To ask if your child gets invited to the cinema, you should pay for the ticket?

[sissy89]

Just wondering really....

Dh had planned to take his teenage daughter (my step daughter) out for tea and the cinema last night.

The other day she text Dh and asked if she could bring a friend along.

Dh replied with 'that's fine as long as she clears it with her parents and she can pay for herself'

Not meaning to be tight but money is tight for us right now dh was paying for it all with some cash he has and wouldn't have enough to pay for an extra person.

Dsd replied saying she was currently at that particular friends house and her mum said it was fine and thanked Dh for taking her etc.

Anyway they went last night and dh rang me later that night to say he was on his way home and they had a great time but the friend had brought no money with her so Dh paid for it all on the bank card.

Now I'm not saying anyone is to blame to be honest. Dh really should of had a chat with the mother to make sure she knew that she was more than welcome to come but he couldn't pay for her. Instead of relying on dsd to pass it on. My feeling is dsd never actually said that she would have to pay for herself.

However.....is that what happens these days? I know when I used to get invited out as a child, my mum would always give me the money for it to pay for myself. Sometimes the parents would take it and sometimes they wouldn't.

I'm a few years off this yet with my dcs, but again, I'd never expect another parent to pay for them when taking them out. I'd always make sure they had enough money to cover the cost.

Dh really should of just said no to begin with so it's a lesson learnt really.

But it just got me thinking, if your child gets invited to the cinema or whatever activity....do you pay for it or is it expected that the other parent pays as they invited the child?

We always pay if we take a friend of dc.

If others offer to take dc with them I always offer money but it's never been taken.

50/50
it needs clarifying first.
sometimes it is a treat, sometimes they just pay for themselves and you are the taxi driver

The standard where I live is that the parent taking the children out pays for everyone (which is why I tend to invite children over to my house rather than out anywhere I can’t afford!!). There have been occasions when DD has been taken somewhere I know is expensive and I’ve asked “would you like any money towards it?” but they’ve always said no. It might be different in different communities though.

The other parent should have given the child money or offered to buy her ticket out of politeness, but if I invited my kids friends to the cinema I would expect to pay for them and wouldn’t say yes to taking them if I couldn’t afford to.

Personally I would always give DC the money to pay for themselves, the same as my parents did when I was younger.

I always send money - even if they say it’s covered. That way it covers any ice creams / extras. But I wouldn’t expect others to - if I invite a child I am happy to pay ( also skint so doesn’t happen often!!!)

they should have at least offered to pay imo

I think if you invite a friend you pay but if they ask to join you they pay.

The tricky thing here is your DSD may be seen to have invited her friend although it sounds like she was told her friend could come along but paying her way.

I would have given money for popcorn & a ticket. Cinema is too expensive to expect someone else to pay.

Tbh if she was invited the mum probably assumed she was going to be paid for that is pretty standard assumption if the girls were going themselves the mum would have given her money. If you can't afford to pay you just don't invite.

Of course you pay for a child guest.

If I could afford it I would pay. If I couldn’t, I would be up front with the other parent. “We would love Mabel to come with us but things are a bit tight at the moment and I can’t afford to pay for her”

My DD is only 5, so we've only had this once but...
I offered to pay, other mum refused so I just sent DD with some cash anyway all of which she came back with. I just reciprocated with a similar day out.

Has DSD had days out with that friend before and been paid for by her parents? Maybe that's why they sent no money?

I always sent money though but more often than not other parents paid.

If we take a friend out, we pay. Usually the other parent repays the favour at a later date. I don't think you could really reasonably expect the friend to pay for herself but that's just me! However I do also sympathise because the cinema is so expensive these days!

Yes I think this is where dh went wrong tbh. Dsd doesn't live close to us and it's the first time she's ever brought a friend a long to anything so I don't think dh really knew how to handle it.

It's not really a big deal at the end of the day, it's paid for but I just wondered if times had changed since I was younger!

If I had offered to take the child then I would've paid but if they kind of invited themselves like she seemed to then I would expect them to bring some money

Guess I won’t be inviting DS friends to go out with us when he’s older then. I thought friends would pay for themselves. But the done thing seems to be to pay for the friend, and I can’t afford it.

I don't know. If I invited another kid along, I'd pay. But if my child was invited, I'd send them with money - and even if the other parent were paying I'd at least make sure they had cash for sweets/ drinks.

I’d be almost certain DD didn’t relay the ‘pay for yourself’ part, and might even have gone further and when money was offered said ‘don’t worry, we’ll pay’. They love magnanimous gestures, do kids!

Another possibility is that the friend was given money, but kept it tightly clutched in her pocket hoping not to be asked for it (and wasn’t). Or she completely forgot about having it, when she wasn’t prompted for it.

In my neck of the woods the parent of the guest child offers to pay for the ticket (maybe more than once), and 80% of the time the hosting parent says ‘don’t worry, I’ll cover her’. I’d still always give DD money for snacks (for the group) and let the other parent know. I’d go over what my DD needed to do, and when, in the transaction (eg be at the cash register at the snack bar when it comes time to pay).

Truthfully, there are a couple school families that I’d be very clear we were paying for our kid ourselves, even if I have to hand them the cash myself afterwards. The ones who seem to love to keep score and bitch about injustice against them at the school gates. If I really don’t want to trigger an obligation to take their (multiple) kids out for a treat in return, I’ll be extra generous when they take mine!!

I’m on the same page as others here... although my DCs aren’t old enough yet to be doing this sort of thing!
If my child was going out with other parents I’d make sure he had the money to pay / or I’d offer. But if taking another kid out I’d pay for them... unless it was a big group meeting up and I was just the driver!

@MumMuuumMummy yes that's what dh thought. It was supposed to be some time for just the 2 of them. Dh wasn't really keen on the idea of bringing a friend but dsd has been so miserable lately (hormones) that he thought she would just go in a mood if he said no and also he said it would be nice to meet her friend. But dh didn't technically invite her as in it wasn't his idea. Like I said, money is a bit tight for us at the min. Just miscommunication I guess!

Your husband set the parameters, your step daughter didn’t pass on the message or the friend was a chancer.
If your husband had offered to take the child he should have paid but he was asked to take them.

I always pay for the friend if we take an extra to the cinema/swimming etc.
DD is now 12 and is starting to want to go and do things with her friends without me, so although I might pick up a friend or two and drop them at the cinema, i don’t pay for them all in those circs.

Mind you, at 15 I don't think I'd see my role as much more than chauffeur. I'd expect both kids to pay for themselves by that point. Urgh, I don't have teenagers yet..don't listen to me.