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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To issue baby name ultimatum?

214 replies

MarlowsGhost · 14/07/2018 22:16

No idea if IABU or not to contemplate doing this, so looking to get some thoughts.

DH and I are shortly expecting our first child, a boy. I have a boys name I have absolutely loved for years, my absolute favourite by a country mile. No other name comes close, I’ve frantically searched baby name books and the names board on MN but I just don’t love any name like this one.

DH hates it. He can’t give any real reason, he just doesn’t like the name.

He has recently suggested using a family name as DS’s middle name, as it’s a family tradition. I’m not keen on this name at all. WIBU to say that we can use this family middle name, on the provision that we use the first name I love? I don’t want to pull the “I’ll be the one pushing him out” card but I feel if he wants this family middle name, I should get final say on the first name.

OP posts:
Merename · 14/07/2018 22:29

I also agree that you can't have a name he hates. It's such a bummer that it's a decision that has to be shared!! But it is a joint enterprise.

FlibbertyGiblets · 14/07/2018 22:30

Is middle name John?
Yes - oh dear think again.
No - hoorah, say Hi to Baby Evan.

AlphaBravo · 14/07/2018 22:31

Also sorry... I also pull the Vagina card. When he pushes a rugby ball through his nose he can have a full choice. The reason Mothers register the birth is because it's their physical offspring and theirs to register.

RedDwarves · 14/07/2018 22:31

You can't have a name he hates. It doesn't matter how unobjectionable you perceive the name to be.

Original poster
MarlowsGhost · 14/07/2018 22:31

Flibberty nope not John, it’s quite a 70s name...think along the lines of Keith/Derek Hmm

OP posts:
LuvMyBubbles · 14/07/2018 22:32

I regret caving in about my favourite name for DS3.
Do what you love and he can take the middle name
Or throw it bank wt him to find a name you love as much as that.

commonarewe · 14/07/2018 22:32

Pretty bland name, to be honest. I was hoping for something more like Marmaduke!

Grilledaubergines · 14/07/2018 22:32

Evan is quite popular in my area. It’s like Alfie, Archie etc of 15 years ago. It’s all personal taste but certainly not a name so wonderful that you should upset your DH over and disregard his feelings.

QuinnElle · 14/07/2018 22:33

Evan is very "meh".

TidyDancer · 14/07/2018 22:33

You really can't do this. The baby is as much your DH's as yours - you therefore have to find a name you agree on. The whole 'I gave birth so my opinion counts for more' line isn't fair and is really manipulative. If your DH was on the fence, I'd say fair enough and offer the compromise on the middle name but since you've said he actually hates Evan then you can't use it.

MollyHuaCha · 14/07/2018 22:34

Evans is a plus size clothing shop.

YouTheCat · 14/07/2018 22:35

My ds has a totally 60s/70s name because exh named him and I named dd.

If he vetoes Evan then you get to veto the awful 70s name.

TenThousandSpoons · 14/07/2018 22:35

Why is Evan John a no no? I don’t get it.

AlphaBravo · 14/07/2018 22:35

What about Archibold or Aeshylus OP?

Grilledaubergines · 14/07/2018 22:36

The reason Mothers register the birth is because it's their physical offspring and theirs to register.

That’s not true! Fathers can register the birth alone.

And it’s a crap reason to be selfish. There is no physical alternative to a woman carrying the child. It doesn’t mean she can get her own way and use that as a trump card. Very selfish.

AlphaBravo · 14/07/2018 22:36

Yeah I also 2nd the Evans shop name. Unless its twins and you can have Evans and Wallace and little sister Dorothy.

TeacupDrama · 14/07/2018 22:37

mothers don't have to register birth if they are married the father can; it is only if not married that the mother has to register and the father has to go with her to register as father

TenThousandSpoons · 14/07/2018 22:37

I like Evan and never heard it in real life. Are you a Lemonheads fan?

AlphaBravo · 14/07/2018 22:38

@Grilledaubergines yes dear but we can deny paternity they cannot deny maternity.

Also bollocks to that. Maybe you had a lovely labour. Most dont. The least we can be rewarded with for the next 6 months of likely hell and torment and healing stitches with a newborn - is the pleasure of naming it whatever our hearts desire.

Smellbellina · 14/07/2018 22:40

Doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, if DH hates it you can’t use it, and vice versa.

Aozora13 · 14/07/2018 22:40

Hmm I think really you should come up with a name you both like. DH has vetoed my top 2 names for DD2 (grr) but then I really didn’t like his alternative suggestions. I did consider conceding as I’d chosen DD1’s name (which he also liked thankfully) but just didn’t want to give my child a name I actively don’t like, and think that should apply for DH too. Sorry!

Grilledaubergines · 14/07/2018 22:41

@Grilledaubergines yes dear but we can deny paternity they cannot deny maternity.

But, dear, you said mothers had to register the birth. You’re wrong. Take it. Dear.

Grilledaubergines · 14/07/2018 22:42

Are you into “push presents” as well, dear? You sound the type.

user7469322 · 14/07/2018 22:42

Will he have ‘Almighty’ as his middle name?!

BettyBizzghetti · 14/07/2018 22:42

I thought it was going to be an interesting name, so am feeling a bit of bathos here. Otherwise... surely there is something that you can agree on? Failing that, give your DH a list of possibilities, including Evan, and make sure the other names are so ridiculous that your DH will 'choose' Evan. I did this with my DC. The result was that my DC all had the names I wanted them to have (apart from DC1, whom I wanted to call Gaylord Aloysisus, and DC2, whom I wanted to call Boodle Beau. But you can't have everything) Grin.