Friends sending their DS to school in a pinafore.

[RelentlessSylvia]

Friends (I'm pals with both halves of the couple) have a DS, 4.

He's starting primary after the summer and they've bought him pinafores rather than shorts or trousers. They've always bought him a range of clothes up to now - dresses, skirts, trousers, shorts, pink, blue and every other colour - and he's picked what he wants to wear every day. He has no concept that garments are gendered and just likes to wear what he likes to wear. I think this is great.

But they haven't bought a range of uniform items, they've bought him pinafores and tights. AIBU to think they are making a statement at the expense of their DS's choice? Shorts and trousers are, for better or worse, much less gendered items than dresses.

He is a lovely boy and a testament to their parenting. Both parents are proudly unorthodox and brilliant, brave people. But AIBU to think they're kinda using their son as a flag to wave to the rest of the school community, rather than giving him the option of being low-key?

Nursery have previously expressed concerns that my friends were forcing their DS to wear dresses. They weren't. He chooses his clothes from a range. It may be that they've said 'which style of uniform do you want?' and he's made a choice but sadly there is a huge context to gender and clothing that he isn't aware of, so it isn't a genuine choice?

AIB horrible and judgemental? I love that this kid can be who he wants to be. I just worry that he's going to become an object of ridicule and derision on his first day.

Quote apart from anything else, pinafore dresses are a PITA compared to skirts, and tights are a nightmare compared to socksfur reception age.

Honestly, I’d think the parents were idiots. And I’m all for gender-neutral wear what you like, but I also don’t think 4-5 year olds are harmed by gentle guidance into appropriate choices for situations. It’s uniform after all! There’s no advantage to pinafore dresses in terms of practicality over shorts (or even skirts) so there’s no good reason to back up choosing only that type of uniform.

We have a boy who came in with long hair in a pony tail. He always wears shorts but still many children referred to him as she despite repeatedly telling them he was a boy. The boy wasn't bothered and liked his hair that way. None of the children were deliberately being unkind. We had conversations around footballers having long hair etc. If he was wearing a dress it would have been harder to have those conversations with the other children...

I would think once he tries trousers he won’t want to wear tights, horrible itchy things that slide down at the crotch.

i think there will be child protection concerns raised.

I give him 3 days and he'll be telling them he doesn't want to wear a pinafore and would like trousers.

That's if he feels able to tell them. Even kids that young can be able to tell if they're disappointing their parents.

I don't get why they didn't give him the choice like before.

I think the other children will assume he's a girl if he has a neutral sort of name, at least until he goes in the boys toilets. As far as I know primary school don't have unisex toilets.
Children like to fit in. Even having the "wrong" socks can make a child feel they stand out.
He will grow up resenting them forever for doing this to him.

Does the child know he's a boy? Are they raising him as gender neutral? If his classmates assume he's a girl, and he corrects them, will they, or more likely their parents, think he's trans? It's a very odd thing to do.

Poor child, another case of parents putting themselves first and not thinking of the effects on their child. Selfish.

Tights are evil on all genders. I intensely dislike tights, my children's schools enforce them with skirts except in very high summer. I can't imagine choosing them and shows this is more about image than comfort.

I just hope they listen to him if he says he wants to wear trousers. Or short socks with the dress.

It sounds like they're trying to steer him a particular way. DS 27 wears "women's" tops a lot of the time, but he got there himself, nobody bought him these items.

Unfortunately he's going to be in for a hard time, caused totally by the parents.

I bought my DD trousers for starting school she wore them once and refused to wear them again

DD1 was like that – even now in secondary won’t ware trousers. I gave up buying them as option to her years ago.

Oddly DD2 will often prefer trousers in fact can't remember when she last went into school in tights and skirts -though with her had rigmarole of needing undershorts due to other children and staff comments though it's not school policy. She has now has modesty shorts but now massively favours trousers.

Not related to a boy wearing pinafores but I think they are great. My daughter always looks tidy and her white polos are always clean. Skirts however sat below her belly (same with trousers and shorts) and the polos were always untucked and she couldn't ever tuck them in and they got stained really easily. The stains don't show up so easily on the dark grey pinafore.

Is he trans gender? if so then fine, small kids won't care less what he wears especially if they have known him from nursery
The parents may be disappointed when there is zero reaction
He should have a range of clothes yo choose from though

i bet the parents buy him trousers too

Assuming one of his parents is male, do they wear skirts and tights?

Wow...could you not point out to them that the first days at school can set the tone for your entire school career and they are setting him to fail. You are not being horrible ..tell them it straight for the sake of the boy and because you are a good friend.

Nofunkingworriesmate

Is he trans gender?

Did you miss the first line of the OP's post, which says he's four?

Well I think the MIL is completely to blame here. Why isn’t she interfering, passing comments and causing ructions over this, that’s her bloody job!

I agree the parents are using him

This has got to be a wind up to get people to bite about Gender because most normal people are bored so bloody death with its rise in popularity!?
If it’s true, they’re not brave or wonderfully eccentric. They are cruel and insane. Literally makes me feel sick that someone would push this on a child.

We have a boy who came in with long hair in a pony tail. He always wears shorts but still many children referred to him as she despite repeatedly telling them he was a boy.

There some at my DC primary children are completely not bothered it doesn’t even register with them.

It's adults like my MIL (who went our with FIL when he had long hair and whose son DH had long hair, she got upset when he cut it for our wedding) who can't grasp it's a boy with long hair as it's apparently outside what she expects so DC and I must be wrong about the child' sex despite knowing the boys in question.

Poor child.

Parents are thinking about themselves and statements and views they wish to send not him.

He can be what he wants in any clothes but just giving him pinafores and tights isn't really giving him free choice.

I think school brings lots of these issues home (although am at cardigans being mocked as girly...). My son’s favourite colour is pink. We picked boring boy school appropriate stuff together for uniform and he very quickly conformed at school and didn’t want to wear eg his pink jacket. It makes me sad actually (although I hated the pink crap) because it makes me wonder how much more unkindness kids ae being subjected to. But I would have tried to dissuade him from wearing a pinafore and tights (not least becjse tights are the devil’s work).

This is so stupid. Parents want to be doctors, and they fail so they want their child to become doctors. Does the father want to wear a dress in the open ? Why doesn't he affirm LGBTQ's right in that way ? Hun ? Good activist as he is. Let him have a pinafore for the schoolrun (because why wouldn't he share the schoolrun 50/50 with his wife ?). This is impractical, How many girls wear trousers, or shorts under their dresses ? It's not even practical for little girls ! They think that they are reinventing the wheel, or how to boil water. What is school for ? Why doesn't he stand out academically instead ? If school is about garments, then we should enlist Gucci and Dior for the uniforms, pinafore won't do. Is it in the best interest of the child ? , it takes one stupid comment to hurt, and the school year is long...