Friends sending their DS to school in a pinafore.

[RelentlessSylvia]

Friends (I'm pals with both halves of the couple) have a DS, 4.

He's starting primary after the summer and they've bought him pinafores rather than shorts or trousers. They've always bought him a range of clothes up to now - dresses, skirts, trousers, shorts, pink, blue and every other colour - and he's picked what he wants to wear every day. He has no concept that garments are gendered and just likes to wear what he likes to wear. I think this is great.

But they haven't bought a range of uniform items, they've bought him pinafores and tights. AIBU to think they are making a statement at the expense of their DS's choice? Shorts and trousers are, for better or worse, much less gendered items than dresses.

He is a lovely boy and a testament to their parenting. Both parents are proudly unorthodox and brilliant, brave people. But AIBU to think they're kinda using their son as a flag to wave to the rest of the school community, rather than giving him the option of being low-key?

Nursery have previously expressed concerns that my friends were forcing their DS to wear dresses. They weren't. He chooses his clothes from a range. It may be that they've said 'which style of uniform do you want?' and he's made a choice but sadly there is a huge context to gender and clothing that he isn't aware of, so it isn't a genuine choice?

AIB horrible and judgemental? I love that this kid can be who he wants to be. I just worry that he's going to become an object of ridicule and derision on his first day.

There's a lot of therapists lining up to deal with this generations trauma caused by idiot parents like this.

I actually think this is abusive behaviour on their part. They sound like absolute nutters. Like WTF!

Non-conformist lefty non-sense. The poor little guy WILL get bullied because of this and it will be his parents fault.

Frankly I'd be worried about well meaning teachers asking him if he's really a girl and getting something like mermaids style boy/girl brain books to read in class. That could really confuse the child.

There's another possibility 01. The other children will see him in dresses and assume he's a girl. Maybe their narrative will be stronger than his, and he will start to build into his own self image that he is a girl. Whatever your position on trans issues, I don't think that's an easy path to send your child down.

I think he will probably start wanting to wear shorts by Y1. I find until then unless there's a strong influence at home or nursery the kids aren't too bothered. Both of mine would wear the 'wrong' gendered dress up costumes by Y1 (earlier for some kids) they only wanted boy stuff for boys and vise versa.

Kids want to fit in not stand out.

That’s it @MissusGeneHunt (now he’s manly ). I had forgotten their names.

They sound horrible. Poor boy.

Ask the dad if he's going to go to work in dresses from now on.

On second thoughts, don't - he'll probably decide it's a really woke thing to do

Oh dear, poor kid. Even if they do let him wear trousers eventually, the damage will already have been done and he’ll be forever known as the boy who wore a girl’s uniform. Kids have long memories about these things!

That’s going to be a tough first day.

I think reception is a generally warm and cuddly place and there wont be much harm in it … but I'd be amazed if he didn't come and ask for 'boys' clothes pretty quickly.

And I agree that if you are going to send your child in tights, make sure they can put the on, and not when you have carefully got them the right way round and left them ready to get on, they need to put them on after they have taken them off and left them in a heap all inside out when changing for PE.

I went to school with a boy in a dress 40 years ago. Nobody cared after a couple of days. At secondary school he wore trousers. His opinions outweighed his ideals by this age. Bizarrely, his sister was the most stereotype girly girl ever.

Everyone will assume he is a girl and when corrected will think the parents are strange. I bought my DD trousers for starting school she wore them once and refused to wear them again because everyone called her a boy so the same might happen here.

Gah! I meant “his opinions outweighed his parent’s ideals by this time”.

I think this will just cause the poor boy to become confused about his gender, if he isn't already.

Bloody hell, ds was teased in reception (by girls) for wearing illuminous pink boxers (very much ‘boy’ underwear and part of a multipack) and be never wore them again. By the time they start school, most children are aware of gender stereotypes and he’ll be ridiculed by both boys and girls.

They don’t sound brave and brilliant to me, they sound like a pair of idiots

My thoughts exactly!

Having taught reception, I'd say that comments will be made by the other children thinking he's a girl. We had a boy with long hair and beads (African family) and the children were confused for the first three weeks saying "she". It also confused visiting adults, wrongly assuming he was a girl. Eventually people learned and he stopped having his hair like that anyway (I'll never know if he said anything to his parents or they just figured it out).

As for cardigans, I've known plenty of reception/KS1 boys wear cardigans to no detrimental effect, but not once they hit year 3.

It's a shame these stereotypes get pushed onto children but considering women haven't been wearing trousers for that long without causing outrage, perhaps it's just too soon.

Some very good points made here. The main one for me is about having choice and not yet having seen classmates and who is wearing what and also being so young he may just want to be the same. Another one here whose son won’t wear briefs any more

Poor kid

idiotic parents