Friends sending their DS to school in a pinafore.

[RelentlessSylvia]

Friends (I'm pals with both halves of the couple) have a DS, 4.

He's starting primary after the summer and they've bought him pinafores rather than shorts or trousers. They've always bought him a range of clothes up to now - dresses, skirts, trousers, shorts, pink, blue and every other colour - and he's picked what he wants to wear every day. He has no concept that garments are gendered and just likes to wear what he likes to wear. I think this is great.

But they haven't bought a range of uniform items, they've bought him pinafores and tights. AIBU to think they are making a statement at the expense of their DS's choice? Shorts and trousers are, for better or worse, much less gendered items than dresses.

He is a lovely boy and a testament to their parenting. Both parents are proudly unorthodox and brilliant, brave people. But AIBU to think they're kinda using their son as a flag to wave to the rest of the school community, rather than giving him the option of being low-key?

Nursery have previously expressed concerns that my friends were forcing their DS to wear dresses. They weren't. He chooses his clothes from a range. It may be that they've said 'which style of uniform do you want?' and he's made a choice but sadly there is a huge context to gender and clothing that he isn't aware of, so it isn't a genuine choice?

AIB horrible and judgemental? I love that this kid can be who he wants to be. I just worry that he's going to become an object of ridicule and derision on his first day.

Your boy will be laughed at. Children notice anything that's unusual, and your son wearing a dress will stand out like a sore thumb. Primary school is a big step for a 4 year old, but there will also big bigger, older kids there, who will mock him.

Why do you encourage him to wear girls' clothing? Do you think he will go through life wearing dresses? If he simply must wear dresses, then let him do so at home. He won't fit in anywhere else.

That poor boy :(

I hope someone intervenes and says something to them.

If he was an older child expressing his desire to wear girl's clothes then fair enough. But he's 4 and he's not, so I find this strange and abusive.

Sorry....I misread it and thought it was YOUR boy. I stand by all that I've said, though. His daft parents are doing him no favours whatsoever. The poor boy will be ridiculed.

School will intervene if the boy is upset or isolated by his peers, it's fair enough to give him the option but abuse to only buy him pinafores.

Stupid parents.

The Dad should wear a pinafore to work.

Obviously their son can be who he wants to be regardless of what he wears.

I'm sick of hearing the word gender now. We can accept more feminine men and more masculine women (whatever that even means).

He can dress up as a princess all he wants during recess, nobody will care.

Both parents are proudly unorthodox

I can't stand this. Not the unorthodoxy; absolutely fine by me how anyone else wants to live their life. But the pride in it. That speaks volumes. It's the "look at meeee; I'm such an individual and so much better than everybody else" attitude that goes along with it. You don't like the way things are and you want to do something different? Good for you. Someone else doesn't? Good for them.

ps, my son couldn't hold a pencil or pull his trousers up at four but he wouldn't have worn a skirt! I remember that!

Sounds like they are trying to trans him or make him present as 'non-binary'. Attention seeking maybe?

I can’t wait for OP to answer some of the questions answered!

I think the children will refer to him as a girl and if he says he is a boy will ask why he is wearing girls’ clothes. How he responds to that will be up to him. He’s only 4yrs though so I imagine doing the ‘wrong’ thing will make him feel uncomfortable unless he’s very, very secure in his identity. I’m not sure what the parents are thinking, I’m guessing he’s their first. They sound painfully right on.

I think this is a non issue (beyond tights being a pain in the arse).

If school intervene I would hope it would be to say 'clothes are just clothes' and not to get the parents to change. But in reality we all know the kid is going to ask to wear trousers on day 3 anyway.

Tell daddy to go to work dressed in a pinafore.....assuming he does work and isn’t just a trustafarian hippy.

See, if you want to be truly non-gender then surely, as OP said the parents had done previously, you offer ALL the choices.

My only issue with the scenario described is that the parents are limiting the choice to the stereotypical female clothing and therefore aren't be non-gender. They are falling into the same trap but coming at it from a different angle.

When will people realise children aren't a project? Let him choose if he wants to wear a dress when he's old enough to make that choice based on what is going on around him in a school environment. Poor child.

As long as the dad also wears a frock to work I see no issue with it.....otherwise it's a case of do as I say, not as I do!

Do they like attention? Why not give him a choice of all clothes and not just typically girl clothes. They’re not really giving him a choice are they, they’re getting him to conform to a gender type because he has no other option. This is truly fucked up!

This thread is depressing. How about telling girls that they can’t wear trousers? So it’s only girls’ stuff that’s not good enough for Manly Men and Boys?

School should come down on bullying a boy for wearing a pinafore the same way they would for a girl wearing trousers. And yes, no one likes those kinds of parents, but at least they are doing something, rather than remaining stuck in the 1950s.

Shame they aren’t Scottish, then they could send him in a kilt.

That's awfully cruel IMO. Poor kid, he might wear them the first day but I'd be surprised if he wants to wear them very long.

On a practical note, he's going to find it difficult to have a wee in a urinal wearing a dress and tights, he probably hasn't had to do this in Nursery.

I can understand the concept of dressing your child in gender neutral clothing.

However, like it or not, skirts/dresses/pinafores are not gender neutral - they are feminine. Is that right? Perhaps not. But, currently, it's true.

Therefore they are not sending him to school gender neutral, they are sending him dressed as a girl.

Unless this is his active, informed choice where he understands the impact of the decision (which at 4 he can't possibly) then it is cruel to make it for him.

I bet if you look on the school website, it will say in the uniform policy what the boys and girls uniform is. I would put any money on the fact that a pinafore isn’t listed as part of the boys uniform. They sound attention-seeking.

Omg. That poor kid, I got absolutely beasted through all my school life for a lisp and stutter and having absolutely no interest in girls. He will be the number 1 whipping by for the bullies.

Maybe the other children should be told it is wrong to tease children because of their clothes. My dd has her hair cut really short and always wears boys clothes including school trousers. We were at a family funeral the other day and some of her cousins wouldn't accept that she was a girl. That was fine until the went to the park later and really upset her by insisting on calling her 'he's and refusing to play with her because she was a boy. She came back very upset and said she didn't mind been mistaken for a boy but was hurt when they knew she was a girl but kept insisting she was a boy. She is 10 but has always been like this. Very into her sports and no interest in girly things. I told her things like this were bound to happen but she insisted they were in the wrong and that she could dress how she liked but that she was still a girl and her clothes and look were her own choice and it was mean I'd them to insist on calling her he when they clearly knew she was a girl.

Neither of my boys have ever worn girls clothing. But I really don't see the issue. Children get teased regardless of what they do, it's not like it will scar him for life if he gets teased for a bit. And it's not like he can't just ask for some shorts if he wants to, you can get a pair of shorts almost instantly when they are requested so it doesn't make any difference whether they have already bought them or are waiting for him to ask. Wearing a dress in reception for a while won't cobden him to a hard life.