For thinking that this man should be banned from the shop forever?

[Ilovemuesli]

Hi,
So the following happened this morning and I am still in disbelief about it - and wholly disgusted with this man's attitude.

I was sitting in the cafe of a well-known supermarket with a couple of friends and my two month old DD. On the table in front of us were two girls, probably around 19/20 yrs old. They were caring for two boys who were about 9/10 years old and were obviously disabled - in wheelchairs e.t.c. The girls also had some jackets on with a charity logo printed on the back. Across the aisle from their table was a man and his wife having breakfast/coffee.

At one point one of the boys threw his bottle of pop in the air and it unfortunately hit the man's wife in her face. One of the girls immediately stood up to apologise, but the man started ranting and raving, swearing at the two girls who were looking after these boys and shouting at full volume that the children "should be made to leave" and that "they don't belong here". It was very upsetting for the poor children - it took a long time after the man had eventually left for the girls to calm the children down - the boy who threw the pop was particularly distressed.

The cafe assistant fetched the manager who took them aside for a private word then came to see the two girls and apologised, also saying that the wife had asked for a first aider but other than that there was nothing they could do for a genuine accident.

AIBU to still be outraged at this man's behaviour? In my opinion he should be banned from ever entering the shop again - I haven't really described everything he was shouting at them - and also me when I told him he should be ashamed of himself and his behaviour (I may have called him ignorant) It was clear that it was an accident, while I understand it won't have been nice to have had a bottle of pop hit you in the face, but demanding that the children be removed and that they don't belong in the same place as everyone else? In my opinion - he is an absolute disgraceful/disgusting human being. How dare he say that those children shouldn't be allowed in there? It was blatantly obvious that they were disabled and needed extra care, and the girl/carer had tried to apologise straightaway, but the language, the volume and the content of what he was saying is still making my blood boil nearly 11 hours later !

Sorry for the rant! Please tell me if I'm overreacting (!)

Well i’ve been hit a lot by disabled people - some a lot larger than me - and never felt the need to scream and shout abuse or carry on like an out of control bully. It’s not actually that difficult - if we’re talking risks I would say he poses the bigger risk to society (men who can’t control their tempers cause more damage than disabled children).

Agreed Devilish

To all the people saying they were not properly supervised - stop being so ridiculous! It may well have been a one off unpredictable event. I am sure now that it has happened it will be added to the risk assessment and they will do what they can to avoid it. Children do unpredictable things, especially children with disabilities. Yes it is awful to be hit in the face with a plastic bottle. Yes I would have been unhappy but I would have understood it was an accident and not an on purpose assault. I would not start abusing carers and chldren with disabilities because I had been hurt.

I also love how people jump in to say it isn't the right place for them. It is very hard to know where is the right place for people with disabilities that challenge, unless people actuallymean they should be out of sight or in places where only other disabled people are.

Non of my family or extended family (in various states of health) would rage and see red if one of us was hit by a half full bottle of squash. We would be be shocked yes and then immediately care for the injured person. We would accept the apology and talk with the staff/children amnowledging that it was an accident.

Cansu - don't call us ridiculous. You're reacting emotionally - which is what that man did. Carers do an impossible, often thankless job - without them, society would fall apart. But let's not insult their intelligence - those two carers with hindsight probably agree that, as children are (as you say) unpredictable, particularly children (as you say) with disabilities, then having projectiles within arms reach was a mistake.

But also well done op. Can you email the store and express your concern about the raging disablist comments. It sounds like cafe staff might benefit from some support in dealing with situations.

Can’t believe a lot of these posts. There was no violence ffs. It was an accident these things happen in a flash. Op said nothing to suggest the careers were not looking after the children. Both my dh and I have worked in this capacity in the past it is same hard. You can write a ten page risk assessment and still these things can happen. I think the fact that the wife said nothing while the husband went into a rage shows the type of bullying prick he is. I think the wife stayed quiet as she knows him and the type of person he is. All these people defending him on here is why he gets away with it and will never. Disgusting.

I am amazed by this thread. Accidents happen. Sometimes people pull out in front of you in the car without looking properly, sometimes kids get bumped by someone running past, sometimes people stop walking in the street, sometimes people with disabilities might make unexpected movements (because they have less control) and this causes and accident such as this. We can't be on it all the time. The way people respond to accidents such as this is such a reflection of them as a person.

The socially enhancing way to deal with it is gracefully, whilst saying 'owww' - I'm sure the carers would have been very sorry, as was the boy, and would have apologized. It's not nice to be subject to an accidental injury and it undoubtedly hurt, but it's part of life in public to sometimes unexpectedly have something happen to you. I've been hit by a ball in a field, tripped up by people- this is just life, not something you need to start banning disabled people from cafes for!

I don't even think it's about disability, it's about general intolerance of others. I stopped in the street a while back to wait to queue for my bank, the person behind me wasn't aware I was going to do this (no indicators like on a car!) and he shouted at me 'fucking hell' and stropped off with his poor girlfriend/wife and small child in tow. In a busy city, people might stop. The world becomes a worse place if we start thinking of our 'rights' to walk fast and that anyone stopping or walking slowly is deliberately impeding us!

Once you start down the 'right' not to be injured, it might then be argued that people who are more delicate than others shouldn't go out in public. Intolerance breeds intolerance.

Luckily I have only had one or two bad experiences, and mostly people are helpful, I traveled recently with a very heavy suitcase and lots of people offered to help me and no-one sighed as I held up the train trying to get on and off. Most people are nice and the world does work better if everyone can try to be a bit tolerant, and that might include if a disabled person accidentally injures you. Fine to have a moment of anger, not fine to start ranting and refuse to accept an apology.

lets hope it’s was a knee jerk reaction and he’ll think about what he said

Happygoldfinch calling a drink a projectile is ridiculous and emotive. Would people be reacting in the same way if this was a toddler?

There was no need for the bloke to go off on one. He didn't get hit by the bottle, his wife/sister/whoever did. She could have made a comment if it hurt, but as ever the big man has to have his say.

devilish you clearly have far too much time on your hands. Also, yes, being hit by a bottle, therefore being caused unwanted physical pain, is assault. English is also my second language...

cansu yes, if a toddler threw something that hit me in the face, I would be furious because I would (correctly) assume that the parent wasn’t executing their responsibilities and wasn’t supervising the child.

Oh for gods sake some people are ridiculous. Anger is a normal response to shock as is screaming and shouting or freezing or shaking or crying or feeling numb. Stop judging a man in shock worroed about his wife. They went out minding their own business and she ended up hurt and needing assistance. Thats enough to shock anyone. And it matters not one jot what YOU would have done, everyone reacts to shock differently. That does not make someone a bad person or intolerant.

@Devilishpyjamas

"they" are people who pose a risk to others.

@FrauNeuer you would have a go at a mum with a toddler? These things can happen in the blink of an eye, you can be looking after your toddler turn to pick something up and they can do it in those split seconds your back is turned, it didn't mean you aren't doing your job and looking after them. It is intolerant people like you that cause some mum's to lock themselves in the house to the detriment of their mental health and their child's development.
Just because this happened doesn't mean the carers weren't looking after the boys, my brother is 40 and has the limb control of a 10 month old baby, so should be not be allowed out in public so that people like you don't have to see him? Should he be hidden away? The answer is no.
I can't believe people's reactions, these girls are doing a difficult job, the boys should not be shut up and are allowed out the same as anyone and deserve not to have abuse shouted at them.

Would people be banging on about violence if 2 year old threw something wildly that accidently hit someone. No they bloody wouldn't.
Ds has thrown his lidded cup across cafes a few times. Not because he is aiming at anyone but because he sometimes throws things and it can happen in a split second.
He has also done things when out with the highly experienced staff at his specialist school.
Things happen. Those of you banging on about violence get a bloody grip.

I wouldn't be pleased at being hit with a bottle, but any nt DC could throw something, a stroppy 4yo, a curious toddler, even teens mucking about. The reaction here was unnecessary over kill.

Obviously he was angry and overreacted, but that poor woman could have been seriously hurt - if the carers can’t manage the behaviour appropriately then perhaps a public cafe isn’t the best place for them.

Do parents keep NT children out of public spaces because they might do something? Because they all might do something. They are also more likely to become the adults that mug old ladies in the street, deal drugs and rape women.My cup throwing son won't be doing any of those things.

Not that there is much point in discussing things with an obvious disablist.

Just so shocked at some of these responses-it's 2018 ffs - the themes of disabled people not being allowed out on this thread once they have thrown a bottle is just awful and shocking!

So if a disabled adult has a meltdown and punchs someone / serious injures someone it is simply an accident and they person with the disability has the right to be there even though their disability can mean they are very violent for very very minor things.

My uncle has a condistion were if it is triggered (triggers are very very vaired and near impossible to stop) He is 6ft 1 and the last time he was out in public with 2 careers he had a melt down and injuried 5 members of the public 1 was hospitalized he is know looked after in a secured home were he can hurt no one else its not a punishment but a safety percaution.

Should the people who were injured just suck it up and deal with it? or were they wrong in suing the careers agency for failing to prevent this inicdent (the person in hospital had life altering injuries).

What i am meaning to say is if the careers were not aduqualty supervising (allowing them to throw things is not adquality supervising) What if they throw a knife or a fork and it hit someone in the eye? or even if the bottle hit an eye it could permenitly blind someone yet its a accident.

Yes the disabled person should not be legally punished but if there disability means that they can injury members of the public should that not be managed properly?

The devil will be in the detail there Woburn, if your uncle was out with 2:1 he was presumably already assessed as being a very high risk and if even with that he hurt 5 people that sounds like an extraordinary situation, which has little relevance or bearing to the OPs description.

This thread illustrates perfectly the attitudes many people have towards those with learning difficulties. The basic position is that people with disabilities are OK out in public unless they have any challenging behaviour. If they have challenging behaviour, those looking after them should be able to read their minds and anticipate like some kind of psychic what may happen or alternatively the disabled people should be confined to places where they can be kept apart from the public. As someone upthread said 'they should not be in a public cafe'. It is hard to know where one might find a non public cafe other than perhaps my own kitchen which is possibly what is being suggested. Many of the people who have posted such shocking crap will not change their minds one bit until and only until they have experienced having a family member with these kinds of disabilities.