MIL, breastfeeding and control.

[flamingox]

I'm just under 33 weeks pregnant with my first baby and am planning to breastfeed.

I have spoken to my own Mum to mention to family/visitors that because I'm going to be breastfeeding and will be establishing supply etc in the first few weeks for visitors to text to arrange when is best to come and while they're here there could be times when me and baby leave the room for a quick feed - I don't want to be under pressure to master feeding under a cover while I still haven't got the hang of feeding. Obviously this may not be the case but wanted people to be aware before they came.

I mentioned the same to MIL to pass through their family, particularly to SIL who can be quite difficult. She seemed horrified that I was planning to breastfeed and started telling me that breastfeeding is a form of control that allows the mother to keep the baby from family and do whatever she likes without involving anyone...I should strongly consider formula as she bottle fed her babies as did SIL and this allowed family to take baby for the day in the first two weeks (!) to bond.

AIBU to think she is being an absolute nightmare?! Everything I am planning for the baby is not good enough unless her and SIL hAve done it previously. I am wrong to use a co-sleeping crib, wrong to be considering sing and sign classes, wrong to look into baby led weaning, the list is endless and it's really starting to get to me.

Detach detach detach.
Do you want approval for your decisions? I mean it would be nice if you got it, but decide right now you don't need it and don't let it get to you. Dont over share with them either, it's clearly not going to have. Aisitive result!
Person feeding stays put by the way, it's an excellent time for visitors to out the kettle on or get you a glass of water.

Too bad. If breastfeeding keeps your MiL from you and the new babe, that has to be a good thing by the sound of it!

Family should be visiting when convenient for you, not them. It isn't a new toy for them to play with!

Oh my goodness.

I can never understand those who give insistent advice to new parents. The role of family is to support completely, tell you how wonderfully you are doing when you doubt yourself and only ever give advice if specifically asked! Even then, it's "well maybe xyz?" Only, if, asked. Why does everyone not know this?!

When my SIL fell pregnant with her first, she said something about bf, she wanted to but wasn't sure how she'd get on (naturally).

My mother and I immediately said, at the same time,

"You know what's best for your baby" and "What's best for you is what is best for your baby".

That's it, all there is to it!

Tell everyone you feel threatened by her behaviour. My own mother tried stuff like this that escalated and it nearly broke me. Its like abuse, the one thing they hate is when people speak out. So tell it like it is.

The only people baby needs to bond within the first weeks is its parents!!! There is absolutely no need for people to be taking baby in order to "bond" with it.

My ds never spent a day/night away from me until he was over 3...and that was only because I had to spend time in hospital he went to stay with grandma.... he had a fab time and had bonded with them just fine without them bottle feeding him or having him for full days when he was 2 weeks!!!

stick to your guns and dont let them force their "advice" on you...and good luck x x x

Please god she does not have a front door key.
I had a sign on my door (which i never took down for six months) “mother and baby asleep pls do not ring bell”. !
Your baby your rules
Good luck

You have to do what is right by for you and your baby. I think it's great that you plan to breastfeed but as others have said try to stay open minded in case for some reason you are not able to - I've seen close friends go through this turmoil - it's so hard but you sound like you will be an amazing mum regardless 😀.

Your MIL needs to butt out quite frankly she sounds as bad a mine - who asked on their second visit when I was going to start bottle feeding DD 🙄 I replied saying that I wasn't sure and would just see how it went so long as DD and I happy with it we will carry on - DD is 8months this week and we are still breastfeeding ☺️. MIL keeps making comments like "that will soon stop when her teeth come in" but I just ignore those as much as possible - it's not the worst thing she's ever said to me but that's another story.

My only real advice is what others have said which is to make sure you and your DH are on the same page and that he deals with his family - you don't need them causing you any stress.

Wishing you all the best for the rest of the pregnancy ☺️

My most used statement with my mum is "I didn't ask for your advice" seems mean but she's usually telling me what I'm doing wrong at the time so I don't give a shit.

Nightmare MIL by the sounds of it. Do what you feel is right for you and baby. Absolutely nothing to do with MIL. Who on earth wants to hive if theur baby in the furst couple of weeks unless there is a serious issue needing this. Just ignore, most folk will appreciate you will be busy and tired I itially and will probably contact you 're visiting.

It's pretty ironic that your MIL is accusing YOU of control! She can jog on

Use the interference of your MIL ensure it helps you combat the initial difficulties of BF as you will be more determined to make it work. Turn the negativity from her into positively cracking BF!
Good luck, it totally worth it

I wish I could have bf my DD now 5 but she didnt take to it so it unsettled me. I wanted to make sure she was fed well. You do what is best for you ignore you mil and sil good luck enjoy you forthcoming bundle of joy xxx

My ex in laws were like this in some ways 20 years ago but still they told me in my home I should feed baby upstairs out of sight (not that you could see anything and also I should take dd upstairs for any nappy changes.Ex let them bully me into doing this until my own dm put foot down and told them if they didn’t like it they could go upstairs

That’s a tough situation. Agree with most posts about holding your ground with MIL and SIL and doing what you feel is best for your baby.

I would highly recommend you find a local chapter of La Leche League for support while learning to bfd. I was pretty nervous and awkward when I first started out and these women were so supportive and hugely helpful as my first baby and I figured it out. I was an old hand by the time my second baby arrived, but I still went to them for support.

www.laleche.org.uk/find-lll-support-group/

Good luck!!! You got this!

No just no.

It can be hard to breastfeed anyhow without someone laying that crap on you.

Taking the baby to bond

It’s threads like these that make me glad that my (lovely but flakey) MIL has nothing to do with my kids or how I bring them up!
Stick to your guns and insist on your plan!!

Sounds like she just needs reassuring that she’ll be able to spend time with your little one.

I’d try to involve her in t

I’d try to involve her in activities related to preparing for his/her arrival.

You don’t know how how your body is going to behave with regards to producing milk. It’s your first one so you can’t make a judgement. Humble yourself and plan accordingly and try not to make a big deal out of it.

Congratulations on your pregnancy

Yes make sure she doesn't have a door key. I had that issue.

I remember just sitting helplessly one day as my nana and grandad (who were persistent visitors who would stay for hours) my Mum (who fel that she should stay for hours, but didn't but sure did I know about her discomfort) and the health visitor in the same
Room. DH picked the baby up (since no one was getting the hint to leave so I could speak to the HV) took the baby to the bedroom and came back and told me and HV to go have a chat in the bedroom.

I can still remember hearing the raised voices from the lounge as DH read the riot act about putting me and baby under pressure. Ha ha!

Definitely don't let her babysit after the nightmare of a thread earlier where MIL threw out somebody's breastmilk and fed formula, making the baby sick.

Remind her that it's ur baby, ur rules. I hate my MIL and she hates me and its taken me telling her what I and DH think of her for her to stay out of my business and she now has no involvement. Suits me fine, tell her where to go, life will be much easier

YANBU. I got similar from my MIL. During his ten day growth spurt she thought DS1 was screaming because he was not getting enough nutrients from my milk.

She moaned before, she moaned after. She turned up at my house 4 days after DS1 was born with cartons of formula "just in case." I breastfed DS1 for 18 months, exclusively for 6. By the time he was 5 months old she would tell anyone who stood still long enough that her grandson was breastfed.

Ignore her and carry on.

What a horrible MIL.
Stay strong, don't listen to her.
The bond between baby and mother/father is what's important not the grandparents! X

Your baby. Your choice. End of.

I should add a caveat to that however..... consider your partner. It’s his baby too. So he has a say. Seen too many controlling mothers that don’t work together with a partner to agree what they both want for baby.