Friends sending their DS to school in a pinafore.

[RelentlessSylvia]

Friends (I'm pals with both halves of the couple) have a DS, 4.

He's starting primary after the summer and they've bought him pinafores rather than shorts or trousers. They've always bought him a range of clothes up to now - dresses, skirts, trousers, shorts, pink, blue and every other colour - and he's picked what he wants to wear every day. He has no concept that garments are gendered and just likes to wear what he likes to wear. I think this is great.

But they haven't bought a range of uniform items, they've bought him pinafores and tights. AIBU to think they are making a statement at the expense of their DS's choice? Shorts and trousers are, for better or worse, much less gendered items than dresses.

He is a lovely boy and a testament to their parenting. Both parents are proudly unorthodox and brilliant, brave people. But AIBU to think they're kinda using their son as a flag to wave to the rest of the school community, rather than giving him the option of being low-key?

Nursery have previously expressed concerns that my friends were forcing their DS to wear dresses. They weren't. He chooses his clothes from a range. It may be that they've said 'which style of uniform do you want?' and he's made a choice but sadly there is a huge context to gender and clothing that he isn't aware of, so it isn't a genuine choice?

AIB horrible and judgemental? I love that this kid can be who he wants to be. I just worry that he's going to become an object of ridicule and derision on his first day.

Also, it's a nightmare helping girls to put tights on after P.E. Trousers are easier for girls and boys.

Attention seeking twats. They aren’t the ones who will have to walk down the corridor being laughed at by other children. No four year old is capable of making a bold decision like that for themselves. They are horrible.

They've always bought him a range of clothes up to now - dresses, skirts, trousers, shorts, pink, blue and every other colour - and he's picked what he wants to wear every day

Genuinely think this is a terrible thing to do. Metaphorically throwing their child to the lions in order for their vomit inducing liberal/right on/woke credentials to be displayed for all and sundry.

Oh gosh. Am imagining on his first day and in photos..I agree with PPS that he'll v quickly realise/be told. My ds loved nail varnish and pink in general all through preschool despite others telling him it was for girls--and I was proud of him for doing what he wanted. He also had pink goggles and togs with pink nails. No one said a word. Now he's finished reception he wouldn't go near them. It's a pity a colour is 'owned' by one sex, but I'm happy Iet him decide himself. I wouldn't have done this though.

It'll put an end forever to him selecting frocks and skirts, I think.

Have they explained why they're not giving him the shorts/trousers option?

Ridiculous. And sadly all too common nowadays.

Children get teased regardless of what they do

Not necessarily and even if that's true there's no need to paint a target on his back.

it's not like it will scar him for life if he gets teased for a bit

It could do.

Your daughter is right MySweetAudrina ! Some children seem to enjoy excluding and upsetting unfortunately.

My 6 year old DD got made fun off for wearing trousers to school :0 she came home saying "Trousers are for boys!" I couldn't believe it, school the worst for stereotypes and yes their son will be made fun off and looked at!

What a pair of idiots. I cannot see how that is on their child’s best interests at all.

And as for buying skirts and dresses anyway .

What is the point they are trying to make (and missing completely)?

What I don’t get is you have one loon with this thought process, how do they manage to persuade the other parent to agree with their looniness?!

Poor lad.

Oh FFS poor child will be teased mercilessly at school becsuse of twattish parents who think they're so hipster at the expense of a little boy who will probably rebel against them

Attention seeking twats That just about sums it up really doesn't it. He'll probably hate them for it when he's older. WTAF are they thinking? If these people are your friends then you should really voice your concerns for the sake of the child.

And sadly all too common nowadays.

Come off it, Noviceoftheweek. How many times have you come across boys wearing pinafores in school? It's not in the least common.

I can’t see the other parents encouraging play dates either.....

On the one hand I love the idea of de gendering clothes- think that's maybe the way forward with beating the tra misogyny.

But I don't think that fight is for a 4 year old.

He will be forever 'that kid' even if they desist. Which is a very nasty thing to do to your child consciously

Poor little fucker. But how very right on of his parents

In theory, gendered clothing is nonsense...a societal construct that doesn't make much sense.

In practice, society and culture dictate our dress code and its our job as parents to raise our children to be able to function within society.

And yes, no one likes those kinds of parents, but at least they are doing something

But what exactly are they doing.....?

I would say they are encouraging their son to make a statement which he isn't old enough to understand. It's also - on the flip side of the coin - why I hate seeing little girls in "sexy" clothes (for want of a better way to put it). They aren't old enough to understand the potential connotations of their choice, so it's wholly different from a grown woman choosing to wear the same outfit (all power to her elbow in which case). This little boy - as the OP has said - doesn't understand the concept of gender and that some things are seen as for "boys" and others for "girls". But other children probably will. So you are allowing him - in ignorance - to go down a path which will lead others to regard that choice in a certain light. That's not being non conformist; to be non conformist, you have to know what it is you are supposed to conform to and reject it. It's being ill informed about the world and making choices in ignorance. And it's a parent's job to inform your kids so that they can make their own choices, not to keep them deliberately ignorant of the way of the world because it suits your own agenda.

. Both parents are proudly unorthodox and brilliant, brave people

No they aren't brave at all. Is the father going to work in a dress? Their "bravery" is at their poor little boys expense. Schools hard enough as it is when you're just starting out, why in the name of God would you want to make it any harder than it is. Stupid people, and cruel too. Maybe not intentionally but it is still cruel., and they're actually going to confuse the other children too....Poor little boy.

Trousers are unisex.

I know a couple of parents attempting to raise their kids "without gender" and I find it incredibly misguided. You just can't bring a child up as a perfect little emissary from a better future. It's just setting everyone up for unnessacary pressure when the outside world intercedes.

What's brave about them? Serious question

That's not being non conformist; to be non conformist, you have to know what it is you are supposed to conform to and reject it. It's being ill informed about the world and making choices in ignorance. And it's a parent's job to inform your kids so that they can make their own choices, not to keep them deliberately ignorant of the way of the world because it suits your own agenda.

Well said Natalie. Exactly.

In theory, gendered clothing is nonsense..
Absolutely.