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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Mil keeps asking and asking

892 replies

Stormi12 · 27/07/2018 07:07

Mil has recently been begging to provide full time child care when I go back to work and even suggested she and fil take my 6 month old out by themselves. I do not like them. I do not want them around my child. Why on earth they think I’d let them take the baby out is beyond me.

Aibu to keep visits as a family as opposed to providing alone time?

OP posts:
overmydeadbody · 27/07/2018 07:08

Why don't you like them?

Rockandrollwithit · 27/07/2018 07:08

Just say "thank you but we have already sorted out childcare".

Angrybird345 · 27/07/2018 07:09

Of course not. What plans do you have in place?

SugarIsAmazing · 27/07/2018 07:13

Mumsnet - where mother in laws are hated!

Watch out mothers of boys, you'll have daughters in law who hate you.

Original poster
Stormi12 · 27/07/2018 07:13

I don’t like how overly involved they are in their adult children’s business. Mil is a guilt tripper and constantly tries to guilt my husband into things (babysitting, vacationing together, visiting grandma etc). Mil thinks she is the quintessential mother and I am certain would do things to piss me off (like kiss baby on the lips, bathe him, take him to visit all her friends)

And not to mention sil is always there and the thought of her alone with my baby makes me stabby. She is a selfish entitled brat who cries to get her way.

The asking to babysit just gets so tiresome!

OP posts:
InfiniteSheldon · 27/07/2018 07:13

I hope your beloved child is a bit nicer to you when you're a grandparent

skippy67 · 27/07/2018 07:15

Just say no then. Woman up.

Bluelady · 27/07/2018 07:17

So no reason except that you dislike her.

Hassled · 27/07/2018 07:18

Fair enough if you don't want her to provide full time childcare - I get that. But you have to remember that this woman raised someone you love, you have that love for him in common, and she's not going anywhere - she'll be part of your child's life for years. Life will be so much easier for you all if you can see her positives, and accept that she's not someone you'd choose to have in your life but that you have to accommodate to a certain extent.

Redteapot67 · 27/07/2018 07:18

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longwayoff · 27/07/2018 07:19

Absolutely sheldon. Bloody hell, glad I'm not the mil. Or the husband. Or the sprog.

WildImaginings · 27/07/2018 07:19

You don't sound very pleasant.

Original poster
Stormi12 · 27/07/2018 07:19

Skippy. I do say no! She’s honing in on my husband now and he’s down with our daycare plan and has said no. But there she goes asking again and again expecting him to crack!

Sugar is amazing. I don’t plan on being an overbearing guilt tripper. Nor am I entitled to anything related to any future grandkids. I will ask permission to do things and not force my adult kids into anything. My mil gets kept at arms length because she hasn’t learned to respect boundaries.

OP posts:
Chottie · 27/07/2018 07:19

Your child
Your choice

Just say thanks, but no thanks. If she keeps on, just say please, don't keep asking, we've made our decision already.

Urbanbeetler · 27/07/2018 07:20

Other than the kissing on th lips, I don’t understand what is wrong with the things she’d like to do ?

You sound actually jealous.

supercalifragilistic2 · 27/07/2018 07:20

Why can't she kiss him, bathe him or take him to see her friends?

If you don't want her to look after him, just say. Your a grown adult with a child.

Beeperbird · 27/07/2018 07:21

Free childcare is a massive thing (have you seen the cost of nurseries / childminders?!) so make sure you’re certain before saying no. But who looks after your child is definitely up to you and your OH. What does your DH think?

Lipsticktraces · 27/07/2018 07:21

You sound a delight opConfused

Belleende · 27/07/2018 07:22

Your reasons sound pretty weak tbh. Just beware there will be occasions when you will be desperate for childcare, and you may find that you have cut off your nose to spite your face..

GrannyHaddock · 27/07/2018 07:23

I'm reminded of the many posts I see here from mums struggling and desperate for help and no family nearby.

Chrisinthemorning · 27/07/2018 07:23

I feel a little sorry for her. That said, full time childcare would be a lot. Why not ask her to have him a day a week? One day less to pay for, they get time together and it will annoy you less if only once a week. Say you want him in nursery to socialise with othe children but one granny day will be nice for him.

Original poster
Stormi12 · 27/07/2018 07:23

If I let her take the baby once, she will ask again and again. I’d much rather visit with my husband and baby together rather than give her alone time

She has a stroller crib high chair etc all waiting to be used. We didn’t ask her to buy these she just thought we’d accept her childcare offer.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/07/2018 07:23

You don't come across that great yourself OP tbf.

SugarIsAmazing · 27/07/2018 07:24

What a nasty Mil, fancy wanting to show him affection, keep him clean and show him off to her friends Confused

Mossend · 27/07/2018 07:25

How old is your child op?