Mil keeps asking and asking

[Stormi12]

Mil has recently been begging to provide full time child care when I go back to work and even suggested she and fil take my 6 month old out by themselves. I do not like them. I do not want them around my child. Why on earth they think I’d let them take the baby out is beyond me.

Aibu to keep visits as a family as opposed to providing alone time?

Supercali. I do say no! But she keeps pestering! Always texting me about leaving baby with her. I’ve told her if I need a sitter I’ll let her know but that hasn’t stopped the messages

Beeperbird. Dh is on board with full time care. He doesn’t want problems to arise and knows his mom can be overbearing intrusive and guilt trippy.

Your comments sound quite nasty and ungrateful OP. What’s wrong with letting her have some 1:1 time with her grandchild. Only letting her see the baby when both parents are there sounds ridiculously over the top. So many parents would be so grateful for an interested helpful grandparent. You have no idea!

YANBU regarding full time child care as that is a very big commitment and requires a lot of trust from you.

However I think you are very unreasonable to say they're never allowed to have your child without you being there. It doesn't sound like they are abusive or neglectful, just that you dislike them. I don't see why bathing the baby or taking him to visit her friends is such a big problem.

What do you think is going to happen if you let them look after him for the afternoon? Worst case scenario that you can actually imagine happening?

Sorry just saw he's 6 months.
I think you might be in for a shocker because there may be a time when you are absolutely desperate for childcare and I really hope your mil tells you to get stuffed.
You sound awful

The more I read MN and threads about MILs the more I thank god for my DIL. She's an actual gem.

Mossend. My baby is half a year old this month

I live in a different country to the rest of my family (partner is in the same situation) so it's just the four of us. My husband's parents are dead - I dream about having a MIL but I'll never have that and my babies won't know their paternal grandparents. It's all about perspective, I suppose. I know you don't like them OP and you are the child's mother so you can politely turn them down but free childcare sounds wonderful (another thing I dream about!) If they disliked you they wouldn't make such a kind offer.

Christ, on these mil threads, the dil usually make an attempt not to appear like bitches themselves. Not so much on this one....

Apart from kissing on the lips, I can’t see why you dislike her so much from your posts.
Saying you feel stabby st the thought of her & your SIL being alone with your baby is unusual- you send very jealous, why is that?
Buying baby stuff to have at her house - what an absolute bitch!!

My mom is his back up child minder. No boundary issues there. And any time one does pop up we discuss and resolve. No guilt trips.

This isn't real. Half a year! Ok op

Could you explain exactly what is wrong with granny giving baby a bath???

What's wrong with her bathing the baby or taking him to see her friends?

It sounds like your only reasons come down to you not liking her. If that's the case then fine, you can still decide not to let her look after him. It's totally your decision and you don't have to justify it. But make sure you're confident it's the best thing for your baby to be in day care rather than with one adult who loves him and solely looks after him. And if it's the best thing for you to pay for a service which could be free.

You sound like my friends wife. She doesn't like his family and having a baby thrilled her as she used the baby to express her dislike. He divorced her (for many reasons) and she now has no influence whatsoever over how his family spend time with the DC when they're with him..

"You don't come across that great yourself OP tbf."

^ this

You haven't managed to come up with anything that she does that makes her sound like anything other than an excited (maybe a bit overenthusiastic) doting granny.

It is you that is not coming off well. It sounds a bit odd to be so against two people (mil and fil) who have way more childcare experience than you even taking a 6mo out without you. Are you OK?

So if left in charge of the baby, your MIL would keep him clean, show him affection and take him out places?! WHAT A CUNT.

OP you are the one who comes across as unpleasant, not your MIL. It matters not one shiny shit if you like her or not, she is your baby’ grandmother. You don’t have to let her do your childcare, but you can’t withold a living grandparent from your hike just because you don’t like her. Try to stop being so spiteful and thinking of yourself and actually put your baby first. Your baby would benefit from close relationships from those that love them so if the worst you can come up with is that she might give him a wash, get over yourself!

Arrrggghh stupid autocorrect!! **You cannot withold a loving grandparent from our child

I hope my son makes a better choice of wife than your husband has.
She wants to bathe and socialise him? What a monster.

She has talked about bathing him for “fun” as she misses doing that for her grown kids.

I’m sorry but that is weird. He gets a bath every other night at home. He doesn’t need one for fun.

Not liking somebody is enough reason to not leave your child with them. You’re married to her son, and he is in agreement with you on the way your child is being brought up and looked after.

Visit as a family, remain polite, live your lives. If she keeps pushing just remind her that as a family it doesn’t work for you.

There’s no need for vitriol on any side, and you certainly don’t have to justify your decisions. It’s actually refreshing for someone to just outright say they don’t like somebody without trying to fabricate complex reasons.

Mumsnet - where mother in laws are hated

I didn't hate my MIl, which is why I never had to post a thread about her. No one posts threads to say, "AIBU had my lovely mil round for a cup of tea, then we had some biscuits, she played with the baby, and went home". Why woudl anyone post about a normal interaction?

There are just as many posts about friends, and mothers and husbands too. Does everyone also hate their friends?

Just remember you may well be a MIL in years to come if your DS marries. Since he will learn from you that it is ok to treat relatives with contempt, don’t be surprised if the same happens to you.

And so it continues throughout the World. Wife does not like MIL.

Grandparents play a big part in any child's life in my view. As a parent I was pleased that child had grandparents that lived close by. Whenever we wanted time together they were always there to look after our child. As I am only child myself my son was only grandchild my parents had.

Did my mother poker her nose in once too often? According to my father yes. According to wife (before divorce) no.

After divorce things changed instantly. Son seldom sees his grandparents unless it suits his mother's needs such as night out with friends or holiday abroad.

At one point ex was paying more in child care costs than she earned!