Anyone else have no friends?

[shirl9494]

Not really an AIBU but just wondered if there's anyone else out there like me.

I have no friends, and I haven't since school. From what I've seen, most people's best friends were met when they were at school/university, and it's hard to meet close friends after this point anyway. I lost touch with my school friends a long time ago, and didn't really gel with anyone at university.

Ever since, the only people I've had any social contact with have been colleagues and that's a very different kind of relationship. We'd get on well and socialise at work events, but when I left the jobs that was it (as it should be). People move on, and colleagues aren't the same as friends.

Usually I am fine with being a loner, as I don't mind doing things alone. But sometimes I think maybe I am a bit weird. I don't have any friends I can call about problems or to gossip with, I don't have any girlfriends to meet for drinks, go on holiday with, go shopping with etc etc. I've accepted this as my normal but I can't think of anyone else like me IRL.

Anyone else the same?

There is a very friendly (closed) Facebook group called chuMNs if anyone is interested. Lots of lovely people from all over feeling very similar.

I’ve got a few good friends from school and past jobs etc. However I found when I apply from my last partner I didn’t have much of an “active” social life....as in I had friends But no one to really spend time with Day to Day as we were all at different stages - them family orientated, me career focused.

I joined Meet Up - which is an online friends / network / social / hobby based site (there’s an app also).
Meet up has all sorts of groups on it and I mean all sorts - walking / poetry / reading / supper clubs / single girls nights out / foodie groups / architecture....there is a group for everyone and any interest.

I’d really suggest for anyone who would like to extend their social circle this is a fantastic way to do it. Yes the first event you go to might be a bit daunting - mine was just a coffee with a few other local girls - but literally everyone has been through the same thing and it quickly passes the “I’m new and awkward” stage!

Honestly I’ve made a really good circle of friends this way, there are about 5/6 of us who see and speak to each other regularly but there are another 10 or so who often pop up at a dinner or coffee morning. Last wkend we had a breakfast and 10 of us had a fab time all chatting and laughing. I couldn’t have dreamt that last year.

If you are struggling to find friendships or even just the odd social event with like minded people (doesn’t have to lead to finding a new best friend!) then definitely try Meet Up. It’s honsetly changed my whole social life, and probably given me a lot more than just friendships.

Me! I'm 'HF' autistic and have pretty much no friends. However the few ones I do have understand me which is worth more than anything to me.

Join meet up. Lots of different things to tag along to. There is a Meetup in all areas. A host to welcome you. Anything from creative writing to a night out in a bar.

Friends wise I have the following:
Two from school, who I meet up with 2-4 times per year and text.
Four from university, who I meet up with 2-4 times per year as a group and have a WhatsApp group.
Five to six colleagues who I’d count as friends, but separately.
Two from NCT who I see from time to time.
Two mum friends, but separate.
About 4-5 other groups of former colleagues where we’ll have dinner out occasionally.
Lots of acquaintances who I’ve met through the children who I’d chat to, but not proper friendships.
Looking at this, it doesn’t seem a lot, but even this level of friendship feels like hard work. I’m on the periphery of a work group for which there is a WhatsApp group and the constant messages between them is exhausting, I’m not sure I could manage that. But then if I just had one group of say five casual friends that did things together it would be much easier.
I have noticed that a window of friendship opportunity is to meet up with someone who used to be a colleague. It’s good then because you have your previous job in common to reminisce about and also your new job to catch up about.

I didn’t really until ds started school tbh. Got a couple of really close friends in last eighteen months and will see them and their children over holidays.

I have work colleagues who I get on with - but they are work colleagues. I have started doing MeetUp as my social life was really crap. I have always struggled with friendships and I guess I probably always will. The ironic thing is that I work for a charity where we offer befriending to older people. I have lovely work colleagues as they are that kind of people. My boss was talking about a volunteer last week and said he seemed lonely - and I couldn't say that I am lonely. It's so hard to admit that and we live in a world where being with someone and being part of something is everywhere.

MN can keep me sane sometimes - but it's not the same as RL people. I do have DS who I adore - but ironically he also affects my social life as I need to be there for him in the evening a lot of the time.

Me too. I have acquaintances and play sport with a group of women but have never managed to make close friends since I moved away and lost touch with two good friends in my 20s. I am quite shy and have times when I think it might be nice to have a close female friend but on the whole I am happy as I am.

I think there are more of us out there than you might expect.

I’m the same, my 2 best friends from school we just grew apart, I still talk on occasion on what’s app but the spark isn’t there and we are living totally different lives. I made a best friend at my first ever job, we talk more but both living so far away it’s hard to meet up with kids and husband etc, and now I socialise with my current work colleagues. My best friend from my current job left 4 years ago, we message 6/7 times a year but with him travelling for work it’s hard to meet up. I’m happy as it is, got my family and kids and that’s all I need 😊

I don't have friends also. Yet I think I'm really friendly. And yes i really like staying home watching boxsets but nobody knows this!

I repel people, even the school mum groups don't want to know. It's mainly tough because even though I'm an introvert, I really don't want my antisocial hermitness to rub off on my two daughters ... I want them to have 'real' friends as they go through life, not like me who never had a best friend.

Can't force it though, we are the way we are ... and I hate trying to be false and someone I'm not just to fit in.

I don't have any friends either really. Didn't make solid friendships at school, we all just hung out together so we weren't alone. Had close circumstantial friends over the years through college or work but once it ends, so do the friendships. I do think I miss out and get sad about it sometimes. Having my first baby in a couple of months so maybe I'll make friends then 😊

Meetup is much better in some areas than others. Apart from tech groups, in my area, it's all general social groups that're dominated by meals/coffee/nights out. Great if you're into that sort of thing and have the social skills to walk into an established group and make conversation without an activity to talk about but there just doesn't seem to be any demand for anything else. I can't be the only socially awkward lonely person in my area but looking at Meetup, it certainly feels like it.

Hi OP. Thank you for starting this thread. I'm the same and have often thought if it's just me. During my twenties I had a great social life and lots of close friends. Now we all have kids and I noticed that if you don't work together, don't live near each other or if you're kids aren't similar in age then it's very hard to maintain those friendships. Unfortunately for me all my old friends tick all 3 boxes so we have all grown apart. It's strangely comforting to know it's more common than we think it is to not have friends.

I'm the same OP. Always been introvert and friendships when I was young were always very one sided, I made all the effort and looking back I feel they werent real friends, I was often just a useful stop gap. I've tried pushing myself to be more social and have made good work friends who I meet for the odd coffee but they are too busy for more than that. I found people mostly don't want more friends, their existing group is enough. I've stopped beating myself up about it. I've tried, it's all you can do. I get lonely, but then I think many people are & its embarrassing to admit it.

Out f curiosity, do those of you who don't have friends actually even like people? I would say my key element of having many friends is being interested by many people, appreciating all the wonderful ways in which people get excited in their lives. Other than that, it's invites, shared experiences, remembering occasions etc. And why not stay friends with colleagues? Some of them are awesome! I am not without social grace-less-ness (?) and awkward foot in mouth episodes, but I do truly like other people and I think that plays in my favour.

Me too. I do have acquaintances but no real friends.

I am lucky though because I have ruddy amazing siblings.

Would I like a proper friend? Yes. I did have a fabulous friend but was dropped for a better class of friend. And they were mums. Something I can't be.

That said, I have felt more lonely in a room full of people than I ever have on my own if that makes sense.

This I know to be true

@MrSpock

Because we’re all watching documentaries, by ourselves, in our beds ;)

Out f curiosity, do those of you who don't have friends actually even like people?

No. I like the idea of people but not actual people. I don’t know if that makes sense, but I find the idea of human interaction far more satisfying than actual interaction.

Has anyone else here been told they are most likely on the spectrum? I have, by several experts, at one time or another.

Me! I have NO friends.
Didn't keep in touch with school friends, I chat or say hi to mums Up the school, but couldn't say anyone who isn't close family is my friend no.

I didn’t even have school friends! My only friend was a boy who lived near me, we bonded over our lack of fitting in (he was gay and bullied mercilessly, I was just my introverted self). We were such close friends, but he moved abroad and now I see him once a year if that. I miss him.

I have 4/5 really good friends scattered around who I see rarely but we have the best time when we are together.

One mate will be back in the UK in August and I already know that we’ll be going for coffee at least 3 times a week (Work in the same building). However, I'm well aware that I make very little effort to cultivate these relationships - they just somehow keep bubbling along. Most of these friends are male - I find I feel less judged by and have more in common with my bloke friends. I don’t know why that is. I know it’s my issue. Maybe cos I went to an all girls school.

I also have an awful lot of acquaintances that I see all the time: other school mums that organise drinks/playdates, work buddies, people I volunteer with etc. They are all lovely, funny, kind people but I find it sooo draining spending time with them socially. I think I’m getting worse too. I left the last two work drinks early as I wasn’t enjoying myself and I busied myself with jobs at the school summer fair so I didn’t have to sit and gossip. I never thought of myself as socially awkward or introvert but in the last 3-5 years, I just don’t want to put the effort in.

Like a previous poster, I'm most happy hanging with my DH and my kids but I don't want to pass on my hermit nature to them. When I have more energy, I've promised myself that we'll start hosting more people at our house so the DCs feel like the work you put into socialising is a natural and positive thing.

Neither me or my DH have any friends. In fact it was so bad that my husband tried to get my work colleagues to come on a hen night for me & no one wanted to, so me & my DH had a joint hen/stag do on our own!!! How sad is that
We now work together from home, so no longer have to worry about horrible work colleagues.

I like people. I'm a really good listener. I love hearing about children and I will happily look at 471 holiday photos. I like funny people.

I'm joining you all in saying that I have no friends to socialise with. I have sisters but they are all much older than me and they have their own families now and their own circle of friends too. I didn't hang around with them nor did they hang around with me as I was always seen as being their 'little sister'. I still stings a bit and I'm in my 40's now.
I had what I thought were two or three good friends from primary school but when we moved to secondary school we lost touch. I tried to hang on to them as friends but it just wasn't to be. In secondary school I got picked on quite a bit by the more popular girls and didn't do the going to pubs/nightclubs/whatever as I wasn't allowed to by parents.
In third level education I had what I thought were friends then but we've lost touch.
Now I have my own family (DH and kids) and acquaintances. I'd put work colleagues and neighbours and parents of kids in the schools that my kids go to into that category. No one actually seeks me out to find out if I'd like to go for a drink or to see a film or whatever with them or even to go for a walk.
So, I've just had to come to terms with it and do stuff by myself.

I wish I did have friends as my DH and the kids have plenty but I just don't.

When I was at school I had one or two 'best' friends but I got a serious boyfriend at 15 and pretty much stopped going out with the girls. I'm now over 60, divorced, kids grown up and the elder ones moved out. I have lots of FB friends but they're either parents of my kids' friends, or they're colleagues. Nobody but family knows my birthday and there is nobody but family that I would dream of contacting in an emergency (actually my neighbours are simply the best people I know and I'd ask them).

I don't have ANY sense that something is missing. I'm happiest at home, with my dog and cats and garden. I think my eldest, who has a huge active friend circle, thinks it's weird and worries that one day she'll arrange my funeral and nobody but family would be there - it doesn't bother me!