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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why are some families so loud!!

208 replies

Childlessstepmum15 · 21/07/2018 17:11

Why are some families so loud? I mean why do yet have to shout when speaking to each other and generally have no regard for others? We’re staying in a lovely quiet self catering house in south devon, there is a large garden and shared pool with two other cottages. The people in the middle cottage are like us, a family of four, enjoying themselves,having fun but not shouting at the top of their lungs. Family in end cottage, three pasty kids singing loudly, screaming, unable to have a quiet conversation.

It’s the same in restaurants, we’re always sitting next to the loudest people in there 😂😂

God help me! AIBU and a grouchy old cow?

OP posts:
bertiesgal · 23/07/2018 19:22

Why are some people so quiet?

I am constantly trying to keep my 4 from shouting because I’m worried about being judged.

Oh to live in a world where families can converse and children sing on their holidays without judgement! Angry

TigerTooth · 23/07/2018 19:25

YANBU op, I haaaaate loud, uncouth fuckers like this

hmm... and you are clearly so refined!

Op - what does pasty mean? Is it very white skinned? or overweight?
And why is how they look relevant in terms of body shape or skin colour?

BlankTimes · 23/07/2018 19:30

My kids are very loud

I've seen several posters say this as if it's an irrefutable fact with no possible solution.

They are only loud because you let them be loud.

It's only very basic manners and consideration for other people.

Why don't you teach them to listen to their surroundings and adapt their volume accordingly? Self-awareness helps, alongside awareness of other people and your impact on them.

Don't schools or parents teach 'indoor voice' any more?
Don't you have to be next to or near someone if you want their attention, rather than bawling at the top of your voice from the house to the garden?
If you are in a group and someone else is talking, let them finish before you speak, do not shout over them.

Were all the loud people never taught this as children?

minipie · 23/07/2018 19:35

I think it's partly inherent. My mum is very well spoken and not shouty at all but god her voice cuts through walls. My gran was a head teacher and I think my mum inherited The Voice from her. My DD1 seems to have it too, she simply does not realise how loud and carrying her voice is - again she is not shouting exactly, just Very Very Clear. Sorry neighbours. No amount of asking her to be quieter seems to have any impact, nor do sanctions, it's inbuilt. DD2 is not exactly a quiet personality (she is a confident 3 yr old) but she is normal voiced, so by comparison we hardly hear her. Exact same training applied for both...

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 23/07/2018 19:36

Because they are having fun. You might like to try it sometime. HTH

You can still have fun and not be loud. Confused

dinosaurkisses · 23/07/2018 19:38

“Because they are having fun. You might like to try it sometime. HTH“

What? So you can’t possibly be having fun without screaming at each other?

JamesBlonde1 · 23/07/2018 19:44

Urgh can’t stand noisy families. Bad manners.

I read the OP to mean unhealthy children - fed rubbish and no healthy stuff, no discipline, dragged up rather than brought up. Left to do what they want or ignore their parents hence why they’re like foghorns with everyone grimacing around them.

DH’s family aren’t as bad as this, but still very loud. No need, my ears work perfectly well thank you. The TV volume is fucking unreal. I can’t watch.

I lived in serenity as an only child, but accept I have to share this planet with others if I want to remain living in a functioning society.

JamesBlonde1 · 23/07/2018 19:46

So what do the noisy lot do when they go to the library?

MuggledOff · 23/07/2018 19:46

YANBU about the noise levels. I was recently on holiday with lots of children (my nieces, nephews and own children) and we told them lots and lots of times to speak more quietly. They are excitable and get louder and louder but it's not fair on others trying to enjoy their holiday in a bit of peace.

DH's family aren't loud exactly, but they all screech at one another as though they are having an argument and they all talk over one another. It's taken me years to get used to it and not saying anything

YABU about the pasty comment. As a perpetually pale person with equally luminous white children, that's a bit mean. But you sort of acknowledged that.

Londonerlove · 23/07/2018 19:50

@blanktimes I hope that wasn’t aimed at me. My kids are very loud. But I went on to say that we do try and are considerate to others. By that I meant, we ask them to keep their noise down, at times even remove them from the situation and there are consequences for when they continually shout.
My children spend a lot of time with their grandparents who haven’t got the best of hearing so they are constantly asking them to speak louder.
Your post is very hypocritical as you clearly have no manners.

tightropemummy · 23/07/2018 20:01

I sympathise to a degree with the OP and all the others who are blighted by the loud brigade but not all of us do it on purpose. We're off on our hols on Friday and as a loud mum in a loud family, I'm dreading it. Despite all my best efforts, I really struggle to contain our noise. Me and 2 of the kids do have hearing issues, while my 3 year old is prone to night terrors. I will spend the entire fortnight cringing and forcing us out on day trips just to give the neighbours some respite. Knowing the embarrassment of being 'that' family, I'd much rather be in your predicament OP.

Original poster
Childlessstepmum15 · 23/07/2018 20:09

In answer to some of the questions - inverted snob, yep sorry I am, not always inverted. It’s not about class, even the most wealthiest of upper middle class have noisy shouty kids! It’s about manners and respect for others.

Pasty kids, yes they are and fat! They’re clearly not short of money so bad diet isn’t down to lack of funds.

I’m on my phone, just like my teenage step kids. We’ve had a full on day together and need some me time!!

OP posts:
Teacher22 · 23/07/2018 20:10

Ever since the heatwave began there have been posts on Mumsnet and Gransnet about noise in the open air. People do not like noise: - shouty kids, dogs barking, men shouting when barbecuing and watching football, families screeching at each other from no distance.

I agree with the complainers. I am a quiet person who likes things to be as calm as possible. I know this isn't always tenable and can tolerate (quite ) a bit of noise. But to we introverts, noise is stressful.

Shhhh!

NicoAndTheNiners · 23/07/2018 20:16

I used to say to dd what my mother said to me ..

"You are not the only pebble on the beach, other people would like to enjoy their lunch/coffee/whatever without hearing from you. "

As a toddler she got the message quickly.

Ploppymoodypants · 23/07/2018 20:21

Jessibunni - yes this is me and all my family, exactly as you describe.

Yes of course we make massive attempts at being quiet when we should. In church, the library, or where there are others relaxing. At work or school lessons when people are concentrating. But it takes a lot of mental effort and concentration to do that and you can’t ever relax as you are constantly ‘on’ worrying if you are talking to loudly or too much etc. So just like the introverts who are saying they can tolerate a certain amount of noise but then need calm and quiet. Those of us who are naturally loud and exuberant can manage a certain amount of moderating our behaviour (because of course we should, to respect other people, and display good manners etc) but once home or somewhere appropriate we need chance to be ourselves and make noise, interact with others or even just converse at a level that’s comfortable.

I think we need to differentiate between people who just have a naturally loud voice or who might be chatter boxes and excitable and those who are blatantly rude and ill mannered and inconsiderate of others (I.e, loud music late at night, letting kids out at 5am, shouting in the street etc). There is a difference.

Strongmummy · 23/07/2018 21:18

@childless, yes you’ve confirmed you’re an arse. I hope the “pasty, fat” foghorns continue unabashed tomorrow

Jayfee · 23/07/2018 21:23

Could they introduce lessons in school about how to behave in shared public spaces or do some public info ads on TV ( yes, I know not realistic!) Screaming kids on buses ignored by parents and children or adults with their feet on the seat are very annoying.

SoyDora · 23/07/2018 21:25

My children are pasty (it it means pale?), I didn’t realise it was something they would be judged on?! It’s DH’s Celtic genes!

FrauNeuer · 23/07/2018 21:55

OP I’m with you. I was pilloried by some on here a while back for having the audacity to suggest that it was unreasonable for me to be subjected to the noise of the two feral kids four houses away when trying to relax on an evening.

People simply don’t realise or don’t care how much their noise affects others.

In fact as I write this, fat mother of the two feral kids is conducting a conversation from one side of the street to the other at full volume because, of course, my life would be incomplete without hearing her dulcet tones at nearly 10pm....

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 23/07/2018 21:56

Another one here to say YABVVVVU to make derogatory comments based on their skin colour.

By all means criticise how they choose to behave, but to make pathetic cheap jibes at anybody, let alone children, because of their skin colour is hitting a real low.

Would you have mentioned if they happened to be black or Asian or Mediterranean or mixed-race? I hope not, because this would equally be a completely irrelevant detail.

I acknowledge that you didn't mean to cause offence, but then to complain about the 'Mumsnet police', rather than just concede that you (albeit non-maliciously) used a race-based slur makes you seem very immature and somewhat PA.

Distractotron · 23/07/2018 22:14

Oddly, my kids are very loud in the house, fairly loud in public places, but somehow manage to appear polite to other adults. I don’t know how they do it. I shush them all the time, so maybe that’s working? I feel like I constantly have to apologise for their noisiness.
Yesterday we went to a pub with a nice garden and the barmaid complimented me on having the ‘most polite children’ she had ‘ever met’; apparently one of them offered to do the pots for her when we sent them to take the glasses to the bar. Funnily enough she has never offered to do that for me 🙄 I look at families with quiet children when out and wonder how on earth they manage it. Trying to keep my lot quiet is like trapping a wasp under a glass; the noise is now localised and increasing, and you know you’re in for it as soon as you release them!

Cookies2015 · 23/07/2018 22:26

YABU I think it's what you're used to, we live in a busy area and there is constant road noise, people being loud etc you get used to it

Bbbbbbbb2017 · 23/07/2018 22:28

We are very loud but both myself and dd who is three have hearing problems. Ds may do too so it makes sense we are loud, but it wouldnt ve obvious to an outsider

FintyTin · 23/07/2018 22:28

I understand your frustration, OP, on the matter of excessively loud people. A family we camped near during the spring half-term were unbelievably noisy. The elder son was quite excitable; but it was the volume employed by his dad bawling at him to be quiet that really cause unnecessary disturbance.

That said, I am absolutely with SausageRoll on your choice of description. This is the 21st century: no need for unpleasant comments about anyone’s skin colour, however annoying you find them!

pandarific · 23/07/2018 22:42

But it IS bloody uncouth to roar, screech, warble and yap (dog) all the fecking time up and down the street every sunny day! Its incredibly self-absorbed, rude behaviour.

I'm sure 4 doors down are not terrible people (our cats are friends at least) and it seems to be happy roaring most of the time - but it is very, VERY annoying.