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Original poster

To ask if your child gets invited to the cinema, you should pay for the ticket?

199 replies

sissy89 · 26/07/2018 08:35

Just wondering really....

Dh had planned to take his teenage daughter (my step daughter) out for tea and the cinema last night.

The other day she text Dh and asked if she could bring a friend along.

Dh replied with 'that's fine as long as she clears it with her parents and she can pay for herself'

Not meaning to be tight but money is tight for us right now dh was paying for it all with some cash he has and wouldn't have enough to pay for an extra person.

Dsd replied saying she was currently at that particular friends house and her mum said it was fine and thanked Dh for taking her etc.

Anyway they went last night and dh rang me later that night to say he was on his way home and they had a great time but the friend had brought no money with her so Dh paid for it all on the bank card.

Now I'm not saying anyone is to blame to be honest. Dh really should of had a chat with the mother to make sure she knew that she was more than welcome to come but he couldn't pay for her. Instead of relying on dsd to pass it on. My feeling is dsd never actually said that she would have to pay for herself.

However.....is that what happens these days? I know when I used to get invited out as a child, my mum would always give me the money for it to pay for myself. Sometimes the parents would take it and sometimes they wouldn't.

I'm a few years off this yet with my dcs, but again, I'd never expect another parent to pay for them when taking them out. I'd always make sure they had enough money to cover the cost.

Dh really should of just said no to begin with so it's a lesson learnt really.

But it just got me thinking, if your child gets invited to the cinema or whatever activity....do you pay for it or is it expected that the other parent pays as they invited the child?

OP posts:
Original poster
sissy89 · 26/07/2018 12:09

@lottiegarbanzo read the thread. Dsd replied saying it was fine. You make no sense.

OP posts:
LeighaJ · 26/07/2018 12:15

When I was growing up everyone paid for themselves or their parents rather and the cinema was much more affordable then.

Her parents were cheeky to send her out with no money.

HaveSomeGrace · 26/07/2018 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lottiegarbanzo · 26/07/2018 12:19

I have read the whole thread and given you some really constructive comments, in an effort to hep you.

I was responding to ShumpaLumpa

I have explained upthread why your DSD may have paid lip service to her dad's condition without accepting it, fully believing it or being willing to carry it out. You can't impose an 'understanding' on someone who doesn't really accept it.

Anyway, if you're resorting to personal insults, towards people trying to help you make sense of something you asked us a question about, I'm out.

CeeCeeMacFay · 26/07/2018 14:18

I think you have had abit of a rough ride on this thread. If my ds (16) was invited to the cinema I would make sure he had enough money to buy his own ticket and refreshments. For teenagers it's pretty normal for them to pay for themselves

IrmaFayLear · 26/07/2018 14:35

If this situation were reversed and a poster’s dh was giving them grief because they’d paid for their child’s friend’s ticket, then everyone would be crying that the dh was abusive.

Furthermore has this other child’s parent ever paid for your dsd? Gosh, it would be horrendously bad mannered if they had treated your dsd to the cinema or whatever but then you expected her to pay with your dh.

Mummyschnauzer · 26/07/2018 15:47

If a parent goes with the kids it would be usual for that person to pay but there’s usually the dance of “thanks for taking DD, how much are the tickets?” Reply is Oh don’t worry about it it’s all swings and round about” in reality the offering parent would not expect their offer to be taken up and the other parent would feel bad accepting. But the politeness dance is expected! If the two children were going on their own each child would pay their own way. Thought these were widely accepted norms

LucyFox · 26/07/2018 18:05

I think neds to be put down to lessons learnt but next time:
DSD: “Dad can Susie come too?”
DH: “i’m sorry darling not today because I can’t afford to buy an extra ticket”
DSD: “but she’ll buy her own ticket”
DH: “i don’t want her to be embarrassed about it - I think we’ll leave it this time”
DSD: “pleeeeeeeeeeeese”
DH: “ok, but I will need to speak to her mother about it because I really can’t afford to pay for her today ...”

Bekstar · 27/07/2018 17:43

We would always pay for DS friend if we have offered to take them. Same as most of his friends parents do, I think it's just a given thing round here that if your invited along with a friends parents then parents are the hosts. We often take out my DS friend and wouldn't dream of asking for anything, if we are tight on money we say no and explain its family time or we do something at home.
A few weeks ago I ended up in hospital and DS school friends mum n dad took him home after school as hubby needed to be with me (The school arranged it as an emergency measure with hubbies agreeance). They had him three days, fed him gave him a bed, took them bowling and paid for a school trip and even washed his uniform and when I did offer money after coming out they were quite offended. Pointing out how many times I had taken thier child out and paid. I only really offered because eof the school trip money as it was out of the norm and I hadn't expected them to as school would have let him go anyway and cleared it later. But it did give me one less thing to worry about.

happypoobum · 27/07/2018 17:57

I would always pay to be honest.

I think the issue is, as some PP have said, DH has no idea if DSD friend often invites DSD to things and her parents pay, so it could be seen as reciprocal.

I imagine DSD was too embarrassed to ask/tell her friend she had to pay so just told DH it was all OK to shut him up and get him to agree to it.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 27/07/2018 18:10

It's a tricky one! DD (13) goes out quite a bit with friends' families in the holidays and I always send her with enough money to cover entrance fees, snacks, etc. and let the chaperoning parent know that she's got X amount with her. It's up to them if they ask her to use it.

Most of her friends do the same if they're out with us, but there's one who never seems to bring money with her - and I have to say it's noticeable 'cos she's the only one! I'm pretty sure money isn't tight in their house, so I've no idea why her Mum does this.

I'm organizing a group cinema trip this week (not for a special treat, just so they can all see the film together)- and I'll be sure to specify that I'll book the tickets and everyone can pay me back...otherwise this particular family won't. Hmm

Katedotness1963 · 27/07/2018 18:21

If we invite the boys friends we pay for them. If my boys are invited by someone else I make sure they have money with them just in case.

Abetes · 27/07/2018 18:24

If my dd was going with just with a friend the norm would be for each to pay for their own. If the parent was taking them, the norm would be for the parent to pay and for these things to equal out over time.

middleagedalready · 27/07/2018 18:31

Like previous posters we do the politeness dance of offering to pay and it being refused when our DC are taken out and we do the same with others. But we have the cash for this if you don't then make sure your DC are clear you just can't afford it.

Commonpeoplelikeme · 27/07/2018 18:36

I think the faux pas was on the girlfriends parents end. You should never assume the other parent is going to pay for your child unless specifically told so. In this case you can’t guarantee that his dd told her friend this. But you, as in the friend, should always offer to pay out of politeness. On the other hand who knows whether the Mum gave her the money and she just pocketed it!

Branleuse · 27/07/2018 18:46

the person who does the inviting pays. Sounds like your daughter invited her mate and wasnt straight with her. I dont think the other parents are at fault. I think lesson learned and next time your dd asks, you say no, you cant afford it. Then if she whinges, SHE would then be the one along with her friend to barter it with their mum for payment

Mikklehaha · 27/07/2018 18:46

I would always pay for a guest of my children. If I couldn’t afford it I’d say no to my child. I’d never ask another parent for money other than in exceptional circumstances.
However, once they get to ‘i’m meeting a friend’ age (we’re about there now with my oldest) then they pay for themselves.

Rebecca36 · 27/07/2018 18:50

How much would 'tea' cost anyway? I doubt it was that much, not like a three course meal with drinks. Your husband was right to pay for the girl's tea. You'll get over it.

19lottie82 · 27/07/2018 18:54

If we go on an outing and DSD brings a friend, we pay. They are our guest.
I can’t imagine turning up at the cinema and paying for my family and not the other child.
It just seems really mean and stingy.

I think your DH should have said no rather than expecting the friend to pay.

lily2403 · 27/07/2018 19:02

I always I pay if I have invited dc friends and when my dc Is invites I always make sure she’s has money and I ask too. If they say they pay then I always give money for sweets etc

LookAtIt · 27/07/2018 19:24

We sometimes used to pay and sometimes asked the extra child to pay. Depends on who, what and where. The one thing we did was to be VERY clear what was expected. Just as the OPs partner was. He couldn’t have been more clear and there certainly wasn’t any room for miscommunication from his message. Either the stepdaughter or the friend (or nothing have pulled a fast one.
If my DC were invited out by someone else I used to be careful that I knew what the invitation included.

Metoodear · 27/07/2018 19:25

Nope I had to stop ds knocking about with some boy because of this

First the lady invited him out for the day and didn’t give dd any lunch Confusedthey were out from 10-4

Then after my better judgement allied ds out with them and made ds pay for his own ticket so much so he had to walk home because he had to spend some of his bus fair

We didn’t ask for them to take ds anywhere they offered

this reminds me of the thread years ago someone invited the ops child round for the night they had a takeaway but got the persons child a ready meal for Tesco

Choccywoccyhooha · 27/07/2018 19:26

I would always pay for my child's friend of they were coming with us. But equally I would always give the other parent money if they were taking time out of their day to take my child on a trip.

Commonpeoplelikeme · 27/07/2018 19:32

To everyone suggesting if you invite you pay, then this is a little different. DH was taking his DD to the cinema and she asked if a friend could come along. He said yes but would have to pay for herself. He didn’t say I’m taking you and a friend out to the cinema. The DD invited her - not the DH. At the end of the day I wouldn’t make an issue of it but would expect the DH to clarify with his DD if she did pass on the she must pay request!

dustarr73 · 27/07/2018 19:32

She was at the friends house, maybe there regularly, eating their food (takeaways perhaps?) and using their facilities - as a parent I would offer to pay but would really expect the inviter to do the paying.

You dont know this.And in fairness if the invitee pays then that should be dsd.

The dad did not invite the friend.
And the friebd was supposed to be sent with money.Maybe she was, maybe she wasnt.But smells like a cf to me.

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