To ask if your child gets invited to the cinema, you should pay for the ticket?

[sissy89]

Just wondering really....

Dh had planned to take his teenage daughter (my step daughter) out for tea and the cinema last night.

The other day she text Dh and asked if she could bring a friend along.

Dh replied with 'that's fine as long as she clears it with her parents and she can pay for herself'

Not meaning to be tight but money is tight for us right now dh was paying for it all with some cash he has and wouldn't have enough to pay for an extra person.

Dsd replied saying she was currently at that particular friends house and her mum said it was fine and thanked Dh for taking her etc.

Anyway they went last night and dh rang me later that night to say he was on his way home and they had a great time but the friend had brought no money with her so Dh paid for it all on the bank card.

Now I'm not saying anyone is to blame to be honest. Dh really should of had a chat with the mother to make sure she knew that she was more than welcome to come but he couldn't pay for her. Instead of relying on dsd to pass it on. My feeling is dsd never actually said that she would have to pay for herself.

However.....is that what happens these days? I know when I used to get invited out as a child, my mum would always give me the money for it to pay for myself. Sometimes the parents would take it and sometimes they wouldn't.

I'm a few years off this yet with my dcs, but again, I'd never expect another parent to pay for them when taking them out. I'd always make sure they had enough money to cover the cost.

Dh really should of just said no to begin with so it's a lesson learnt really.

But it just got me thinking, if your child gets invited to the cinema or whatever activity....do you pay for it or is it expected that the other parent pays as they invited the child?

If parent invites and attends, then they pay for all, including invited guests. If teens arrange it amongst themselves, and no parent is staying, the teens each pay for themselves.

I'd die if embarrassment paying for myself and my child, and expecting an invited teen to pay for their own ticket. In this situation, if you can't afford to pay for the extra ticket, then don't invite someone along!

You invite, you pay.

(Maybe a child might bring money, it should IMO be declined. They could buy popcorn for everyone if they insisted. Like giving flowers or wine when invited to dinner).

But, dcs arrange between themselves, they each bring money.

So the issue here is the dcs being on the cusp of independence but not yet there. So it was an invitation to 'come with dsd and her dad'. Not a 'do you want to go with me' arrangement with the friend.

If dd is invited, I always give her money to pay for herself, but invariably, she comes back saying they wouldn't accept anything.

If we invite, we pay.

Around here, with teens, it seems that the general rule is that everyone pays for themselves if the teens are just going out on their own, but if a parent is "taking" them (i.e. accompanying them, not just providing transport), then it's a treat and the inviting parent pays.

Etiquette here is if you invite you pay. I have been offered/have offered money towards big days put like zoo or theme park but it's not taken up.

I wouldn't send money as they then tend to loose it it's extra hassle for host to worry about.

When you are just a 'taxi' service they tend to pay themselves.

I think it's like playdate/party etiquette and can vary locally/between schools but that's how it is here.

Anyone can decide to go to the cinema anytime they like on their own tab.
Why would you “invite” someone (and a child at that) and expect them to pay for themselves?
If he literally couldn’t afford an extra ticket he had no business telling his dd she could bring a friend
I hope he didn’t ask her for the money?!

If I offer to take I pay, if money is offered I decline saying, " you take them next time"
If someone offers to take ds then i always offer money - again this is rarely taken.
I see it as me taking a friend for DS is doing me and him a favour and therefore I will cover any costs.

I would pay for the friend and refuse money if offered, to be honest.

I usually send dcs with money but it’s never been used for a ticket. Sometimes I suggest they buy a treat for sharing instead if refused for the ticket.

I think it’s important that the friend feels welcome: it’s nice that dsd has a friend to bring. Probably worth a financial hit.

If money is really tight, then maybe DH could take them for tea and drop/collect at the pictures next time.

I think dsd didn't pass on the message because she knows the etiquette and it would have been embarrassing for her. Please don't put her in this position again, it's not nice.

I always give DC money If they are going out.
The unwritten rule seems to be as follows:
If teens are being dropped off somewhere and they are on their own, they both pay for themselves with whatever money they have been given.
If they are going out with the friend AND the friend's parents, the parent usually pays for everyone.
In return, If I take DD's friends anywhere, I always pay for them both. Cinema, lunch whatever - regardless of whether the friend has money themselves.

The only exception is one friend of DD's. Her Mum isn't short of money but whilst they have (in the past) accepted my hospitality, never reciprocate. When DD goes out with them, DD pays for everything herself. Even down to splitting the bill 5/1 when DD joined the 5 of them for a family meal out.
Needless to say, this family now get sweet FA from us!

@mrsm43s the point is, dh didn't invite. He should of said no really but didn't want to let dsd down. He did make it clear that she was welcome to bring a friend but he couldn't afford to pay for her. Which in all honesty, made dh feel abit crappy and uncomfortable but that was the way it was.

He shouldn't of relied on dsd passing this message on though - that's where he went wrong

Yes, he should have said 'no'

I also don't think message was passed on how old are they?

Primary aged children I would pay for a guest - but primary age it tends to be parents organising the trip.

Secondary age I would expect the guest to pay for them self, unless the trio was clearly a birthday celebration or something similar.

You pay for a child guest, I wonder if she felt embarrassed she didn't have any money. If they are teenagers and you are just dropping them off they'd pay for themselves unless it was for your DCs birthday etc

@lottiegarbanzo tbh I disagree. I think dsd needs to realise that we cannot afford things all the time. This is a problem that we constantly have. Her mum has money. They are always going on holidays and doing all sorts.

We aren't in that position but dsd seems to think we are and just lately it's been causing some arguments between dsd and dh. She expected us to take her to a theme park the other week because she was bored.

She has to realise that yes with her mum, she is able to go out and do things all the time. That's fine.

But with us, it's a different story. A trip to the cinema is a treat and not something we can do every week.

I agree that dh should of spoken to the mother though. And I think he would of done but then he got the rest back from dsd saying that it was fine for her friend to bring some money so he thought no more of it.

I’m stony broke and I’d give my daughter money to pay for her ticket.

You know, in my view you either discuss with the parent if their child needs to bring money, or you send them with funds to cover their needs.

DD has a friend who’s family view it completely differently, their view is “if they won’t pay for her, they shouldn’t invite her” knowing that their viewpoint is that it would be cheeky fuckery for a parent to assume they’d pay for their own child. It’s a fact that’s driven me mad for months now.

I just don’t understand why parents wouldn’t send their child with the money to pay for their tickets/food if it’s not required at least your child was prepared Incase.

I wonder how it was established that the friend had brought no money with her.
If he asked (and it sounds like he did) it will have been very embarrassing for her.
Very crass, really.

I agree with PP, if you invite DC's friends then you pay, but if they have invited themselves, they (their parents) pay.

Although, personally, I would still offer to pay for my own child, not matter the circumstances.

If my dd was invited somewhere that required paid entry I would send her with the money to pay entry and extra for food etc if needed. Sometimes she has paid but most of the time the other parent pays and she will return with money. I then ALWAYS check with parent and thank them when they confirm they told her they would pay.

If I was taking others dc I would generally pay for them unless it was something that is quite expensive and dd wanted to ask a friend (think theatre ticket), in which case I would say if they needed to pay or not and I would clarify this with parent before hand.

Theatre ticket example, I paid for the other child train ticket and dinner out but parent paid for their theatre ticket as it was £75 and I couldn't afford that much extra. Something like going swimming, i'd just pay for the other dc but would never EXPECT another parent to pay for my dd so she would always have the money with her if I hadn't managed to clarify with parent beforehand.

Dsd is 15. Her friend is in the same year at school so same age.

Like already stated, I agree that dh should of said no. Or he should of contacted the parents himself. However when dsd replied and said it was fine for the child to bring money, he thought no more of it.

Lesson learnt for dh anyway. I just wondered what was the norm in these situations.

It's harder for dh really as like I say, she moved an hour away from us. So he doesn't know any of her friends and definitely not friends parents etc.

So they pay for your dd if they invite her, hungryhippo??

I took DS and his friend to cinema and was paying for both
I had taken sweets with me to save money . DS friend's mum gave him £10 and he offered to pay for his ticket but I declined.. He then bought himself some very expensive snacks and a drink and never offered DS any !

If I invited another kid along, I’d expect to pay for that child. The parents could offer but I wouldn’t accept. Your DSD didn’t make it clear that the friend was expected to pay so this is what happens I’m afraid.

We always pay for guests and refuse any offers from the parents to pay. I like mine having the company.

If you invite you pay.
Usually this is reciprocated- but it doesn’t have to be in financial terms. If I take DS and his mate out, movies, lunch etc. I don’t expect the other family to spend the same when DS visits them. They might go for a fun walk or have beans on toast at home, whatever suits them. I like movies and sushi so when I have extra kids to look after we do do something that I like.