To ask if your child gets invited to the cinema, you should pay for the ticket?

[sissy89]

Just wondering really....

Dh had planned to take his teenage daughter (my step daughter) out for tea and the cinema last night.

The other day she text Dh and asked if she could bring a friend along.

Dh replied with 'that's fine as long as she clears it with her parents and she can pay for herself'

Not meaning to be tight but money is tight for us right now dh was paying for it all with some cash he has and wouldn't have enough to pay for an extra person.

Dsd replied saying she was currently at that particular friends house and her mum said it was fine and thanked Dh for taking her etc.

Anyway they went last night and dh rang me later that night to say he was on his way home and they had a great time but the friend had brought no money with her so Dh paid for it all on the bank card.

Now I'm not saying anyone is to blame to be honest. Dh really should of had a chat with the mother to make sure she knew that she was more than welcome to come but he couldn't pay for her. Instead of relying on dsd to pass it on. My feeling is dsd never actually said that she would have to pay for herself.

However.....is that what happens these days? I know when I used to get invited out as a child, my mum would always give me the money for it to pay for myself. Sometimes the parents would take it and sometimes they wouldn't.

I'm a few years off this yet with my dcs, but again, I'd never expect another parent to pay for them when taking them out. I'd always make sure they had enough money to cover the cost.

Dh really should of just said no to begin with so it's a lesson learnt really.

But it just got me thinking, if your child gets invited to the cinema or whatever activity....do you pay for it or is it expected that the other parent pays as they invited the child?

Then dh should have made it clear to the child’s parent

An invite means you pay for the person you invite. I would find it bizarre if my child went to cinema with a friend and family and I had to pay. I would also never charge or mention if if I was taking a friend

When we invite another child to come with us to the cinema or to an event, I usually always assume we'll pay (and often it doesn't cost us any more on a family ticket). If we don't expect to pay, I make sure the other parent knows what the ticket will cost and is happy to pay.

Around here no one lets you pay unless it's a birthday party I suppose. Folk always pay for own child & seem affronted if the inviters offer to pay.

I would always offer money but its never been taken. Same as if I were to invite a child out I would always pay and refuse money that was offered. I probably wouldn’t offer to take them if I couldn’t afford to cover the cost, I would just have them over to stay and do them a movie night or something at home

Don't worry OP. Not sure why some responders are being so forcefully opposed to you and your DP. I think he was completely in the right. He wasn't expecting the friend and you can't afford it. It's not unreasonable to ask her to pay for herself. DD is 17 and she has been invited out with friends who could not afford to pay for everyone before, so we gave her money, or she paid herself. We would've offered anyway, not expecting it to be refused. And in the end you ended up paying! No 'crime' committed. Don't worry, you would have been being perfectly reasonable anyway.

Interesting, my dc are young so If I'm taking their friend with us then we pay as WE have invited them.

At a teen age though, it's the kids inviting their friends so I'd expect the friend to pay for themselves.

Will see if it works out that way though, lol!

Metoodear
I would have thought the mother invited your ds on the understanding he’d pay his way. Whereas you thought your ds would be paid for. That’s miscommunication, surely?

Op YANBU. What reason does your dsd give for the mother not giving her friend any money?

If my child was invited by another parent/family I wouldn’t insult them by sending him with money.

Generally etiquette is that the inviting parent pays.

It seems like there was some miscommunication here. I would say in future, only invite friends to activities where you can afford to pay for them. It saves any awkward discussions about who is paying. I understand you saying that technically, this friend wasn't invited, but I think that detail was lost in communication.

I always send dd with money if invited out (and, let's be clear, in this case because the father was there, it substantially changes things from just two teens going to the cinema) I would be rather peeved if a parent accepted money for an activity. It's just not done .

The OP says: Dh really should of had a chat with the mother to make sure she knew that she was more than welcome to come but he couldn't pay for her. . Er, no, no, no. Just stick to dh and the dd if you are that skint. Imagine standing there telling someone about your financial business!

This reminds me of the time I went to stay at a girl from schools house and her mum didn't bother waking us up for school, we were only about 11 and it was a really anticipated fun day, like a dress up day or something. Talk about different etiquette amongst families needless to say my mum never let me back.

I haven’t read all replies. But I think if it’s just a normal day out then the other parent should have offered to pay. But obviously if it’s a party trip then the host would pay (I know this wasn’t the case)

I can't understand this because my own dad, even though he doesn't have a lot would be mortified if I invited a friend and they tried to pay themselves. And vice versa I would always have money on me as a teenager but it was an unwritten rule that if parents are there they cover (or cover most)

I would always pay for my DC's friend. It would be awkward not too. If you are just giving two teenagers a lift to the cinema the you don't have to but if you are actually going with them it is quite mean. If someone was taking my DC, I would always offer the money but I have never been expected to pay.

There is a difference between hosting an event and inviting someone to join you. If you are hosting someone then you are responsible for paying but if you invite someone to join you then everyone is responsible for paying their own way.

In a case of inviting someone on an outing I would expect to pay for any children who were my DD's guests (e.g. for a birthday party). If however we were going somewhere and DDs friends were also planning to be at the same place and we arranged to be there at the same time (and it just so happened that I was the parent accompanying/driving them) I would expect all of them to pay for themselves and the "invite" would be explicitly stated as such (e.g. "DD and I are going to the cinema to see The Incredibles 2. I know Jane and Johnny wanted to see it too. Tickets cost £X for X showing so if you want to meet us there we could see it together at X time or you can leave them with me if you dont want to pay for an extra ticket to a movie you aren't interested in.")

In this case I would class this as the second scenario so would expect the DDs friend to pay for herself. The OPs DH did not invite his DDs friend nor did he agree to "host" the friend, his DD asked if she could tag along to their arrangement and he agreed but made it clear she had to pay for herself. YANBU to expect that the DD pass that message on and only invite her friend on those terms.

I think your DSD was too embarrassed or too disorganised to raise the money issue with her friend and the friend's parents. Your DH told her what the plan was. He should pull her up on that. If she can't be relied on, next time he can either decline to take any friends along at all, or else communicate directly with the friend or friend's parents himself.

Among the people I know, there is no clear "done thing" in such a case, so we would always clarify it. For instance, if inviting you could say, "I'll pick her up at 2pm. A teen cinema ticket costs £5 and the food should come in at around £6." If being invited, either send the child with some money and instructions to try to pay their way, or else say, "Hmm that could be fun - how much do the tickets cost?" to prompt the other parents to make it clear who's paying.

If her friend had asked to come along with them she should have paid her own ticket,
if your daughter didnt pass on the message from your husband then i'd say it was a one off and they pay for themselves next time

Cinema tickets etc are a bit expensive to be expected to pay for others when their parents had probably gave them money to pay for it and their snacks ..

Slightly different but last year we organised a trip to a one day festival and invited both our son's girlfriends. They both said yes. The eldest GF was 18 and has a good part time job but i was a little bit miffed that she didn't offer a penny towards the day (or even offer to buy us a drink). If it was one of my kids I would have expected them to. We paid for travel there and back, festival tickets, lunch, drinks, and a takeaway when we got home.

With DS2s GF I didn't mind because we pay for things for her and her parents pay for meals out, takeaways and activities for our DS.

It’s a tough one. If ever I invited my kid’s friends along to tea, I would provide for them, and if that tea was a MacDonald’s or fast food, then as I’d invited them, I’d happily pay.

Same with birthday outings, if it was my child’s birthday, I would expect to pay for their friends, be it bowling, fairground, fast food etc etc.

Two years ago, my daughter was asked to go to crete with her friend and the friend’s parents, but we’d have to pay for her flights and spends. So we agreed. Then when it came time to book, we suddenly had a hotel to shell out for because they were stopping off in Edinburgh for two days 😳 then they added a percentage of the accommodation costs - even though they were staying in a rented cottage that slept 5 people for the same price, and having my daughter there made no difference to that price, then they asked for a contribution to the food for the week and finally added the costs for transport. (And spends)

It left us practically destitute but as we’d already said yes, we couldn’t back out.

One year, Dd was invited to a child’s party at a play centre. All paid for by birthday girl's parents. Ds was 9 at the time, a little too old for play centres. As I had no one to look after him, I took him along with his reading book so that he could sit with me in the cafe area while Dd partied. They wouldn’t let him in. My choices were to 1) lock him in the car, 2) sit with him in the car, 3) pay full price entry for him even though he would be spending the time sat at a table reading a book. 4) take Dd out of the party and go home.

I paid the money and he sat with me reading a book. Was ridiculous.

If I am taking and invited them then I always pay.

Who wouldn’t let him in, Favenumber? If you mean the play centre; why would they allow a child a free pass just because they’ve brought a book with them?!
And if you expected the party host to pay for an uninvited sibling, same thing.

The Crete one is a full on pisstake, though, that’s appalling behaviour on their part.

FaveNumberIs2 - you were out of order there. What if everyone said, "Oh, he'll just sit and read a book" ? What if your ds had fancied a go in the ball pit? Would you have stopped him?

I've just remembered that last year I received a text from a mother of a friend of dd's. She invited dd to Thorpe Park for this girl's birthday, but said dd would have to buy her own ticket as they had a Merlin Pass for themselves. Well, in my opinion that's not a birthday invitation! I declined on dd's behalf. If you are inviting someone then you pay; if you can't then organise a cheaper treat.

Had the trip been cooked up by the girls themselves then of course each pays their own way. (Still wouldn't have been allowed to go, though!)