he have meant that? Or maybe he over reacted?

nokidshere · 29/07/2018 23:33

Nothing you said indicates that he thought they shouldn't be there because they were disabled? Maybe he just meant unruly kids? Or kids in general? Or carers who aren't supervising properly?

He was angry, he yelled, he lost his cool. It's hardly the end of the world.

And I'm pretty sure if the bottle had hit you, or your new baby,, you wouldn't be nearly as outraged

Eliza9917 · 29/07/2018 23:37

He was wrong to say what he did but not unreasonable to be angry. The wife could have osteoporosis/brittle bones or anything.

If I got hit in the face with a bottle I'd probably kick off too. At the carers/parents, but I wouldnt say stuff like he did.

lola212121 · 29/07/2018 23:43

@Ilovemuesli accidents happen , he needs the bottle up his I think. Anger management for him I reckon

Mariatequila · 29/07/2018 23:45

I’m so sick of the ‘oh you don’t know what’s going on in their life’ brigade. It’s Bullshit! We all have pain we all have grief! But most of us don’t act like class A c*nts do we?
That poor man assaulting those kids we don’t know what’s going on in his life? Did it ever occur to you we also don’t know what’s going on in the girls lives? One of them could have lost a parent recently/have depression/be suicidal. This man being a giant c**t could have been the thing that pushed them over the edge.
Honestly OP sounds like it was a first for the boy who threw something, and you know when someone is being disablist. I’d honestly go back to the cafe and tell them I think the man should be banned for being a bigot.

manaftermidnight · 29/07/2018 23:48

Their additional needs are irrelevant; violence is not acceptable and the carers should not have allowed their charges to pose any kind of a risk to anyone. If you know they tend to throw things about, you don't allow access to anything that can injure if thrown

Not irrelevant at all, and its not violence. The carers might easily have never seen their charge throw anything, and even if they had you are suggesting that this child should never be allowed to hold anything in his hand, ever.

BTW OP could you stop calling them girls? They are grown women doing serious jobs.

BlancheM · 29/07/2018 23:51

Good grief the only thing more depressing than the thought of this loudmouth fucker kicking off is the amount of people tying themselves up in knots excusing the bigotry.
I feel sorry for his wife.

Witchend · 29/07/2018 23:51

I don't think what he said was right, but I have a certain amount of sympathy and think you're minimising what happened to his wife.
For what it's worth, a friend of mine got a fractured cheekbone from her toddler dc throwing a sippy cup. Didn't even had much liquid left in.

Also it depends a bit on whether they were being well supervised or not. I go to a café that has frequent disabled people of all ages and various disabilities with carers
Most people are fantastic (both carers and cared for), but I know the workers' hearts sink with a couple of groups as the carers almost always sit there chatting to each other and playing on phones and ignore the mess and behaviour of the people they're with-and that can include throwing things (usually food) which is totally ignored.

Stillme1 · 30/07/2018 00:10

I wonder what OP's post would have been like if it had been her tiny baby who was hit with the missile.
I would not expect to be hit in the face with a bottle if I chose to sit in the store café.
I see a lot of care situations which I do not think can be right but I don't know because I am not in that job.

Raven88 · 30/07/2018 00:12

I don't agree with the mans behaviour but I can see why he got angry. if you are looking after people you need to be aware of the risks. I'm a support worker and one of our responsibilities is to keep the public safe. If a person is know to throw things you have to take steps to minimise risks.

SummerIsEasy · 30/07/2018 00:17

witch

My elderly Mother takes warfarin and having a bottle thrown at her face would cause dreadful bruising. People of all ages have disabilities, not always easily apparent, but they still have the right to go out.

For all we know the wife if the man who reacted so aggressively, may have been the carer for a wife with dementia.

IceCreamFace · 30/07/2018 00:17

What if it had been a cup of hot coffee straight into a baby’s face?

Well obviously the carers wouldn't have given them a mug of hot coffee would they?!

IceCreamFace · 30/07/2018 00:19

I once got a quite hard wooden toy thrown at me by a toddler mid tantrum on an aeroplane (it could have actually done some damage had it got my eye as it was I got an impressive looking gash) should toddlers be banned from public places too?

IamXXHearMeRoar · 30/07/2018 00:21

I can hardly believe how many excuses for disablism are on this thread, it is a hate crime, end of.

Purpleartichoke · 30/07/2018 00:26

The kids were not properly supervised. It sounds like it wasn’t the first time the bottle was thrown in the air. It should not have happened more than once. So yes, the kids didn’t belong there, not because they are disabled, but because their caregivers are incompetent.

This is no different than when a kid is causing problems over and over again on a playground and then the parent acts shocked when another kid gets hurt. We were all there cringing and worrying that something bad was going to happen, and wondering why on earth the parents aren’t actually parenting.

IamXXHearMeRoar · 30/07/2018 00:28

for Purpleartichoke

manaftermidnight · 30/07/2018 00:36

What if it had been a cup of hot coffee straight into a baby’s face?

What if it had been a horn of molten lava into the eye of an orphan with rickets? FFS.

FrauNeuer · 30/07/2018 00:44

YABU for getting involved, OP. Not your argument.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect to go out for a coffee and not be physically assaulted - I’d be annoyed too. The cafe is not the right place for these kids if their behaviour can’t be guaranteed.

fleshmarketclose your dad sounds like a real loser throwing his weight around. Not cool.

MarthaArthur · 30/07/2018 00:52

So him and his wife had a shock, his wife was hurt and you sound awful trying to minimise her pain by suggesting it was only her cheek. You have no idea about their lives. I have been injured by a bottle being thrown at my face it fucking hurts.

And yes the children were badly supervised. I used to care for adults with dementia and other challenging needs and we never let them be in a situation where an incident like this could happen. I could forgive him for this. Its not as if he called them nasty names. People sometimes yell when they are in shock.

nethun1 · 30/07/2018 00:55

These replies!

She might have had a brain tumour? Jesus Christ. MN at its finest.

He was out of order OP. There's a lot of intolerant people around (see comments above)

Get a grip you lot

InsomniacAnonymous · 30/07/2018 01:22

Glass or plastic bottle OP?

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