Anyone else have no friends?

[shirl9494]

Not really an AIBU but just wondered if there's anyone else out there like me.

I have no friends, and I haven't since school. From what I've seen, most people's best friends were met when they were at school/university, and it's hard to meet close friends after this point anyway. I lost touch with my school friends a long time ago, and didn't really gel with anyone at university.

Ever since, the only people I've had any social contact with have been colleagues and that's a very different kind of relationship. We'd get on well and socialise at work events, but when I left the jobs that was it (as it should be). People move on, and colleagues aren't the same as friends.

Usually I am fine with being a loner, as I don't mind doing things alone. But sometimes I think maybe I am a bit weird. I don't have any friends I can call about problems or to gossip with, I don't have any girlfriends to meet for drinks, go on holiday with, go shopping with etc etc. I've accepted this as my normal but I can't think of anyone else like me IRL.

Anyone else the same?

I also had a lovely friend in my old boss. He was a fantastic man. He made me feel like I was the best person in the world and I didn't feel like a total misfit when I was with him.

He has been dead for years but I am so glad to have had him in my life. I adored him.

I'm not good with people in general. I try but I feel terribly out of place sometimes.

I have no friends. I always made friends easily through school but moved round a lot. Lost each set of friends at various stages.

As an adult I find friendship groups are already formed and people just don't seem interested in becoming friends. The people I've thought are friends either end up being users or it's all one way with me putting in the effort.
I've tried, I always try and be smiley, chatty, friendly. I say to people we could meet up for coffee etc. No ones interested. I can't decide if it's me or how times are. I've basically done all the pre school days of raising my kids in isolation. My confidence is so low now I don't know if I even would know how to 'friend' anymore

I'm in a very similar situation.

No longer in touch with childhood friends as I was moved to a different secondary school due to bullying issues. Had several groups of friends through my teens but nothing really stuck and I'm while I have some of these friends on my facebook, I've not seen then in years.

I made one friend uni - one single friend which is tragic but I was in a relationship and still hanging with my school friends. I see my uni friend once every couple of months for coffee and while we are not close, we'll have pretty deep conversations so I do trust her but I can't call on her whenever.

I have a handful of other friends that I've made over the years but I always put it in the context of a wedding or christening - if I was getting married soon, who would be my bridesmaid? If my dd was getting christened, who would be her god mother?

I've recently become good friends with another mum who's kids are the same age as mine although we were acquantances way before then. She is someone that I can call on to make plans last minute but I've also realised that she's a much more sociable person than me and has lots of groups of friends and while she's probably my closest friend at the moment, I'm not hers and I just need to accept that.

The only time I really miss having lots of friends is when I see bff's on social media but I'm actually pretty introvert and I enjoy my own company!

@whatwouldyoubelikeat28 in answer to your question yes I do like people, I'm a people person. It makes the loneliness even harder, I feel like a misfit in society.

I too am rather lacking in the friends department. I have ME and it's difficult to maintain friendships and relationships when you can't do a great deal or go anywhere, and company tires you out. Do feel a bit sad about it sometimes.

@whatwouldyoubelikeat28 I do actually like people, and people seem to like me, I just find the whole staying in touch thing difficult, and I’m shite at general chit chat, because I tie myself up in knots that I’ve said the wrong thing/offended someone. Face to face conversation is fine, but the more sharing personal stuff and feelings is where I struggle - even posting on MN makes me twitchy a lot of the time!

Me too! No real friendships since school... a few colleagues along the way, a couple of mum friends, a couple of my DHs friends partners but never any real friendships where I confide or let my 'game face' slip. I'm close enough with my family and have a great DH and two young kids so right now I'm fulfilled but I want to get to a place where I'm brave enough to get out there and make some real connections.

I've been stuck in a vicious cycle, after losing my social group at the end of school, of feeling like a loser for having no friends, withdrawing, being socially anxious and then feeling like a bigger loser for having no friends and not being brave enough to deal with it. Of course the reality is it was a combination of having a hard time, being naturally introverted and beating myself up so much that I lost all confidence in myself. I wasn't a loser at all it was just circumstances but I feel I've 'lost' 18 years of my life now being this way. It's sad and frustrating.

I did have friends when I married but 1 by 1 they were driven away and I was isolated.
I'm free now but 2 years later have found it hard to start again so have no friends.I have work friends too but they are just that.
At the moment I'm still regaining my confidence and am still somewhere I wouldn't have chosen but my DD is settled in school.
My ex has found it easy to meet people by going to the pub but there seem to be no natural place to meet and socialise for women.

I am rather the same OP. I’m not in touch with anyone from school, didn’t go to university and had no children - I gather the latter two are good for making friends. I have one friend - actually a former work colleague I’ve known for 30 years and see once every couple of months or so. Other than that the people I socialise with are either OH’s friends or work colleagues. I’m really not very good at making friends - I’m borderline autistic according to an online test I did.

Same here. Just DH. I am a loner but sometimes I feel a bit sad that I have nobody to do girly stuff with. Anytime I feel I have made a friend it seemed to be me doing all the arranging. So I stopped to see what happened. Nothing happened. I never saw them again. I must be as dull as ditchwater so I have stopped bothering. I know I am not dull but clearly the world sees me as eminently forgettable. At least it makes you self reliant!

I could have written that OP.

I had a few friendships left over from school but moving hundreds of miles away 20 years ago meant they fizzled out. I'm an introvert so really struggle.

I have no friends, unless you count my DH. But then when we argue I have nobody to talk to so just go off and sit in the car somewhere feeling pathetic.

I go through phases of finding it intolerable and then accepting it again.

What I hate is the stigma. You can admit to being lonely because you don't have a significant other but you can't admit you're lonely because you don't have any friends.
It's fine to moan about being single - gain empathy/sympathy, understanding. You can make jokes about it or be openly bitter - fuck, most of Sex and the City was around the trials of being a single woman (not the best example but you get the gist). You can say or do whatever you want about the crappy loneliness of being single (for I'm not minimising it at all)and nobody would think any less of you but god forbid anyone admits they don't have any friends.
Totally socially acceptable to use online dating now but how many people would happily admit they use online, I don't know, friendship apps - see I don't even know what to call them since they practically don't exist, or certainly not in the collective consciousness.

Apologies, I'm clearly going through one of my unhappier spells of friendlessness.

I had a lovely set of friends from school. But my abusive relationship drove them away, and then I had to move away to get away from him.

Single mum hood and working full time meant no time to make new friends.

Now I have DH and 3 children, life is very busy. He is my best friend really.

I did get close with a school mum, but she turned out to be quite manipulative. Ended badly.

Sometimes it really gets to me and I think it’s weird. Other times I realise I have barely enough time for me let alone someone else!

Nice to know I’m not alone though.

Lacking in the friends department and surprised at how many others are too.
Anyone else share there stats as if we were dating
I’ll start
30, female, Edinburgh uk, 2 kids under 8 years old.

I don't have any friends - actually can think of one but I rarely see her. Doesn't bother me at all. I'm not unfriendly, people generally find me easy going and I don't make enemies but am very much a loner.

My husband is more into friends and I sometimes feel a bit sorry for him that we don't do things with other couples but he can't be that fed up about it as he seems to like being married to me. I have one child who has always had plenty of mates and I'm extremely glad about that - but it's not me.

53, DH, no kids, no close family.

My DH has friends though. It’s just me.

I choose to have no friends because in all honesty it's nothing but petty drama or moaning about something or other (usually men). I am a very private, quiet introvert and every friend I've had, exhausts me. I became sick of being everybody's agony aunt.
I have a wonderful DP, family, dogs and that is enough for me.

Me. I thought I had work friends but tonight I found out they have a secret Whatsapp group dedicated to taking the piss out of me.

I'm very alone.

I have loads of friends. I love them all even when they annoy me and we fall out over politics etc. I say yes to everything going and exhaust myself with socialising but I love it really. I have a fear of having no friends so I continuously try to make new ones. I have made a lovely new great fiend recently after going to the same exercise class for ten years and now we meet up once a week and chat online all the time and I am late forties and sghecus mid fifties. I have friends in their twenties and friends who are in their sixties. I am open to everyone if they are friendly. Try to be open to life.

So much of what you’re all feeling is familiar... I would second the comment about ChuMNs on Facebook, such a friendly group and some members are arranging meet ups and have become friends online. Zero judgement or expectation. Do come and join in xxx

I'm another who doesn't really have friends outside my family and my husband (who is my best friend). I consider myself a nice, friendly person and I had no trouble making friends in school, but even by the middle of high school I'd "grown out of" the extremely close friendships of my youth.

Every now and then I wonder if I'm missing out on something, but ultimately, I find the idea of friendships to be better than the reality. Maintaining "extra" friendships takes time and effort that, frankly, I'd rather spend elsewhere-- and I'm happy with my life as it is.

I like to think that if I'm ever in a position where I feel terribly lonely or isolated (if something were to happen to my husband, mainly), I'd be able to forge new friendships of some type, with time. They wouldn't be the same as those lifelong bonds that some people have, but that doesn't mean they wouldn't be valuable and worthwhile. For now, though, I'm happy to be more or less "friendless", and it doesn't particularly worry me that my funeral won't be well attended.

Going

I know it’s stupid as I won’t be here, but I sometimes worry about my funeral. Who on earth will attend, particularly if my DH has departed before me. When I think of my funeral, it is then I feel like a sad sap. But, I just try to live in the now, and be thankful for what I do have. I have just had a week off and have done something different everyday and enjoyed myself immensely, I make the best of what I do have.

I don't have friends. I am still in touch with ppl from school and ppl I was friends with but due to life, distance etc I rarely meet up with anyone.

I have 3 sister's though so I do things with them and my mum, especially since my sister had my neice & nephew. They are all pretty much the same as well.

DP also has 2 sisters and his mum and I've been out with them b4.

DP & I live 90 miles away from them all though so we do stuff together if we aren't travelling back for a family thing.

Dp has friends that he speaks to & sees fairly regularly, and he knows ppl here.

I suppose I'm friends with a woman I work with, but she lives here and all her family are back in London too, but she has a few friends here and properly keeps in touch with a few ppl.

I moved about too much as a kid so don't have any long-standing friends. I envy DP for still having a group of childhood friends he's had since nursery. I don't have much in common with the 'school mums' either, it's lucky I enjoy my own company!