To issue baby name ultimatum?

[MarlowsGhost]

No idea if IABU or not to contemplate doing this, so looking to get some thoughts.

DH and I are shortly expecting our first child, a boy. I have a boys name I have absolutely loved for years, my absolute favourite by a country mile. No other name comes close, I’ve frantically searched baby name books and the names board on MN but I just don’t love any name like this one.

DH hates it. He can’t give any real reason, he just doesn’t like the name.

He has recently suggested using a family name as DS’s middle name, as it’s a family tradition. I’m not keen on this name at all. WIBU to say that we can use this family middle name, on the provision that we use the first name I love? I don’t want to pull the “I’ll be the one pushing him out” card but I feel if he wants this family middle name, I should get final say on the first name.

I love Evan!
All my kids have DH's first choice of first name and my first choice middle name. I do like all their names though, they were from a list of about 5 that we agreed on but none were my first choices. I was always too knackered after the births to argue the toss!

There's a name I really loved but Other half didn't. OH had favourite names that were complete disasters as far as i was concerned. So we eventually agreed on another name that we were both quite happy with and it was 100% the right decision.

I would do that. I think it is fair, you both have picked a name each.

I'd say put your foot down tbh but that's just me.

I REALLY wanted to call DD Violet but DH said no because it reminded him of the kid from Charlie & The Chocolate Factory. We eventually agreed on a different name, it's nice but I never call her by her proper name, I call her by a totally unrelated nickname because the name we gave her never felt right to me. She felt like a Violet.

DH realises how disappointed I am now and told me we can call the next one Violet but it's not the same .

How about Ethan?

So long as the middle name isn't 'Anderth' I think it is a lovely name

When I was pg with my youngest I chose a name right from the start.

DH (now ex) said no. No reason given, just no. And came up with no other suggestions whatsoever.

I persisted with the name, he persisted in saying no but offering no alternatives.

I had baby. 2 days later he says "I guess he's called "name I'd been banging on about for whole pregnancy" then"

Stick with it! Evan's a lovely name.

How would you like to be given an ultimatum or manipulated into calling your child a name you hated? Middle names can be a compromise as they are barely used, but a first name should be something you both want. Find a name you can agree on.

Efan is the Welsh name. Evan is an anglicised version.

Two out of my 3 DDs use their middle names, it is quite common. That's why people have them IMHO - it's not just to placate other family members or honour Manchester United!! 🙂

We downloaded a baby name app and linked our phones together then swiped left or right on them. We had about 8 names in common and maybe 30 each we didn't! We then picked one we both liked. I didn't want to insist on a name DH didn't like as I would hate it if he did the same to me.

I think that your compromise / ultimatum is fair - you choose the first name, he chooses the middle name - IF he agrees to that.

However, you have to be prepared for failure! If he doesn't fall for it (ie if he says "well let's not give him either of those names then"), you have to drop Evan and think of something else.

Perfectly reasonable to mention that you don't like the middle name, bit could compromise if he can.

My first born middle name is after my side as they have his(our) surname so I consider it very generous to go with dh side for middle name.

Also my dh didn't like names but wouldn't come up with any suggestions. I had a strop and said 'this is my favourite and that's what we are having unless you think of something better'
In the end he did come up with a name we both love. Don't recommend this approach but it worked out for us.

The first thing I thought of was Evan Dando too swoon

I've always quite liked the name Evan. However, beware that once the little man gets here, you may look at him and thing Oh gosh you are so not an Evan. So you don't want to burn any bridges with DH and feel obligated to call him a name which doesn't suit him. So I'd caveat the compromise with IF he looks like an Evan then he shall be one, and in turn DH then cause little Evan a life time of lying to friends because his middle name is Barry.

I’m another in the nooooo not Evan camp.

But then it’s because the only Evan I’ve ever met was a huge obese toddler who would break anything he went near and hurt any kid that got near him.

I would be careful to let the dad have a say, as they often feel a bit left out of the whole process and some struggle to bond with the newborn, particularly as their care is so mum-centric in the early days. I think being given equal say helps them feel more of a bond and more relevant in a process where they are largely superfluous, though doubtless some would disagree.

Could you wait until baby is born and see if the name suits him?

Both parents should want the names chosen.

If you dilike the proposed middle name, you shouldn't have to put up with it.

But to say 'I didn't get my way and now I'm going to punish you by vetoing your preferred name' is nasty. It's a route to serious dischord. It is disrespectful of your DH and of any sense of partnership between you.

Either you like the middle name or you don't, and you accept or veto based on liking. Start playing tit for tat, and you are heading for trouble. I wouid urge you to take a day or so to think this over in private, and decide how spiteful you wish to be.

I'm with your DH. Don't really like Evan

Also not sure I'd want my son given a name my husband hated so much

Would you enjoy having a child with the name you hate?
Find a compromise.

Yes you are the one giving birth, that's true, but are you the only one who will be parenting? Getting up during the night? Giving cuddles? Kissing bumps and bruises? Teaching DC to ride a bike?
DH is the father. It's clear to me that many women on here do not see that as much of an important role, but it is. Without him you wouldnt be having your DC. It's only fair that he is involved in naming his own child since he helped make him and I'm assuming, helped you throughout the pregnancy?
What if he resents you for this? I hated my DHs favourite name and vice versa. If either one of us forced the other to accept the name, it wouldn't be a very good marriage and shows a lack of respect for each other.

Call him Evan, have another one called Bruce and change your surname to Almighty.

One of my sons is called Jackson and I didn't really like it that much but his dad really liked it so we went with it.

YABU.

Whose last name will the baby have?

You mention husband rather than partner- did you take your husband’s family name upon marriage, or keep your own? If it’s his name, then it strikes me that he already has quite a lot of input- his surname, his traditional family middle name, and he is over-ruling you on the first name as well.

If compromise is the way forward, then it’s compromise on all the names, not just you giving way to him.

My son is called Evan! lovely name and even now as an adult it sounds nice, He is Evan Harvey.

Don't think Evan's special enough as a name to fight for, personally.