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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone else have no friends?

232 replies

shirl9494 · 21/07/2018 20:39

Not really an AIBU but just wondered if there's anyone else out there like me.

I have no friends, and I haven't since school. From what I've seen, most people's best friends were met when they were at school/university, and it's hard to meet close friends after this point anyway. I lost touch with my school friends a long time ago, and didn't really gel with anyone at university.

Ever since, the only people I've had any social contact with have been colleagues and that's a very different kind of relationship. We'd get on well and socialise at work events, but when I left the jobs that was it (as it should be). People move on, and colleagues aren't the same as friends.

Usually I am fine with being a loner, as I don't mind doing things alone. But sometimes I think maybe I am a bit weird. I don't have any friends I can call about problems or to gossip with, I don't have any girlfriends to meet for drinks, go on holiday with, go shopping with etc etc. I've accepted this as my normal but I can't think of anyone else like me IRL.

Anyone else the same?

OP posts:
EggysMom · 21/07/2018 20:43

I'm just like you, no real friends who have been there for years.

I have work colleagues, we socialise after work, but those who have left the workplace do not come back and continue to socialise with me. They do remain contacts in FB, and I have FB contact with work colleagues from twenty years ago.

I have other FB contacts who I've met through shared interests, discussion groups, forums. If some of those socialise, I haven't been told nor invited to join them for the last six or seven years.

I do have a DH who is rather lovely and a DS who takes up much of my time, so I don't really miss having "friends".

MrSpock · 21/07/2018 20:46

I’m the same. I honestly do not have friends. My partner does and I have work acquaintances but no, I have no friends. Usually it doesn’t bother me but I do wonder if I miss out.

MrSpock · 21/07/2018 20:47

I've accepted this as my normal but I can't think of anyone else like me IRL.

Because we’re all watching documentaries, by ourselves, in our beds ;)

WooYa · 21/07/2018 20:47

I don't have any either. I've got FB friends who I say hello to but we don't really talk and I've got work colleagues who I socialise with out of work but we aren't 'friend' friends iyswim? It's actually a joke at work between me and another woman and we say we are each other's only friends because she is similar to me.

MrSpock · 21/07/2018 20:47

That was supposed to be a Grin face

RabbitsAreTasty · 21/07/2018 20:48

I went through a phase like this in my late twenties. I joined lots of things, had a policy of never turn down an invitation, generally spent a lot of time outside of my comfort zone in a concerted effort to make friends. It was hard. It worked. It was worth it.

My top tip is to seek out expats/incomers to your area. They want new friends too. If they are the kind of people who move often then watch and learn how to make friends. Ask for advice. In my experience they will gladly coach you in accelerated friendship building from zero.

Bambamber · 21/07/2018 20:50

Me! I literally have no one to socialise with other than my husband. The only person that has text me in at least 3 years is my husband. I always say I don't need friends, but in all honesty I probably tell myself that to make myself feel better. I think it would really help me to have someone other than my husband I could talk to and spend time with, but I wouldn't know where to start

MrSpock · 21/07/2018 20:52

I don’t even know how people make friends or how to continue one. The whole thing seems awkward.

Ineverdidmind · 21/07/2018 20:53

I don't have any really good friends. I have a couple I get together with occasionally (oncs a year at best) but they live hundreds of miles away so over the years we've grown apart, they see each other more than they see me. We never talk on the phone or anything.
As far as local friends, people to go out with, or speak to regularly, I don't have any.
I think it's me though, I'm not very sociable I don't think, I find it an effort to maintain friendships. It makes me sad sometimes, but mostly I just get on with it.

Peoplemaynoticeus · 21/07/2018 20:54

Me, I have no friends. I'm an introvert and get exhausted by people outside of my house (we have no family either) so i'm pretty content with it.

MrSpock · 21/07/2018 20:57

I think if I could select friends the way someone selects a candidate for a job, I’d be fine

“Sarah, 42, two kids, divorced, favourite movie is Pulp Fiction and hobbies include playing chess, running and reading books about space”

That way I could accept or decline, and avoid useless interactions that benefit neither me or them.

Babynut1 · 21/07/2018 20:57

Yes I’m the same. I have no real friends and I’m happy the way I am.
I socialise once in a while with work colleagues but a lot of friendships I had have drifted now as we no longer work together. I’ve made a few mummy friends since my eldest started school last year but nothing close, we’ll have an occasional play date and a lovely chat at pick up but that’s it.

I’m glad really. I’m quite an insular person although I come across as quite sociable. My sister has an abundance of close friends, but there’s always one issue or another and she gets invited to everyone’s hen do and wedding, I could never afford to keep up lol!

I’m happy. I have my family, my husband and two beautiful children and that’s all I’ll ever need x

DarkDarkNight · 21/07/2018 21:03

Me neither. Like a lot of you I get on with colleagues but they’re not friends. I don’t know anybody like me in real life. Every person I can think of has very close friendships.

I go from craving it to knowing it is unrealistic for me. I had one best friend in Junior school but we had a very rocky relationship. I think if you asked anybody in my senior school they would think I was popular, but I was always on the edge of several groups rather than really belonging anywhere or being included.

I would find it really embarrassing to admit to in real life.

PositiveVibez · 21/07/2018 21:03

I am not in touch with anyone from my school/college days. I had no friends for a long time when I was young. I had 3 sisters tho and I hung out with them and their friends, but they weren't my friends really.

I got a new job in my early 20s and hit it off with a woman 10 yrs older than me. My most embarrassing secret was admitting to her that I had no friends as she was very popular.

Anyway 20yrs later and she is like part of our family. I have made a few other firm friends through meeting my husband, his friends girlfriends/wives etc and another from work.

I can count on 1 hand my firm friends and they include my sister's.

But I do push myself to get out of my comfort zone. I join the school mum's on nights out and I am looking to join a local netball team.

You really have got to make a concerted effort though.

I feel happy and tbh, couldn't be arsed with more than 2 or 3 close friends.

Kraggle · 21/07/2018 21:11

Me. Never had close friendships at school, couple of colleagues I’m friendly with but they’re not proper friends.

I’m shy and quiet around new people and an introvert, I hate being in social situations. Sometimes I feel sad I don’t have those types of relationships but it is what it is.

loopylass13 · 21/07/2018 21:11

I had a kid and the friends went out the window - oh well.

cantfindname · 21/07/2018 21:14

I daren't have friends. I am a jinx. Had 3 close friends, one died of cancer, another of a brain tumour and the 3rd got early onset Alzheimers'
It's better for other people if I stay away from them lol.

SoozC · 21/07/2018 21:19

I'm the same, and DH too. We moved a year ago (although we did have a social circle then but never people I thought I could call to go shopping with, or have coffee with, just more formal, organised evenings). I have managed to make two tentative friends, one through an evening class (who's just had a baby) and one through work (who left due to stress) but I don't see them much. DH has had a rough time here, hasn't been able to join evening classes due to having an operation and works from home so doesn't even meet colleagues.

I am pregnant and, sorry to say, we are pinning some of our hopes on moving into our own house and meeting other new parents. At the moment we are both quite down about the fact we don't have anyone to call on a Saturday night for drinks except my parents.

No real suggestions to help, sorry; I haven't made new good friends since secondary school. I guess I can only suggest staying an evening class or two, ones where you have to talk to each other like a language.

keyboardkate · 21/07/2018 21:19

Acquaintances are different to friends.

We probably need to survive without some so called friends. Some will be loyal, many will not.

Facebook/Instagram has sorted it anyway. No need to move outside your front door to see what is going on anyway. Am I right?

Surroundedbycats · 21/07/2018 21:20

I did have a close friendship group until I moved 200 miles from where I grew up in my mid thirties. 4 years later I have no close friends.

I get on great with people from work but have not made any close friends.

I have found that everyone else has close friends already and it is almost impossible to get involved/ included.

I accept this now but it did make me sad for a while.

Iwantaunicorn · 21/07/2018 21:23

I am the same. I’m actually a pretty boring person, and really struggle to make and keep friends. I have a few friends, but nobody that lives in the area, and I wouldn’t call any of them even if I was seriously in trouble. Since having my kids I’m trying much harder to make friends for their sake, but I’m just not terribly good at it, and I guess I’m just very awkward, and find long conversations very tiring.

That all reads terribly sadly! I’m quite happy generally, occasionally think wistfully I wish I had loads of friends, but that’s pretty rare, I’m generally quite cheery in my own little bubble.

TheOnlyLivingMumInNewCross · 21/07/2018 21:23

I've gotten to the point where it no longer bothers me. I rely on myself as I've long since realised you can't rely on anyone else. I actually have reached the stage where I prefer it. I've tried so many times to do what is expected of women and to have a group of friends but every time I let my guard down it all goes wrong and I end up upset and worried.
I actually think I'm better off on my own.

Tika77 · 21/07/2018 21:24

I don’t. I’m also quite stingy with the word ‘friend’. Most people are ‘acquantances’ ... I do feel lonely sometimes as a SAHM/unemployed. I grab people at the school gates to talk to but I don’t class them as friends.

Judydreamsofhorses · 21/07/2018 21:25

Most of my good friends are actually former colleagues. With every job I have, I seem to gain at least one friend who I take with me when I leave. I agree that some work colleagues/friendships are best left behind when you move on, because you only have your job in common, but others can start with work and then have a firmer footing which stands the test of time. (One of my oldest friends I met in the first - crappy - job I had when I graduated. She only lasted three months - it was really shit job - but we’ve been friends for over 20 years now.)

tempuser · 21/07/2018 21:26

Yeah I'm the same. I'm quite introverted anyway and definitely prefer my own space but I do sometimes wish I had some friends to talk to. It's more difficult to make friends at the moment as I'm a carer to my ASD son and unable to leave the house without him and he can't cope if people come to the house. So it seems I'm stuck for a while yet.