Anyone else have no friends?

[shirl9494]

Not really an AIBU but just wondered if there's anyone else out there like me.

I have no friends, and I haven't since school. From what I've seen, most people's best friends were met when they were at school/university, and it's hard to meet close friends after this point anyway. I lost touch with my school friends a long time ago, and didn't really gel with anyone at university.

Ever since, the only people I've had any social contact with have been colleagues and that's a very different kind of relationship. We'd get on well and socialise at work events, but when I left the jobs that was it (as it should be). People move on, and colleagues aren't the same as friends.

Usually I am fine with being a loner, as I don't mind doing things alone. But sometimes I think maybe I am a bit weird. I don't have any friends I can call about problems or to gossip with, I don't have any girlfriends to meet for drinks, go on holiday with, go shopping with etc etc. I've accepted this as my normal but I can't think of anyone else like me IRL.

Anyone else the same?

Yep. I have absolutely no friends or even acquaintances. Sometimes, I'm ok with it. Sometimes, I'm really not. But I have tried things like Meetup and evening classes and I just don't know how to connect with people so there's not much I can do about it however I feel.

I was like this. A bit.
And then I met someone due to having small kids the same age.
And she is now my best friend, I've only known her 4 years, but it feels like forever.

I didn't expect it. I thought I'd have to live through adult life with DH as my only proper friend.

And it still fills me with joy whenever I think of it. I have a best friend. I haven't had that for years and years. I'm 40. At 20 I presumed I'd always have good friends but it was not to be for a while.
Bit somehow, having 1 best friend- I now also have ither friends. Some I have to 'work' at. Others are easier.

Don't give up hope.

I'm similar to Babynut in the sense that I definitely put family first so don't have any 'proper' friends, just acquaintances. I probably come across to others as confident and outgoing but am actually a very private and insular person. I don't feel comfortable with gossip or drama which makes me boring for some people especially some of the other mum's in the playground!!

I'm mostly fine with it but there's always the odd time where you feel left out of things or I crave the closeness and loyalty that real friendship can bring.

Same. I'll socialise with colleagues but if I move jobs I'll never see them again. Likewise, if I have a hobby I'll socialise with other hobbists until I no longer do that hobby.

I'm fine with my own company and have been abroad by myself a few times. I would like friends but I'm just no good at making them.

I have no ‘friends’ as such, I go out with my SIL and I tell her most things but I don’t have anybody that I would class as a ‘friend’ and I wouldn’t have it any other way, I enjoy my family and my own company, I wouldn’t want to be texted and phone all the time, if I had a friend I would be putting off meeting them all the time so it’s better this way.
I’m scared on my son starting school with all this ‘school Mum drama’ it literally terrifies me.

I have my DP, two people that I would consider friends (who I rarely see), and my mum.

I do wish sometimes I were in a group of friends. I joined a parenting course for mums in the area, and met some women who were all lovely, we added each other on facebook and have met up a few times as a group with the kids, but nothing more really came from it. I don't feel lonely at all, but sometimes I do feel jealous of people who have friends!

Yes, I'm the same OP. I don't have any 'real' friends. Looking back, I struggled making and keeping friends a school and this has continued throughout my adult life. I have 'friends' like my neighbours, and colleagues, but I don't socialise with any of them.

My DH is looking at taking a job which means him working away a lot. I shocked myself by saying 'without you home, I'll have no-one', but it's true.

You're definitely not alone. A thread like this comes up every so often on mumsnet and always gets loads of replies from people competing over who can be the most antisocial!

I'm similar to you - I prefer my own company most of the time. I'm quite chatty and outgoing in a work setting but recently I was invited along to a lunch with colleagues, a spontaneous Friday thing, and I made an excuse that I had errands to do because I didn't want to go. I don't even really know why: I like my colleagues.

Yep that’s me. It’s been a bit of a conscious choice. I was always ahead of my peers in regards to maturity. During school you get along, they were my friendship group so you make it work. When I finished A-levels that was it. I remained in contact with 1 friend but I decided to end that friendship too, a couple of years later. I’ve never really liked people. Not sure you can really depend on anyone. My sister is my best friend and she’s all I really need.

I wish I could be more of a people person for my DD. I can get on with almost anyone at work but it’s my job, never meet people I would like to socialise with outside of work.

I think it’s positive to demonstrate different types of relationships to your children - the ups and the downs. I think it would be beneificial for DD to socialise outside of nursery with a little friend but she has older nieces so that’ll have to do.

I don't have any friends. I have always felt like the outsider looking in. It was only when my kids were being assessed for ADHD & subsequently were diagnosed with ASD (& me with ADHD) that all the pieces fell into place & I suddenly knew why, but still don't actually know what im doing wrong.. I am quite honest & blunt, this can be taken as rudeness by the many sensitive souls around nowadays. Older people seem to appreciate me more & young kids don't judge. I have Facebook friends, but I rarely chat. I don't want to meet up because then they'll see how boring I am & that I haven't a clue what to say & not want to see me again. I still feel sad sometimes, but I am glad to know why!

I’m not sure it’s that rare to feel ‘friendless’ sometime after uni? In school, it’s realy easy to make good friends. At uni it’s also pretty easy. Then there’s real life in your 20s where it’s all of a sudden difficult to make friends, except for at work. It was a bit of a shock for me and I hadn’t really kept a tight enough hold of my school/uni friends to see me through. I had a great time in my 20s going out with colleagues, but all of my ‘friends’ were also my colleagues and i was a bit lonely. In my 30s I had my kids, and that presents you with a great opportunity to make friends again. I embraced that completely.

As I’ve got older I’ve set the bar higher for friendships, I’m down to 2/3 now and that’s enough. I wouldn’t see any of them more than once every couple of months.

I’m often shocked by the shallowness of friendships I see around me. There seem to be a lot of people too who’d rather have a bad friend than no friend, or who need to feel part of a group.

Luckily I prefer to be on my own most of the time, it’s tranquility, not loneliness. It doesn’t stop me doing anything I want to do.

MrSpock I am doing that exact thing, a documentary about Edward and Mrs Simpson
I have no friends either, my dh has been away this weekend on a golf trip.
I have spoken to my neighbour, FaceTimed my daughter and talked to my dogs, nobody to go for a coffee or a drink with.
Im self employed so dont have any work collegues.
I’ve accepted it now, there is obviously something off putting about me.

Me too. My UK friends fell by the wayside when I moved abroad. I managed to make some friends here but now they’ve all moved away too. I volunteer, go to the gym, attend classes, talk to the neighbours when we’re walking the dog, etc. I have some acquaintances, but nothing more. I’d love to have someone I could just meet for a coffee on occasion. I can go several days where the only people I talk to are my husband and the coffee shop barista.

Me too...it’s tiring...:-)

oh this is great as i thought i'm autistic. maybe i am. no friends since uni. i moved countries.
the only people i go out for dinner with are work or ex-colleagues, i don't count them as friends. we have good banter but they all have their own friends.
how do you make friends? i find it painfully embarrassing, like dating, take it to the next level, all up to chat, go on holiday. whereas school or work just gives you common ground and gossip. i had close groups of friends from school, but being in different countries we've totally drifted.
I don't like doing much other than skiing or travel, and dont get to do much of that these days. dont even like to drink, which i found impeded socialising since i moved here. no time to do evening classes.
i guess i'm off to snuggle with Netflix and Sky.

Or tiresome ? I dont do enough to maintain friends I suspect...dont bother about being the best, dont care about designer stuff, happy with a messy house, dont like to gossip about other people

OP you sound very dismissive of ‘colleagues’, (which I note seems to bea very British thing) why is that ? Do you not think colleagues can become friends?

Me! I always made acquaintances easily, but found it really hard to keep friendships alive. My last friend was another school mum who basically befriended me to cover the affair she was having with another mums DH. Being used really knocked my confidence and now I'm just too wary to hold my hand out in friendship. It's a defence mechanism. But bloody lonely at times.

but when I left the jobs that was it (as it should be).

Why should it be that way?

Two of my best friends are women I met through work. 11 years later and still going strong.

I would class around six people as genuine friends I’ve worked with that I still see.

Me too!

I can kind of do social chit-chat (thank goodness for the weather) and I have three friends I have known since childhood, but the whole in between bit absolutely baffles me.

My friends all have partners/husbands now. It's very hard to get all three of them available at the same time so I'm really quite lonely, but I don't know how to date and I don't want to go to a running/rambling/politics club.

Yes to whoever mentioned welcoming expats/immigrants. I do still keep in touch with a lot of my friends, but as they are in a different country, I've needed new ones. I make friends fairly easily but it's still daunting when you move to another country and have no one that you're totally comfortable around. It's been lonely at times.

I've been really grateful to anyone that's reached out to me in friendship. I don't have any good friends here yet, but I hope that I'm on my way.

I have a few close friends, all made since leaving university.
One was a room mate of my boyfriend at that time, four I met through work (precious jobs) and one through a hobby.
The most recent one I met two years ago. So it's definitely possible to meet people who become close friends later in your life.
Other friends who are one tier out from my closest friends are mostly parents of my dd's friends from primary school age.
I honestly couldn't live my life without my friends.

MrSpock your desired means of making friends is like mine (38, 1 child, married, likes watching BBC4 docs and cheese, runs sometimes)

Fingers burned by teen friendship. Decided consciously not to maintain school or uni friendships, the important ones were a bit tainted by things that went wrong and I don’t do distances. Had a lovely baby group, but didn’t feel a good long term connection with them. I am introverted and not terribly social. I am nice enough but not really fun, its not my strong point. I often get people at work want to pursue friendships with me, or keep in touch after we leave - it just doesn’t really work for me. I meet up for coffee with one person often, and its nice enough, but I struggle to talk about myself or confide and I think this stops it developing further. I am mid forties and I think I might find friendships easier from now on - I like the look of older groups of women. I am maybe more comfortable in myself, maybe will find funny, interesting people with shared interests. I think I am ready to invest.