To ask if your child gets invited to the cinema, you should pay for the ticket?

[sissy89]

Just wondering really....

Dh had planned to take his teenage daughter (my step daughter) out for tea and the cinema last night.

The other day she text Dh and asked if she could bring a friend along.

Dh replied with 'that's fine as long as she clears it with her parents and she can pay for herself'

Not meaning to be tight but money is tight for us right now dh was paying for it all with some cash he has and wouldn't have enough to pay for an extra person.

Dsd replied saying she was currently at that particular friends house and her mum said it was fine and thanked Dh for taking her etc.

Anyway they went last night and dh rang me later that night to say he was on his way home and they had a great time but the friend had brought no money with her so Dh paid for it all on the bank card.

Now I'm not saying anyone is to blame to be honest. Dh really should of had a chat with the mother to make sure she knew that she was more than welcome to come but he couldn't pay for her. Instead of relying on dsd to pass it on. My feeling is dsd never actually said that she would have to pay for herself.

However.....is that what happens these days? I know when I used to get invited out as a child, my mum would always give me the money for it to pay for myself. Sometimes the parents would take it and sometimes they wouldn't.

I'm a few years off this yet with my dcs, but again, I'd never expect another parent to pay for them when taking them out. I'd always make sure they had enough money to cover the cost.

Dh really should of just said no to begin with so it's a lesson learnt really.

But it just got me thinking, if your child gets invited to the cinema or whatever activity....do you pay for it or is it expected that the other parent pays as they invited the child?

Oh and no....dh most certainly didn't ask for any money off the child! Dsd said to dh when the friend went to the toilet that she has no money with her. There was no awkwardness, no scene made, nothing like that. Dh isn't a person that would ever do that.

We tend to pay for them and take as a treat
Sorry ! You will know for next time

I always pay for a friend on a day out, most of their parents would give money to their DC, I would get the pal to get slushys. I would not expect to send my child empty handed. Some DC are mean maybe the mam gave her money and she's kept it and let you pay.

At 15 I would expect they pay for themselves if the invitation has come from their friend. If a parent said “I’ll take you and a friend to the cinema” I’d expect the parent to pay.

We had a similar situation where dc age 17 invited friends to stay with us for a few days, all good. Then dc said they and friends wanted to do an expensive activity. We said fine but friends must pay for themselves as we didn’t issue that invitation and we were already hosting and taxiing. It was a slightly embarrassing struggle to get the cash from one friend though! But at £25 for a 45min activity we were not paying for them all!

I would always pay for the other child if we had invited them somewhere. I think most parents would send enough to cover entry etc. regardless, though. It's just a matter of curtesy.

To be honest, you should be focusing on the bigger picture if you can't afford the extra cost of one ticket yet are adding another child to an already large blended family.

I think this one is down to DSD - she didn't mention to the friend that she was expected to pay for herself. Perhaps this tells you what you're asking? Could be the norm is that parents pay for guests and that's why DSD was embarrassed to mention it to the friend?

My kids are a bit younger but DS1 goes with SIL and cousins a bit. I always send him with money, enough for ticket and sweets. Tell SIL to take what she wants/needs.

My parents were the same when we were younger, we were sent with money but it wasn't always accepted.

Agree with most others in that if the teens are by themselves (and parent only the chauffeur) then they each pay. If a parent is present, then they pay for guests.

OP, I would consider it highly rude for your dh to ask the girl's parent for money. If it is offered , then you might accept (but I wouldn't, if I was doing the hosting), but turning up to pick someone up and asking for money... ouch. No.

I always offer or send money. If I've taken kids out then I refuse offers of money.

But DH didn't invite the child, DSD asked if she could bring a friend and DH said yes but she has to pay her own way..... I don't see the issue here, clearly either DSD did not relay the message or friend and mum are chancers

If I take one of my DC's friends then I will pay as I invited them .My one DC's friends will always bring her own money to pay so what I do then is usually get them lunch when I buy my own and DC's as I feel I invited them so I don't expect them to pay .But everyone differs .

Lesson learned Op if it is a stretch just don't take friends.

@BoxsetsAndPopcorn

To be honest, you should be focusing on the bigger picture if you can't afford the extra cost of one ticket yet are adding another child to an already large blended family.

Erm what?????? How dare you.

No! He should not have contacted the parents himself!
God, what’s wrong with you, op? Neither of you have the remotest clue. Stop embarrassing your kids like that.

If we invite DD friend then we always pay. Normally the parents offer us the money but we never accept. Unless pre agreed I think the host should pay.

I agree that the message might not have been passed on.

Can you imagine having to tell a friend that they could only come if they paid.

Your husband should have said no or just let the two of the go.

Agree with MrsJayy. Better to make it clear that friends do not come.

I'm sure the dsd didn't tell the friend she had to pay. I can't imagine that dd would tell a friend she had to pay for her own cinema ticket if they were going with dh. As we all on here have said, if the teens are going on their own then each pays their own way.

I think making a big fuss over this is not going to enhance relations with the dsd. Your dh should just emphasise that it's just him and her on future occasions.

@sissy89 your DH did invite, though. The moment he said "yes", he was inviting, and the proviso of " as long as she pays for herself " was unreasonable, instead, he should have said no. And almost certainly that proviso wouldn't have been passed forward to the invitee or their parents, as your DSD would have been embarrassed to do so, as it's simply not the done thing or acceptable to ask.

The easiest way to gauge this is to look at whether he expected DSD to pay for herself out of her allowance. If he didn't, then unreasonable to expect any other invited child to pay. If it's a situation where you would reasonably expect DSD to fund it herself (e.g being dropped off in town, no parents attending), then each child pays for themselves.

Well, I think you should expect that dsd will stick to social norms and will feel embarrassed if put in a position where she has to ask something cheeky - like for her friend to bring money.

Your DH should not have put her in that position and should have had the social awareness to know she wouldn't follow it through.

The rest of it, yes, she needs to understand that she can't have what she wants, not to ask for things she suspects you can't afford and to take no as an answer. But that's all within the privacy of your family.

In this case, I think the thing for your DH to do would have been to say something like 'no sorry, this is a treat for you and me, so I can spend some time with you. We can invite your friend over another time.' Making it about money, publicly, is per se embarrassing.

Yes, how absolutely cringeworthy for the dh to ask the mother for money on the doorstep.

With younger children I'd expect to pay.
With teens it's a bit trickier. Certainly if they organise it amongst themselves I'd expect everyone to pay for their own ticket. With a parent in the mix it's harder. I did pay for my teens' friends to come to swimming with us earlier in the week, but that was inexpensive, and I was mainly in the equation as chauffeur! I wouldn't have organised a cinema trip as that's more expensive. That said, DD has a friend whose dad regularly invites her to things (and pays for her) mainly because he wants her to keep his DD company.

The problem with the “you should always pay!” line it that it means children of parents without much money never get the fun of going to the pictures with a friend.

So long as you are up front about the arrangements then I can’t see a problem.

The other child should not have asked to go along as it put your DH in a difficult position. He had to either say she couldn't come or say she had to pay for herself so was forced to be rude. I would have said she couldn't come. He should ask his DD not to invite people along without asking him privately first.

They will if they’re invited by their friends, Bertrand?
I wouldn’t expect every invitation to be reciprocated, it’s not why I allow my kids to invite their friends along.