To be surprised at how much bullying is treated as inevitable?

[Spaghettijumper]

On threads where, say, a boy is wearing 'girly' clothing or is in some way different, there seems to be a lot of responses saying 'he/she will be bullied' as though that's a good reason not to do it/not to allow the child to do it.

It surprises me - do people really live in such fear of other people's responses?

My son wears dresses and yes people make silly comments but there's no way I'd say he shouldn't wear dresses because of that - surely that's just teaching him that other people get to decide what he wears? He just brushes the comments off and over time no one even notices the dresses any more. The vast majority of people say absolutely nothing, or even compliment him on his dresses - there are a lot of kind and friendly people in the world!

In my experience, no matter what you do, someone will have a negative reaction/a nasty comment - if you live your life anticipating the negativity and trying to avoid it, there's a lot you'll miss out on.

AIBU to think the response to possible bullying isn't to go ahead and give the bullies what they want ahead of time (ie total conformity) but to develop the resilience to say 'yes you don't like what I do, but I really don't care'?

Just the way the world is unfortunately. My son was wearing socks with sandals the other day, had to tell him to take them off as people will laugh.

So what if people laugh though?

Oh great, you're an SJW whose throwing her kid under the bus to virtue signal.

I knew someone would post this.
I have boys and wouldnt dress them in dresses so they looked stupid. Its attention seeking, not promoting 'gender fluidity and free choice'.
Bullying is nasty but it does happen, but even without bullying people make immediate judgements about others so the impression is formed even if not acted upon.
If he wanted to walk around in underpants all day, is that ok too? I think your parenting is awful. And no im not a bully.

I don't dress him in anything - he chooses the dresses himself. I'm really interested in the almost angry response to it though - where does that come from? What difference does it make to anybody else if he wears dresses?

There is a difference between teasing and bullying, a child laughing or making a comment at how someone is dressed is not bullying. When your husband puts on a string vest to go out shopping with you I wonder how many wouldn’t comment (think Rab C Nesbit) 😄

How old is he?

In what way am I throwing him under the bus @Stirner? He's a confident happy boy with loads of friends who's doing really well at school.

I don't understand the 'virtue signal' thing either - what virtue is there in wearing dresses?

He's 7.

'I think its because ridicule is one of the least harmful forms of social control. Its entirely up to you whether you feel it is really important that your child should break social mores, all people is saying is there will be effects and you have to undestood that YOU chose to take the chance of potentially harming your child in this manner.'

Potentially harming him how?

Must be an attention thing.

I agree OP. We shouldn't give in to bullies. My son is ginger, I wouldn't be impressed if people just accepted that he'll get bullied for it.

In what way @ElevenSmiles?

I think you'll find it's the people who are most alarmed at idea of being "different" are the same people who do the bullying OP (and their children obviously). Some people have a very strong need to conform and find non-conformity very threatening. Others are just mean.

That's interesting @BarbarianMum - so you think that the bullying comes from fear?

Ginger is a hair colour. Encouraging your son to wear dresses is just deliberately challeging the status quo through the lens of making your child look like a fool.
At 7 they will wear anything. I bought my kids clothes and they wore them. I didnt walk them round sainsburys so they could point out the pinkest number and demand to wear it as it is pretty. Total middle class statement making. Yawn.

And nobody has used the term mores since the social theories of social problems in the 1970s.

It's interesting that you think I'm the one driving it, User. Why do you think that? Both of my children (I also have a 5 year old DD) choose their clothes themselves.

I didn't use the word mores, if that last comment is directed at me user.

I think putting a target on a child's back to send a 'right-on' message is pretty low. Does your child really want to wear dresses or is it you who encourages him to wear dresses? I'll give you the benefit and allow you are not bullying him into it but we as a society are not 'there' yet and, like it or not, we still have to pay at least lip service to conformity. You can choose to flout convention as an adult if you like, clearly you're old enough and thick-skinned enough to weather whatever backlash comes your way, but weaponising your child and making him vulnerable to bullies in order to do so is out of order.

over time no one even notices the dresses any more
They do notice. They’re just too polite to comment on it. But you can be sure they’re talking and laughing behind your back.

Elements of teasing are inevitable as it is part of life. Equally, bullying is a fact of life. It is horrible and should be dealt with but it is inevitable.
Put it this way, I would never work in a school that claims to have no bullying.

If a child wants to dress how they want, fine. I've seen many a boy wear his sister's dress in the house. I've seen girls in boys tops etc. There are many ways to be a boy and a girl.
The problem is that you have some people who treat their children as tokens of their own fashionable progressive beliefs and that usually ends up with 'here is my child and they are shifting to stereotypes of the opposite sex, look how progressive they are, we do gender neutral parenting and oru child is gender fluid, we don't impose any gender on our child (whilst actively steering opposite gender stereotypes)'.

Meanwhile in the real world lots of parents are raising their children, giving their children a range of opportunities and breaking down gender stereotypes without the need to go 'lool at our boy wearing a pink skirt'.

I don't see why I would encourage him to wear dresses Elemental? What would be the point of that? He wears what he wants to wear - sometimes it's dresses, sometimes it's trousers, sometimes it's dressing up stuff. Unless it's not suitable for the weather I never say a word about it.

Were the first women to wear trousers also foolish and narrow-minded and middle class I wonder? Doesn't seem to have hurt us any, if so.

Yes I think most prejudice and narrow-mindedness has its roots in fear OP. And ignorance, and a disinclination for critical thinking of course.

Well they dont buy their own clothes do they, ya know, with being too young to earn money and drive to the shop and all. Anyway youre obviously a GF, so its a waste of time coming back. Poor kid. Perhaps seek some help for your need for attention so people dont judge him for something he isnt, because of you.
Or are you trolling for a reaction?
Oh wait....