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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends sending their DS to school in a pinafore.

583 replies

RelentlessSylvia · 22/07/2018 09:04

Friends (I'm pals with both halves of the couple) have a DS, 4.

He's starting primary after the summer and they've bought him pinafores rather than shorts or trousers. They've always bought him a range of clothes up to now - dresses, skirts, trousers, shorts, pink, blue and every other colour - and he's picked what he wants to wear every day. He has no concept that garments are gendered and just likes to wear what he likes to wear. I think this is great.

But they haven't bought a range of uniform items, they've bought him pinafores and tights. AIBU to think they are making a statement at the expense of their DS's choice? Shorts and trousers are, for better or worse, much less gendered items than dresses.

He is a lovely boy and a testament to their parenting. Both parents are proudly unorthodox and brilliant, brave people. But AIBU to think they're kinda using their son as a flag to wave to the rest of the school community, rather than giving him the option of being low-key?

Nursery have previously expressed concerns that my friends were forcing their DS to wear dresses. They weren't. He chooses his clothes from a range. It may be that they've said 'which style of uniform do you want?' and he's made a choice but sadly there is a huge context to gender and clothing that he isn't aware of, so it isn't a genuine choice?

AIB horrible and judgemental? I love that this kid can be who he wants to be. I just worry that he's going to become an object of ridicule and derision on his first day.

OP posts:
coolncalm · 22/07/2018 09:09

Well i hope they're prepared for their son being ridiculed.

hmmwhatatodo · 22/07/2018 09:10

They don’t sound brave and brilliant to me, they sound like a pair of idiots. Why would anyone do that? Is it a male and female set of parents you are talking about? Do they both go about in skirts and trousers as they please? I’m finding it hard to believe that the child has no idea about gender and typical clothing when he attends nursery. Poor boy.

coolncalm · 22/07/2018 09:10

And he can be who he wants to be. Wearing a dress won't achieve that.

LongSummerDays · 22/07/2018 09:10

As long as he wears shorts if he's going to do cartwheels. Hmm

Devilishpyjamas · 22/07/2018 09:11

Oh fgs - haven’t read it in years but it sounds like Modern Parents in Viz.

FairiesAndChocolate · 22/07/2018 09:11

They are setting him up for a very tough life. I appreciate what they have tried to do but general attitude isnt eith then im afraid.

XiCi · 22/07/2018 09:14

Well he's likely to be bullied and ridiculed from day 1 so they should be prepared for that

CoughLaughFart · 22/07/2018 09:14

If they usually buy him a range of clothes, why haven’t they bought trousers as well in case he wants to choose those?

AnnaMagnani · 22/07/2018 09:14

I think he'll change what he wants to wear in about 5 days of school.

Juells · 22/07/2018 09:15

As long as he wears shorts if he's going to do cartwheels.

Grin

Sounds like that Johnny Cash song about the boy named Sue. Setting him up for a tough life, as Fairies says.

flumpybear · 22/07/2018 09:15

Can't be arsed with people like this, probably trying too hard to make a statement but making their child into a statement for him - fine if he decides he'd rather identify as a girl when he's old enough

roseblossom75 · 22/07/2018 09:15

What are the school's views on this?

MissusGeneHunt · 22/07/2018 09:15

I suppose on one hand he may grow up to be non judgemental but on the other hand will probably get the piss taken out of him as other kids simply aren't exposed to this level of attitude. Difficult one. Personally I wouldn't do it for the latter reason, and when said DS is mature enough to have his own opinions and the emotional intelligence to choose, I'd support that.

MadMaryBoddington · 22/07/2018 09:16

I’m finding it hard to believe that the child has no idea about gender and typical clothing when he attends nursery.

It’s not that unusual. Ds still liked dressing up in princess and fairy dresses all the way through nursery. It was School that brought it home to him; he was blithely unaware till then.

00100001 · 22/07/2018 09:16

Well it will go one of two ways

  1. he'll conform and ask for shorts/trousers after day/week 1

  2. he'll be known as the boy that wears a dress and nobody will care

Stirner · 22/07/2018 09:16

The poor lad is going to get absolutely tormented at school at it'll all be his parents' fault.

3boysandabump · 22/07/2018 09:17

I give him 3 days and he'll be telling them he doesn't want to wear a pinafore and would like trousers.
My boys went less than a week in reception then asked to wear boxers instead of briefs and refused to wear vests because that's what all the other kids did.

MissusGeneHunt · 22/07/2018 09:17

@Devilishpyjamas..... Exactly!! Used to make me cringe and chortle in one!! Cressida and Malcolm wasn't it?!

pinkmagic1 · 22/07/2018 09:18

They are idiots and setting the poor boy up for years of bullying and ridicule. Not sure what you can do about it though.

martymc · 22/07/2018 09:19

Jesus. Poor kid.

hmmwhatatodo · 22/07/2018 09:19

MadMary, he will still see that it is pretty much only girls who wear skirts and dresses to nursery and also, when out and about I doubt he comes across many men and boys wearing a skirt or a dress. I’m not talking about children putting dressing up clothes on.

IVEgotthePOWER · 22/07/2018 09:19

Honestly there is a boy in my dds class (just finished reception) who wears a cardigan. He gets laughed at. A dress would be much worse.

They sound like they are making a point at his expense Sad

bigKiteFlying · 22/07/2018 09:19

School is where my DC picked up large number of gendered sterotypes.

Some of the most damaging maths is for boy and reading is for girls have been expressed by staff members to them.Angry

I don't think it "brave" - I think it going to isolate and upset the child till he conforms or in present climate lead to labeling of him due to his parents choices.

grumpypug · 22/07/2018 09:19

They ABU. Tights and reception age children never go well together (especially on PE days).

I have many boys in my reception classes who put on the dressing up dresses at every opportunity. No one cares. Uniform is different though.

LynetteScavo · 22/07/2018 09:21

Well I hope he's good at putting his tights back on on PE days.

The other children will presume he's a girl.

It won't end well if he gets his penis out to prove otherwise.