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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think kids shouldn’t be rewarded for good school reports with presents?

154 replies

Ellafruit1 · 15/07/2018 18:07

Both sets of grandparents have said they want to buy DS, age 5, a present for getting a good school report.

I’ve told them both I feel this is an unhealthy message to give to DS, and that he doesn’t need more stuff anyway and his bedroom is overflowing with toys. (Birthday last month and I need to clear out!)

It makes me feel like the grandparents don’t have any faith in themselves that them saying well done wouldn’t be enough in itself and they have to buy DS’s affection.

Plus privately I’m thinking he’s 5 FFS - in reception they just have to play and learn phonics and maths. It’s not like it takes any great conscious effort on DS’s part. I could sort of understand something like going out for a meal to celebrate GSCEs or A Levels when he’s older. And if he ever got a bad school report I’d want him to understand that as long as he’s tried his best that’s what counts, not that what some arbitrary g’mnet scoring system says matters.

I know IANBU to feel the way I do, it’s just my opinion, but just wondered way others thought in the interest of balance!

OP posts:
NewYearNewMe18 · 15/07/2018 18:10

Why wouldn't you reward success? It happens in the work place.

AlonsoTigerHeart · 15/07/2018 18:11

Meh, my sons had a great year, he’s done well in everything and is a good polite boy.
he gets no reward or acknowledgement in school, no star of the week or head award, nope they are for Tarquin who didn’t punch anyone for a hour the morning before the prizes.

I bought him some squishies and took him to town to buy some books and have an ice cream.
Shoot me now

user1487194234 · 15/07/2018 18:12

Is there even such a thing as a bad report at that stage?

Wolfiefan · 15/07/2018 18:13

I don't reward grades but it can be good to occasionally say that you appreciate them working hard and being kind etc etc at school and getting good comments. A meal out to celebrate at the end of term? A trip out?

feathermucker · 15/07/2018 18:13

You're massively overthinking this. Nothing to do with buying affection. They want to reward him; that's all.

Grilledaubergines · 15/07/2018 18:14

YANBU. Children seem to get gifts for just about everything now. The reward for doing well is just that, you’ve done well.

Returnofthesmileybar · 15/07/2018 18:14

I think you are being s bit of a meanie, I could understand if they were off buying extravagant gifts but there's nothing at all wrong with a nice small gift of whatever they ate into or books or a trip to the cinema etc etc, I think it's quite nice of them and I think it's good to reward a good report

Blueemeraldagain · 15/07/2018 18:15

If you’re uncomfortable with material goods what about a day out?

Jeippinghmip · 15/07/2018 18:15

I think you're wrong OP. If your DC has done well at school, then rewarding him can only be a good thing.

His grandparents sound lovely and you sound ungrateful.

Iamclearlyamug · 15/07/2018 18:15

hell I'm taking DD6 on holiday for getting a good school report 🙄🙄

SandyY2K · 15/07/2018 18:15

I see no problem with it. It encouraging and recognises he's done well.

My opinion is probably very different to yours...as I've always rewarded academic sucess and achievements.

Original poster
Ellafruit1 · 15/07/2018 18:15

Well exactly user, proabbably not! He’s got a few ‘exceedings’ and is otherwise on target and surely it’s more about natural development than any effort in reception.

Hmm yes I guess in the workplace you can be rewarded for success but I think if you grow up expecting it that can be a problem and I think it’s healthiier to work for your own satisfaction than for external reward, whether money or presents

OP posts:
Hippopotas · 15/07/2018 18:16

I think it’s good to reward good behaviour and reports.

Plus I don’t see a point in posting an AIBU if you are adamant that you aren’t

TheCosmicOwl · 15/07/2018 18:17

My mum has given DD £5 for passing her SATs. DD was really pleased. It's a nice Grandmotherly thing to do. That is all.

Kit10 · 15/07/2018 18:18

I always reward my son's good report, as does my mum. I took him out for a meal just him and me, my mum bought him a toy. I was brought up being rewarded for good effort, it was very motivating and works exactly the same in the world of work so I'm not sure what the issue would be here?

Idontevencareanymore · 15/07/2018 18:19

My dd had an absolute glowing school report. It's not just about her abilities, it's about her willingness to share her ideas, to her willingness to work hard and how she works with the rest of the class.
But then she's only 6...

Why do you feel the need to play down the fact your child had a good report.

Anyhoo I'm going to reward my child because I want to.
Maybe suggest GPS take the child out for a treat, ice cream or something.that way it's not material.

Metoodear · 15/07/2018 18:19

You need to read freakanomics op

We all resond in a positive way to rewards

Some children respond in huge way to just being told their good others need tangible things

Hower like above has said in schools it’s usally reserved to bribing the naughty children to behave my daughter is well beaved eats all her lunch every day doesn’t say boo to a goose

The boy who got the most dojos is the naughty one they give him one everyone he doesn’t spit or bite awesome

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/07/2018 18:19

Grandparents are fine to spoil gc in this kind of situation. It might be the only time he gets a good report make the most of it.

bellinisurge · 15/07/2018 18:20

I disagree with you OP. I think it's a good idea to reward an good end of year report. I think it positively reinforces aspiration as well as achievement and the grandparents are rightly proud. Doesn't have to be a ridiculous gift which just turns into a competition. It's the celebration.

Tutlefru · 15/07/2018 18:22

YABU. Nothing wrong with rewarding.

My DD was after one of those 10 in 1 pens, I got her one (39p from Home Bargains..) for a great report and she had acted like I had told her were going to Disney. Grin

RoboJesus · 15/07/2018 18:25

Let them rewards their efforts. Its great they did their best and you should encourage that

reallybadidea · 15/07/2018 18:29

We used to get grandparents to buy a book if they wanted to reward reports. So sort of educational in itself.

rainingcatsanddog · 15/07/2018 18:29

My son's just finishing first year secondary and I've congratulated him on attitude, making good friends, not getting in trouble and become much more organised. (He makes his own way to school and never been late plus has always handed in homework on time )

I think a small gift for going in everyday, making friends and learning lots is justified. (I'm assuming he's not been in trouble at school)

carebea · 15/07/2018 18:30

I'm taking DS to jump 360 (what he wanted to do) for passing his SATs after all the revision he had done, he deserved rewarding 😁

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 15/07/2018 18:35

To pps asking if there's such a thing as a bad report at that stage obviously don't have DC like DS2. He's had his best report this year, as he has behavioral issues, poor impulse control and suspected ADHD.