Anyone else have no friends?

[shirl9494]

Not really an AIBU but just wondered if there's anyone else out there like me.

I have no friends, and I haven't since school. From what I've seen, most people's best friends were met when they were at school/university, and it's hard to meet close friends after this point anyway. I lost touch with my school friends a long time ago, and didn't really gel with anyone at university.

Ever since, the only people I've had any social contact with have been colleagues and that's a very different kind of relationship. We'd get on well and socialise at work events, but when I left the jobs that was it (as it should be). People move on, and colleagues aren't the same as friends.

Usually I am fine with being a loner, as I don't mind doing things alone. But sometimes I think maybe I am a bit weird. I don't have any friends I can call about problems or to gossip with, I don't have any girlfriends to meet for drinks, go on holiday with, go shopping with etc etc. I've accepted this as my normal but I can't think of anyone else like me IRL.

Anyone else the same?

Clearly making friends in England perhaps UK is an art!

The reason I’m like this is likely down to loads of schools and foster placements etc. Plus the fact I’m naturally introverted. I never feel lonely, but I do envy people who have had a circle of friends since childhood.

darkdarknight I could have written your post

Those of you who say you find company draining or always end up playing agony aunt.

Look into what it means to be an empath. Willmake things make more sense for sure.

. We'd get on well and socialise at work events, but when I left the jobs that was it (as it should be
I don't understand why a friendship has to finish once you stop working with someone

I never went to university and I initially moved 200 miles away from my hometown 35 years ago. I have acdecent circle of frieds. I met my closest friend through a job i got when i moved here. Another friend is my ex line manager and I used to manage another friend.
We often all socialise together and I meet up with them a few times a month.

i don't understand why a friendship has to finish once you stop working with someone

THIS!! with bells on.

I’ll add to that school mums, primary school friends, sec school friends. The number of times I’ve heard people say, ‘You just move on!’. Yes of course but can people not move on whilst still being friends with their current friends? It’s almost an abomination in England to remain friends with someone who was a school parent. Not saying you have to be friends, but most people click with at least 1 person during their child’s 6yr journey at pry.school. Why is it once they depart for separate secondary schools, the idea is you can nolonger be friends?

It was childish of them because they are (mainly) 20/21 and I'm in my 30's. I'm also the idiot who has helped every one of them when they needed it. That's my problem I think, I'll do anything for anyone and they take advantage.

I found out because one of them took a screenshot to send someone and accidentally put it in the work group chat instead. A whole screen full of insults about my weight, my clothes, and acknowledging the fact they can "get whatever they want" from me.

Hi shirl9494,

I don't have anyone to go shopping, eat/drink out with. I am actually fine with it because I can save £££ to spend on my family :)

Does this bother you? You are not weird because as far as I know a lot of us here are like you! For me, I gave up on making friends from school gate few years ago, I felt too drained, I didn't click with any of them, some even blank me because I was not in their social ladder. Didn't like to invite or being invited for playdates, spending 2 hours with another mum happen to be my children's friend just unbearable. I stopped doing the PTA thing, found myself a job, straight in and out on school runs, don't hang around for conversations. Avoid all kind of school related activities etc. You know what, as sad as it sounds, I am happier! I guess I am just a extreme introvert, more comfortable on my own, I am also a terrible communicator :)

YABU to think you are weird :)

How galling for you, Goingalonenow. Hard to respond to and hard to ignore and just carry on. I hope some of them have the grace to be embarrassed and to apologize to you.

Same here. Ive never had loads and loads of friends, I got through school and 6th form with 2 or 3. Then we left, I had children and they disappeared. My husband has a few close friends, and I'll chat with them without any problems but i don't have anyone.
It does make me sad sometimes. Most days I'll be fine, work to do and kids to look after etc but other days it'll just hit me, and I'll find myself close to tears. I think I worry that I'm too different, not interesting enough, etc. Maybe one day.

I have none who live locally, so it is different from those whose friends are nearby and socialising is a weekly event, for example. All of them have been friends for many years.

I expect it is easier for a man (which I am) as I get the impression that it is easier for a man to go to some events by themselves if their OH is not interested or unable to come along.

shirl9494 You have just described me and my life. I'm a carbon copy of you. I would love to have friends but I simply don't know how to make them. I'm a friendly people person but I find it difficult to impose. Time is so precious and everyone seems to have so many friends already that takes up their time. I was never allowed friends as a child (weird parent), so I never developed those skills. I wish for all those things normal close friends have but I don't know where to start.

I had friends at secondary school. Then met an ex bf who got me hooked on drugs and they stopped talking to me. I don't blame them but I was always there for them when they were sad I am thankfully clean now. When I had depression no one was there. I have ASD and last year got bullied at work because I'm different. I was off with depression which then turned into clot in my leg. I suddenly realised how alone I was aside from then boyfriend who is now my fiancé. He has been the only one to want to be around me. During that time I finally made peace with myself and that I prefer my own company and being with my fiancé.

A lot of you mention that others seem busy all the time, there are a few who are genuinely busy but many others are "busy doing nothing" as such. I'm not being insulting, my point is that often people like to appear busy and would probably appreciate some distraction.
So far none of you sound weird to me. I have a dd who finds it hard to make friends. She has a bf and friends but the latter is not her tribe. A lot of life including friendships is about luck. Getting with the right groups in school/uni/work and knowing people who want to reciprocate even when its hard. So trying different groups of people on and offline is important.

Does anyone else find it can be really embarrassing at times? Like once years ago, I had to turn down a date with someone I really liked because he said to 'bring a mate' for his friend and I couldn't admit that I couldn't think of anyone to bring!
Even on Instagram, I don't enter competitions because (I can't believe I'm saying this, cringin ell) you're supposed to tag 3 friends, I can think of people to tag but they'd be thinking, 'why doesn't she just tag her three best mates?'
I've even reined myself in from going to the coffee shop because the staff would start to notice I was either in there by myself with shopping, or the kids.
No one (unless you really knew me) would guess I was such a loner because I'm relatively young, keep up with makeup, enjoy clothes, get plenty of male attention so it's not like I'm a female version of shrek scuttling back and forth to my lair 😂- and am usually seen to be rushing about with being a busy mum.

I can't decide if I am.introverted, autistic or have a social personality disorder, but I definitely have something wrong with me and I am ashamed about it. I do have two friends from.sxhool, we keep on touch on Facebook and I see them a couple of times a year. I have 3 friends from.the mum days but teo of them have got together and leave me out and the other one I dont have so much in common with. I would never join Meetup as I wouldn't have the confidence to go plus I would be embarrassed to admit I was lonely, I live in a small town and I wouldn't want anyone to know. I see it as being my fault for being so inept and I know this is true as I see other people making friends all the time. Normally I am .busy with work and family and don't notice, but occasions like birthdays are painful. We went on holiday for my 40th so I could be away from the lack of celebrations,.

I’m going to have a small wedding as I only have a handful of close friends! DP has a few friends and he’s quite happy being on his own. We don’t have huge families. It goes back to not understanding how women have hen parties with 20 friends. I see them out all the time. I don’t even know 20 females to invite!

I'm naturally quite shy but this sometimes comes across as arrogance and I haven't worked for quite a few years due to illness. I have no friends at all as a result. It's a shame as I do feel rather isolated but there we are.

I must say that I'm not a very good friend. I'm quite self contained and only ask how someone is if I really care. I'm not very good with social niceties. I've never made friends easily as I probably come across as aloof. It's probably for the best.

BlancheM me too with a Instagram comps. I am excluded from them because I feel really weird to tag people I don’t really know.

bicback It feels like the last tabooto have no friends. I think people would think ‘what is wrong with her’ if they knew. But this thread shows there are so many reasons why people have no friends.

Is there anybody else friendless and also single? I’ve been single coming up 4 years and it is so lonely. I have close family so I am lucky but I have nobody to talk to about how lonely I feel. It would be so nice to be able to meet someone for a coffee, go to the cinema to see something other than a kids film or eat out with adults in the evening. I’ve had episodes of depression and sometimes slip back, without anybody to talk to it feels hopeless sometimes.

Does anyone else find it can be really embarrassing at times? Like once years ago, I had to turn down a date with someone I really liked because he said to 'bring a mate' for his friend and I couldn't admit that I couldn't think of anyone to bring!

Yes! I once held on to a gift voucher for a spa afternoon for 2 for about a year and a half because my DH wasn't interested and I had nobody else I could take!

Eventually I discovered I could exchange it for a whole spa day for 1 so I went and had my treatments, ate my lunch and left because I didn't want to hang around the spa on my own all afternoon.

Hi this is me too! But I'm sad tonight my son has surgery tomorrow for a torn ligament in knee and naturally I'm nervous as a mum would be and you realise how lonely you are when not a sole texts you to say hope everything goes ok for him or they text him and say hope surgery goes well I don't know x sending love to you all though because sometimes at least all you can rely on is yourself xxx

hope everything goes smoothly tomorrow Belle. I recently had surgery for a broken ankle and surgery is scary but your son will be fine in no time. It is sad when you feel no one else cares but we do. X

I've only skim read the thread so don't want to comment just yet but I identify with so many comments I've read.
I'm going to come back tomorrow are read through fully on the hope that it helps either to accept my situation or how to go about making changes.

I hope it all goes well tomorrow Belle

I moved across the country because of dh's job and lost touch with all my friends as you often do. Made a couple of new friends but my dc have disabilities so I had to cancel a couple of nights out and that's it I was dropped like a stone although to be honest I always felt like a spare part anyway because I'm married and they were not.
I remember one of them saying that she didn't really have room in her life for new friends and I guess if you have all your friends from school still then that's true.
It's so hard to make friends now that I have given up.