To ask if your child gets invited to the cinema, you should pay for the ticket?

[sissy89]

Just wondering really....

Dh had planned to take his teenage daughter (my step daughter) out for tea and the cinema last night.

The other day she text Dh and asked if she could bring a friend along.

Dh replied with 'that's fine as long as she clears it with her parents and she can pay for herself'

Not meaning to be tight but money is tight for us right now dh was paying for it all with some cash he has and wouldn't have enough to pay for an extra person.

Dsd replied saying she was currently at that particular friends house and her mum said it was fine and thanked Dh for taking her etc.

Anyway they went last night and dh rang me later that night to say he was on his way home and they had a great time but the friend had brought no money with her so Dh paid for it all on the bank card.

Now I'm not saying anyone is to blame to be honest. Dh really should of had a chat with the mother to make sure she knew that she was more than welcome to come but he couldn't pay for her. Instead of relying on dsd to pass it on. My feeling is dsd never actually said that she would have to pay for herself.

However.....is that what happens these days? I know when I used to get invited out as a child, my mum would always give me the money for it to pay for myself. Sometimes the parents would take it and sometimes they wouldn't.

I'm a few years off this yet with my dcs, but again, I'd never expect another parent to pay for them when taking them out. I'd always make sure they had enough money to cover the cost.

Dh really should of just said no to begin with so it's a lesson learnt really.

But it just got me thinking, if your child gets invited to the cinema or whatever activity....do you pay for it or is it expected that the other parent pays as they invited the child?

Oh yes she was...

She was invited by DSD.

I've had the situation more than once where the guest child has cash on her but wouldn't hand it over.

I normally pay if I can, if I am the one inviting. If my DDs being taken, I would offer money which is normally refused. However on one occasion as my DDs are a bit older, I offered to take a group to see a new film, it was hard to get tickets and I had literally no cash so my DD explained to them all they had to pay for themselves. One mother objected - she was not from UK and I have found that anyone from outside UK has different expectations so its always good to check.

I would always offer money of my child was invited anywhere. Sometimes they took me up on it, sometimes they didn't. We have been stone cold broke and had to have that horrible clarifying chat re finances with the other parent too. Its an awful situation. Sorry to hear about your DH's business issues - it must have been a shock when you were gearing up to get nesting.

If you invite a child you pay for them. However DH didn't invite the child his daughter did so I can see the dilemma. Doubling the costs is significant if you are short of money.

If my children were invited out I would always send them with some money just in case.

But why would you invite another child along when you’re stony broke and it involves a horrible clarifying chat re finances with the other child’s parents?
Inviting another child on an outing is hardly compulsory
That’s really bizarre.

I always send DDs with enough money for their own ticket and snacks.

Because it's not all about money?

I think if you take another child out you should not expect them to pay. I would always send my DC with some cash to buy sweets or popcorn for themselves and their friend, similarly I took DD and 3 friends out to an ice cream parlour. Each one brought £20 with them even though I was totally prepared to pay for them all. It’s v expensive there though, so I said “you can all have an ice cream/waffle etc but we usually jut get tap water, so if you want a posh milkshake, coke float etc too then I’ll have £5 off each of you as a contribution”, so they all had exactly what they wanted without worrying and I got a little cash injection!

When I do cinema I usually use Tesco clubcard points for the ticket so it’s only about £3.50 in vouchers rather than £8-9 in cash. Then if the child brings some money I let them buy whatever they want as snacks and take a contribution - otherwise I’d be policing it and saying “just a small popcorn” if I was paying!!

I would add that some kids/teens have been given money by their parents, but keep it in their pockets knowing other parents will pay.

With teens, where I live, the kids all pay for their own.tickets.

I am ofyeten a chauffeur and dropper offer, does not mean I"invite and pay" for everyone

I would only pay if it was a party, or I had specifically invited a friend of DC (rare)

Well it clearly was about the money if she needed to raise the subject and dreaded doing so?

Sandy I said that earlier, glad to see its not just me who has that experience. Even when they were very small, if I bought my DD sweets on a day out and the other child had money from her parents, the other child would inevitably enthusiastically "share" my DD's sweets whilst saying "that's my mummy's money" when asked about the £10 note in her purse!

I think Margaret Cavendish might be correct in that dad had been treated by her friend's family.

Perhaps DH should check direct with the parents or ask dd's dm what the relationship is with the friends parents.

You invite, you pay. Hopefully other parent offers but I wouldnt expect it.

I think that the OP's DH did everything right. He was upfront that the other girl would need to pay for her own ticket, but when she didn't have any money, he covered the cost without causing embarrassment.

I would be a little bit wary of a similar situation with this girl in the future, and might check on pick up that she had money with her.

Love how everyone just knows all the facts here. Apparently dsd was dreading asking the friend for the money. How do you all know that exactly? Were you there and you know something I don't?

The actual message the dh sent to dsd was 'that's absolutely fine for a xxxxx to come darling but I just won't be able to afford to pay for anyone else but me and you, so if it's ok for xxxxx to pay and as long as her parents are ok with it as I've never met them before. Let me know, or pass xxxxx mums number on to me and I'll give her a call xxxx'

I've literally just copied that off dhs phone. The reply from dsd was her saying it was all good, her mum would send her dd with money and thanks for taking her.

I've said this already.

I always pay for the friend & offer if my DC is invited. I wouldn't mind if someone said to me before hand they wanted to take my child but couldn't afford it so I had to pay. If they were well off and did it though, I would think they were tight.

StaplesCorner

Absolutely agree. Taking it a step further, one of my DNieces friends invited her out to a birthday meal. Her mum gave enough for all the girls to eat. That was witnessed by my DN.

When time came to pay, DNs friend asked everyone to pay.

My DN said (quietly to her mate) but Amy your mum gave you money for all of us. I was there when she did.

So Amy's mum thinks she's paid for everyone and Amy pocketed the money. I'm from a culture where we would pay...as is Amy/her mum. Tne girls were 16 at the time.

Kids can be sneaky.

Yabu- the adult taking the child pays.

MargaretCavendish
I wonder whether part of the problem here is that the fact DSD has two families complicates reciprocation? By that I mean that if this friend's family had taken her out previously they might not send money because they'd assume it was the same deal - parent pays - but that's sort of an implicit deal they've struck with her mum, not with you? So from your point of view you've treated this child and got nothing back, but in theirs this is part of an ongoing exchange and so it's unreasonable to expect them to pay - a bit like doing rounds and then suddenly declaring them over when it's your turn.

I think this is a very good explanation.

I think your DH needs to handle these issues very carefully with his teenage daughter in the future.

Iam that ‘horrible clarifying chat’ was needed as my child had invited a friend along and I only found out when the parent stopped me in the playground to accept. Hope that helps re understanding....

She was invited by DSD

On the understanding between DH and DSD that the friend would pay.

With teens, where I live, the kids all pay for their own.tickets.

I am ofyeten a chauffeur and dropper offer, does not mean I"invite and pay" for everyone

I think that’s a bit different to younger DCs going with a parent though. I also don’t expect to pay if I’m not there, but if I AM then I’d feel bad buying my ticket and my DCs’ tickets then expecting the other kid to cough up separately. Similarly with snacks - I wouldn’t just buy ours. I buy them all and then maybe take £5 or so out of the £10-£20 they usually bring as a contribution.

My DS is 13 and went out with friends at the end of term last week. Some of them had money and some didn’t so they all clubbed together to buy lunch for the whole gang which I thought was lovely and I’m happy to subsidise as I know they would do the same for him.

She was at the friends house, maybe there regularly, eating their food (takeaways perhaps?) and using their facilities - as a parent I would offer to pay but would really expect the inviter to do the paying.

Exactly. An 'understanding' that was not accepted and/or not conveyed by DSD / not understood by friend (because not normal). So, not an understanding, because not actually understood.

Rather DSD being put in an awkward position, so she and/or her friend defaulting to 'normal'.